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In this post…
You can’t control what other people think of you, but you can do your own inner work to gain freedom from caring what they think of you.
Gain freedom from conforming to society pressures to act tough and hide your emotions.
Contrary to what you have been told, accepting, expressing, and healing your negative emotions is not a sign of weakness. It will lead you down a path of healing and resilience.
Pushing away and not accepting yourself and your emotions only locks the problem in place.
Don’t let the stereotype get in the way of doing your inner healing.
Heal your negative emotions, fear of negative judgment, and social anxiety.
If you would like to take things a step further and address your fear of judgment go to http://bit.ly/fearofjudgment
Sebastiaan: Hey, this is Sebastiaan from social-anxiety-solutions.com. International world traveler apparently because I have my Indonesia t-shirt on and I’m sitting in the background two towers. Can I say that? They look like the twin towers but they’re not because this is in Vietnam, Ho Chi Minh City. I’m sitting in the roof of a top of a building and I’m answering a little question today that was posted under one of my videos.
I’m going to do the best I can because the question is as follows. It’s from Mou. M-O-U.
It goes like this: “Hey, Sebastiaan. There’s this big stereotype that man should never feel shyness or anxiety because if it does, it makes them less of a man. Can you say something about this to break the stereotype?”
Well, man, I wish I could say something that would just instantly break that stereotype. That would be fantastic. But I’m afraid I cannot do that. However, I can talk about it a little bit and hopefully that’s helpful.
Okay. So, you’re right that it is a stereotype and you’re right that there is a certain percentage of the population that believes that and that goes with that. That’s just the way it is. That’s unfortunate. That might over time change but it’s outside of your control. What they think about that that’s not within your control. The only thing that’s within your control is your thoughts and your feelings.
In other words, your reactions, your emotional reactions to that fact that some people indeed think that. But what they think is not relevant. What you think about it – That’s what is relevant.
So, if you agree with the stereotype subconsciously, if you go along with that societal programming that says “Hey, you should always be confident. You should never have any weakness. Men don’t cry. The only emotions that a man should feel is confident, hungry, horny. And maybe angry”.
Well, if you follow along with that then you have a problem. What your job is if you want freedom from that stereotype is to do your inner work in terms of working on yourself judgements towards how you feel about the fact that you feel shy sometimes and that you have anxiety sometimes or maybe a lot of times.
Well, how do you feel about that? – Well, I feel ashamed of that. – Okay, that’s something that you should work on. Tap on that. – I feel frustrated about it. – Okay, it makes sense. Tap on it. – I feel embarrassed about it. – Okay, tap on it. – I judge myself to be a loser because of it. – Okay, tap on it.
Clear your emotional reactions. Get rid of your own judgments because when you’re okay with it if you’re shy or anxious or it doesn’t bother you so much then what they think is not really that relevant. There’s more to it to being indifferent to what other people think but this is going to help a lot. So, dealing with your own reactions to that statement.
Another thing that you can do is you can observe another guy being anxious or nervous or shy or even imagine that happening maybe someone you know or maybe you’ve seen it before. And noticing what your reactions and your judgments are to that person and then that’s something that you tap on as well because you want to come to terms with everything. So, how the world is? Unfortunately, it’s not to your liking. Same for me.
I wish it was different but it isn’t. So, you then have one solution and that’s just acceptance. You only have control of what you have yourself so you simply address that. When I say simply but it might take a bit of work. And as you do you start to calm down and it starts to bother you less and then stereotypes all over the place let people have it. None of your business.
Okay. So, I hope that’s been helpful. I release videos like this every week. I’m pointing for this guy but not really. Subscribe here somewhere. If you want to overcome your fear of judgment actually, I have a fantastic coaching series. It’s a bunch of webinars that I did where I coached a girl who really had a fear of being judged negatively. That was her main fear. Over a series of five live coaching webinars of 90 minutes each I helped her overcome that fear of judgment.
You could witness her making that transformation on screen. Every week she would report how the coaching session had benefited her. In week two she said, “Oh, now I didn’t care so much anymore about what they thought of me”. And week three she was saying “Now I could connect with people a lot better and I felt more at ease”. And it’s not just that you observe that transformation. You’re actually watching your tapping along because social anxiety is so similar and the issues are so relatable. When you’re watching that on screen and you’re tapping along with it, you’re mirror neurons are firing.
Let’s just say your brain can relate to what’s going on and you can connect to how my client that I’m coaching is feeling it. You can relate to the feelings and you tune in to these feelings yourself and your subconscious mind links your issues, links the issues that it’s observing on screen to your unique issues. And as you then tap you start releasing your stuff. That’s really amazing. It’s what I highly recommend that you check out.
So, go to bit.ly/fearofjudgment.
That is bit.ly/fearofjudgmen. Or follow my other advice or do both. That would be your best option.
Okay. So, I hope this has been helpful. Thanks for your question. Great question. This is Sebastiaan from Saigon signing off. Have a good one. Bye-bye.