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Struggle to change? Here’s why people don’t change…



Do you want to be socially at ease?

Do you want to feel at ease with yourself and with others?

Are you struggling to change and make all that happen?

Then this video is for you.

In this episode, I will be addressing the concern about the struggle to change into becoming socially at ease.

Sit back, relax, and tap-along!

PS: 1 more week before we begin our 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge

Register now by going to


I’m pretty sure you want to be socially at ease.

You want to freely express yourself, say whatever comes to mind, enjoy connecting with others, feel at ease being around others, and actually enjoy socializing.

But that’s not your experience.

But consciously, you want that.

But could it be possible that perhaps, maybe on some level, there’s a part of you that is afraid to change and transform and make that happen?

And might it be possible that there’s a part of you that’s resisting going into that direction?

Now, I’m asking this question in this particular way, very cautiously, because often when I’ve suggested this to people, they’re like, “No, I’m not afraid to change. I’m not resisting any change. Of course, I want to be at ease, I want social confidence, why wouldn’t I want that”.

But when you dig a little bit deeper, it’s very common for people to notice that they do have resistance to change, that they do have a part of them that’s afraid of change.

And it’s very normal. It’s very common. And it’s something that can be addressed.

Now, it’s usually something that needs to be addressed quite extensively.

But I’m just going to give you a bit of a taster of it today. Just a slice of the pie, if you will.

When I say, “are you afraid to change?” that might be something you can rate.

But let’s first talk a little bit about what change is and what it isn’t.

A lot of people have the false idea that they need to change themselves into someone else. (Ex: I have social anxiety. And I need to turn into someone who is very extroverted and social all the time, popular, and doesn’t have any insecurities whatsoever)

It’s very unrealistic.

What transformation really means in this particular context is no longer experiencing anxiety and feeling ease.

Now, if you’ve been experiencing Social Anxiety for a really long time, then you can start to identify yourself with it. And that you can start seeing yourself in that particular way.

And then you can start to think, “Okay, well, this is something that I am; this is just me; this is how I am.”

That’s not really true.

In fact, it’s not true at all.

Anxiety is an experience that you have – a very unpleasant one, a very difficult one that leads to a lot of suffering.

But it’s an experience that you are having.

There are also other situations, most likely, where you do not have anxiety.

Maybe with a close friend, maybe with a dog, maybe with some parent, maybe in a particular situation, or there are situations in which you have less anxiety.

When you have less anxiety, you’re more able to be yourself.

Haven’t you experienced that?

When there’s no anxiety, and you’re freely expressing yourself? That’s you.

Sometimes I asked clients, “is there a person with whom you have no anxiety, and you feel totally comfortable with?”

And they’re like, “yeah, my partner”, or “Yeah, this old friend that I have”

Then I say, “Well, how do you feel around that person? When you’re around that person? Are you thinking about the next thing to say? Do you worry about running out of things? Are you afraid you’re going to be rejected by that person? Are you afraid that she’s not going to like me? Are those kinds of things going on?”

And the answer’s “No, no! They’re just normal, right? They’re just freely socializing”.

And so that’s actually your normal state of being.

And transformation means leaving the anxiety behind and moving into a place where you not only feel comfortable with that old friend or with your partner. But where you actually feel comfortable with people you normally feel anxious with.

So that anxiety response simply isn’t bearing anymore.

So you’re not changing into someone else.

You removing the barriers, the programming, and the crap that’s in the way of you being yourself with anyone.

I’ll give you an example. I used to get super anxious around cool people, around attractive women, or around people in authority.

And that would make me behave in different ways as well. I would suddenly try to seek their approval, or I would be really standoffish and try to act all cool or I would not communicate with, sometimes I would freeze up, but I couldn’t do anything.

And that’s not really me, that wasn’t really me.

That simply was the anxiety showing up, hijacking me – I couldn’t be me.

And so, it was the programming that was leading to the anxiety that resulted in me not being able to be myself.

By removing the programming that leads to anxiety, I have been able to now become myself in those kinds of situations. And that’s not unique to me, that’s possible for you too.

So, transformation does not mean becoming someone else.

It means removing the barriers to being your true self.

And being your true self is effortless.

Just, I don’t know, if you have this scenario, where you have a close friend or a partner or someone or a child, or someone that you feel really comfortable with, some people do, some people don’t.

But if you have that, then that’s simply your normal state of being, that’s when you’re at ease, that’s when you’re being yourself.

And transformation means taking that experience of being yourself with a person you’re close with. And being able to be that you, the real you, with other people, with people in authority, with attractive people, with whatever, when giving presentations.

That’s transformation, just removing the shackles in the way of you being you.

So, given that little pre-frame, seven-minute pre-frame, let’s do a tiny bit of tapping.

And perhaps all of this talking already has kind of shifted your idea about change around.

If so great, there might still be a bit of fear present. And I just want to do a couple of minutes of tapping with you to see what we can do about it.

So, you might want to rate, your level of fear of change in a scale of zero to ten.

It might be really high, it might be really low, it might hardly be there.

Simply follow along with this tapping and see what it does.

So just tap here, tapping on the karate chop point. Just repeat it to me out loud.

Even though I’m afraid to change,

and maybe it’s not safe to change.

And perhaps part of me is resisting change.

Maybe it likes to keep things the way they are so I have control over it.

I want to accept all parts of me.

Or at least try to accept all parts of me.


At the beginning of the eyebrows – I’m afraid to change.

Side of the eyes – Change is hard and difficult.

Under the eyes – I’m afraid of the consequences of change.

Under the nose – I cannot handle change.

I release all my emotional attachments.

To I cannot handle change

or the consequences of it.

Collarbone – Change is too hard for me.

Under the arms – I have this fear of change.

Liver point – I refuse to change. And I release all my resistances and aversions to change.

Top of the head – I don’t want to change

Beginning of the eyebrows – It’s not safe to change.

Side of the eyes – I don’t deserve to change.

Under the eyes – When I change, I’ll lose my identity.

Under the nose – And who will I be then?

Chin – It’s scary to change.

Collarbone – Who would I be when I change?

Under the arms – Maybe I’ll just be me without anxiety.

Liver point – Nothing more, nothing less.

Wrist point – What if not all change is bad?

Top of the head – Getting a raise or falling in love or winning the lottery? Pretty good change

Beginning of the eyebrows – Not all changes equal.

Side of the eyes – I’m willing to consider the possibility

Under the eyes – That neutralizing painful experiences

Under the nose – And releasing limiting beliefs.

Chin – This is a positive, safe, and beneficial change.

Collarbone – And I release all my remaining resistance to change.

Deep breath.

Very good.

Alright, as I said, this is just a bit of a taster, a bit of a mindset, and a bit of tapping to get you more into the direction of all parts of you realizing that certain change is very good for you, are very helpful, very beneficial.

Now, we’re having the 30-Day Challenge, starting on the first of January.

And that’s going to be a lot of safe and beneficial change. Because what we’re doing is, we’re putting the process of change into a particular perspective into and by the way, this is not an optimistic, positive, jolly, put some whipped cream on turret kind of thinking.

These are actual facts, actual reality, scientific, scientifically proven information about how your brain works, how your psychology is put together, what the psychology of changes, and how you can change in a way that is gentle, and easy to do.

That’s what’s gonna happen, what’s going to happen during the during challenges, you’re going to receive an email, you’re going to receive a video every day is just going to take you about 5- 15 minutes to go through it. And it will be entertaining. These I’ll be telling stories; I’ll be guiding you through particular exercises as I’ve just done right now.

And under these videos, see hundreds and hundreds of comments from people who suffer from the same challenges that you are suffering from that also want that outcome of social ease.

So it’s a very, very supportive, encouraging nice place, run the challenge twice, it’s going to be bigger this time.

I haven’t had a single person be mean or nasty or anything.

And if I notice it, I’ll kick them out of the challenge immediately. It’s that simple,

It’s a very nurturing environment, a non-judgmental place where you can share and be open and you’re guided and supported in making a gentle transformation in a simple way in a period of 30 days.

So hope you join us if you haven’t already. You can register by going to and hope to see you then. Bye for now.

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