“What would I tell my younger self who was suffering from severe social anxiety?”
When you’re dealing with Social Anxiety, there are a lot of negative beliefs that run in your mind.
You often ask yourself these questions:
What if I would have to live with this for the rest of my life?
Why do I feel this way?
How do I process my emotions?
In this episode, hear some soothing words that could help you be relaxed and at ease with your emotions.
Remember: YOU ARE NOT WEAK, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS JOURNEY.
“What would I tell my younger self who was suffering from severe social anxiety?”
Hi, my name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier. I’m a former Social Anxiety Disorder sufferer and a Social Confidence Coach. Thanks to tapping, and the help of some brilliant therapist, I’ve managed to overcome my Social Anxiety.
In this video, I’m going to share what I would say to my younger self back when I was still suffering profoundly. In order to reduce his suffering, and have him get a sense of relief and overcome his Social Anxiety and unlock his social ease a lot faster.
Now, of course, this exercise is meant to help you.
I’ve heard this exercise shared on a lot of podcasts. Usually podcasts about success, and I think this will be a very helpful exercise because you get to see some shortcuts. You get to get some insights, and the right kind of perspective to shortcut your journey to effortless social ease.
Now I think this will serve you because back when I was suffering, I had a lot of false ideas, a lot of wrong perceptions, and I had no clue about what was actually going on with me. All I knew is what I was feeling: my heart was racing, had a lump in my throat, I was insecure, I was comparing myself to others; and I saw other people just enjoying themselves, feeling at ease, and it seemed so natural and normal to them. I`m like “why is this happening to me?” And I couldn’t stop it, I couldn’t control it.
I thought I was weak, that I couldn’t control or that there was something wrong with me. Then, I would really beat myself up about the fact that I couldn’t control it and that it was happening to me. Since other people were just freely socializing, and actually having fun, and I couldn’t do that. I mean, sometimes I could. But often, it would just overtake me, and it was outside of what I had control over and I would freeze or I would blush. It was extremely frustrating, to say the least. It was also associated with a lot of shame – shame about myself, I felt like I was a loser, I felt beneath everyone, I felt they were better than me, they had one up on me. It made me very uncertain and insecure about going into a particular situation cause I’m like “this stuff can get triggered at any moment”. It’s very scary and very difficult. It grew progressively worst. It didn’t get better the older I got, it got worst. I was like “Wow! what if I’m going to live with this for the rest of my life?” I was picturing all these worst-case scenarios that I’ll never get a job, I’ll never get a girlfriend, I’ll never be accepted properly, I’ll be one of these pathetic people that is looked down upon and pitied. Very torturous kind of thinking.
I remember even thinking “Man, I wish I was already a Grandpa, and have my little vegetable garden or something, so that they would leave me alone, or that it wouldn’t matter anymore, or what a failure I was in life.”
Really depressing. So what I would say to myself is this:
“Seb, I’m really sorry you’re suffering so much. And that you’re going through what you’re going through. I know that it is really difficult, and I know you’re feeling really alone, and I’m sorry that it is a secret, and you got to deal with this by yourself. I just want you to know that you’re not the only one who’s dealing with these kinds of feelings. There are many, many people who are dealing with a very similar kind of feelings. And it’s also not your fault that you’re dealing with this. What is actually happening is your relieving feelings from way back when, from your early childhood, because there is the stuff that happened there. And, the beliefs that you picked up there, because of your interaction with your mom, your dad passing, those kinds of things, they are in your mind and through those beliefs, you’re seeing your world, you’re filtering your world, and that’s causing your brain to see all sorts of threats. Your brain is kind of warning you “careful, you’re going to get into trouble just like you got before”. You’re going to get kicked out of the house, they’re not going to like you, or they’re going to humiliate you, or they’re going to hate on you, etc.,
So, what you’re dealing with is a challenge in your brain. But it’s not a permanent challenge, it’s just a bunch of programming that’s in your brain right now. Even though it’s very difficult to comprehend, that that’s something that you can actually overcome, you actually can overcome it. And what I said earlier, it’s not your fault. It isn’t your fault. It’s not like you’re getting unanxious, and it’s not like you’re getting anxious on purpose. So beating yourself up about the fact that you have this problem doesn’t make it any better. In fact, how does it feel when you do that? Right? It even lowers your confidence, it even lowers your self-esteem.
So, you’ve had a very challenging time, and now you’re dealing with anxiety on top of it. Even though you think it makes you weak and less than other people, other people have other people’s lives, none of your business.
You have a very tough time and what you want to do, even though it’s very difficult is come to terms with where you’re at, come to terms with how you’re feeling, and then start working through these challenges that you’ve got. By the way, you are not those challenges. You are not the program in your mind. You’re not that thinking, you’re not the shame that comes up for you, you’re not the insecurity. That is just unprocessed feelings from the past.
When you apply certain techniques, like tapping (that I’ll tell you all about), you can actually allow those emotions to complete their cycles, and you can shift those beliefs that you have picked up way back when, and you can begin to chip away at this problem, at this program that is causing that you experience around others. So then, you can eventually place where you can be yourself without getting triggered, where you’re just natural, where you’re just at ease, where you can just speak your mind freely, without thinking, first things that come to mind, and you just enjoy connecting with others and just have a good time. You’re free! You’re in the moment! You have your sense of humor available! You have your intelligence available. All of that is just your natural state. So you actually are okay, it’s just the programming that gives you the experience that you’re not okay, but you’re okay. It’s just programming that gives you that experience.
Because you have that experience and because you have that really crappy experience, you want to be nice to yourself. You’re already having a really tough time, and because you’re having that really tough time, be very nice to yourself as best as you can, and start chipping away at that problem. Step on that journey. Use the technique that I’ll tell you all about to chip away that social anxiety, to neutralize that programming, to undo the damage to repair the past, so that you’ll stop relieving the past, so you undo those beliefs so that you neutralize them, so they don’t bother you anymore. So that your brain no longer perceives danger and threat around others, and you can actually be yourself, be you, enjoy life, and have a good time.”
So, Seb you’re okay, you just have some wonky beliefs that you’ve picked up, some unprocessed emotions from the past which is programming, and that programming can be neutralized by powerful tools like EFT tapping. I’m going to teach you all about it.”
All right. Hope that this is helpful. I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.
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