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Do you think you are a tough case?
Do you feel like nothing ever works to finally let you overcome your social anxiety?
Part of you wants to let it go, but something inside you is saying it’s not safe yet.
We’re addressing that in this post. In addition, I’ll share:
One of the first things I ask new clients is “What are your expectations when it comes to the journey of overcoming your social anxiety?”
So, what are your expectations?
Here’s to you overcoming your social anxiety in 2018.
Sebastiaan: Aloha. This is Sebastiaan van der Schrier from socialanxietysolutions.com and yeah, Happy New Year first of all, and second of all, I’m here at the… this co-working space. Let me just walk a little bit to the front in Bali where I live, and you can see it reads outpost. So, I just finished the session there and I thought to change the structure of the videos up a bit. I’ll take you for a little walk while we’re chatting a bit. And what I wanted to chat about is the whole idea of people thinking they’re a tough case.
So, I just worked with this lady and one of the things that I often address in the first session is, “All right. Well, how are you feeling right now in this moment?” Because typically what people talk to me for the first time you know, it’s new, it’s this weird guy on the other side of the world over Skype talking to them. So, there’s some nervousness and some tension.
So, these are things that we address and calm them down, soothe them and then we frequently look at resistance. So, part of you, yes, wants to let go of your social anxiety but another part of you, the subconscious part of you is like, “No, that’s not safe for a reason XYZ because you know, when you’re no longer anxious and you’re just going with the flow, you might get hurt again or you might say something stupid and embarrass yourself and so on”.
So, we’re looking at that and then we’re also often looking at, “Alright. What are your expectations when it comes to when it comes to the journey of overcoming your anxiety?” And then one of the things that she said which many people say is like, “Well, it just feels like it’s impossible for me to overcome it. It’s just something I don’t think I can do.” Because like, and this is literally what she said, like, “I heard this in other videos of other clients that they thought that they were a tough case and that’s how I feel as well”.
And so, I wanted to talk to that a bit and I found a place to sit. I’m sure I’m allowed to sit here if not we’ll find out soon enough. And then yeah, I want to quote a couple of things from the researcher, Dr… I don’t know if he’s a doctor, actually, he’s a PhD. His name is Dawson Church. I interviewed him last week on the science behind the EFT and it’s a fascinating, fascinating interview. And I got quite a bit of emails from people saying thank you and that it was very refreshing to get an actual scientist to say you know, to talk about the hundreds of studies that have been done on EFT.
So, that was cool. And I’ve most likely have another scientist lined up that I’m going to interview. So, if you like that you know, you’re in for another treat. And yeah, I wanted to quote a few things that he, that he said. So, let’s do that now. Let’s put that on the screen with the magic of editing.
“Research shows that in between four and ten sessions, causes people to recover completely from post-traumatic stress disorder in 90% of the cases. And these people when they were followed up with six months later are still fine.”
Alright, now I’m aware that PTSD is not social anxiety. Social anxiety is a different animal than so, then PTSD. But PTSD is one of the most severe anxiety disorders and that measurement is fairly accurate. Also, when you transfer it to the social anxiety realm. So, you know, my experience is that about 30 percent of the people resolved their social anxiety within three sessions and you know, I have testimonials of people that have done so, you know, here and here.
And then, however is not for all people the case, and it depends on a whole bunch of factors. It depends on how severe the traumas is that you have experienced, how long you’ve had anxiety, how much resistance there is to letting go of it, how you know, whether there’s perfectionism playing into it and how severe that is. You know, your current life circumstances, is a big one.
So, there, there are quite a lot of factors that go into how long does it take to overcome something. And you know, like I said about 30% of the people resolve their social anxiety. But this is typically people that have their life together fairly well, but they have social anxiety that is just messing things up. And when I say have life together fairly well I’m talking about have a job or go to school. You’ll have some friends and they just have this social anxiety problem as well that they’re dealing with.
Other people I work with for longer periods of time and sometimes that is for five sessions, sometimes for six sessions, sometimes for ten sessions. And I work with some people for a longer period of time and we’re talking about months, you know. And are these people tough cases? It just depends on how you look at it. I am a tough case myself and I’m still receiving coaching. Not, not to resolve my social anxiety, because that’s not there, but you can continuously grow and evolve yourself. And you continuously get more freedom, you continuously feel better, you continuously deepen the relationship within yourself, deepen your self-acceptance, how much you enjoy your, your life experience and all of that.
So, to speak to the tough cases thing, you know, some people are indeed going to take a longer time before they’re done with it and other people not and why I’m bringing this up is the lady that I worked with, I wouldn’t, I wouldn’t put her in the box of tough cases. Maybe even more on the side of not such a tough case and yet she felt very strongly that she was a tough case.
And so, actually I want to do a bit of tapping to you know, maybe loosen things up a little bit about what if they can do for you. And before I get into that I want to go to another quote of Dawson Church that kind of is a good lead-in for this.
“There’s a lot of science behind EFT. There are over 100 scientific studies that have been published in peer-reviewed medical and psychology journals. So, there’s lots, lots of studies supporting EFT. But usually Sebastiaan, the key piece of proof that you give people isn’t the science. It’s not the facts, it’s not argument, it’s not persuasion. It’s the experience that you have inside of your body when all of the tension is draining out of it.”
Right. So, it is the experience that you have when, when you actually notice that the tapping is working that convinces you that, “Hey, this is the real deal. This, this is doing something inside my body”. And that’s what we’re gonna do. So, I’m gonna just guide you through some simple tapping and we’re gonna particularly focus on the whole idea of being a tough case.
So, here we go. I’m gonna assume that you know the tapping points. If you don’t know the tapping points simply follow me, do what I do, tap where I tap. So, we’re gonna do a technique that’s called the EFT. It stands for “Emotional Freedom Techniques” -Psychological form of acupuncture but instead of using needles, you tap of the tips of your fingers specific acupressure points at the body. It looks a bit silly but it’s very effective. What it does is it reduces releases negative emotions that are stuck in the body and helps to help your system to process the stuck negative emotions.
So, like I said just follow along, tap where I tap, and you can’t go wrong. Nothing bad is gonna happen. Worst thing is that you don’t feel any relief and that just means you need some specific assistance or focus more on the particular issue or tweak it a bit. You know, this is a video for all people, not, not just for you. If it was just for you it was gonna be much more effective. But let’s just get into this.
Alright. So, start tapping on the karate chop points. So, you get the base of your finger, base of your ring finger, right there. Okay. So, you’re continuously tapping there. How hard do you tap? Hard enough to feel it. Don’t hurt yourself. And at a pretty fast pace.
Alright. So, just repeat after me and you can really repeat it out loud in your mind or you can just repeat it out loud. It doesn’t make that much difference. You know, out loud this is maybe a bit better, but you can do it in your mind as well. All right. So, here we go:
“Even though I’m a tough case and there’s no way I can overcome my social anxiety, maybe other people can but definitely not me. And that’s how I feel about it. And there’s a part of me that maybe doesn’t want to change that. Maybe it’s not safe to change, maybe I don’t deserve to change, maybe I don’t know who I would be without this social anxiety problem. And maybe there are other reasons for why I don’t want to change. But I want to try to accept myself anyway. Or at least give it a go.”
Alright, good. So, now tapping in the beginning of your eyebrows and just keep repeating. So…“I am a tough case.
-Side of the eyes. “Nothing ever works for me. It’s impossible to overcome my social anxiety.” – Under the nose. “I’m the toughest case in the world”. – Chin. “If they would hand out awards for toughest case, I would win. — Collar bone. I would smoke the competition.” – Under the arm. “Nobody is a more tough case than I am”. – Liver point. “It’s completely impossible to overcome my social anxiety.
– Wrist point. “I don’t want to overcome my social anxiety”. -Top of the head. “Yes, I do”. – Beginning on the eyebrows. “No, I don’t.” – Side of the eyes. “Yes, I do.” – Under the eyes. “I just can’t.” – Under the nose. “There’s no way I can overcome it”. – Chin. “Maybe I could”. No, I can’t. – Under the arms. “But what if I could?” – Liver point. “I’m too tough of a case to even give it a try”.
– Wrist point. “There’s no way I can ever overcome it”. – Top of the head. “If I don’t give it a go”. – Beginning of the eyebrows. “Maybe I can give it a go. – Side of the eyes. “But there’s so much to lose”. – Under the eyes. “I want to stay inside my comfort zone”. – Under the nose. “I need to go outside my comfort zone if I want to change”. – Chin. “What if that is just one outdated approach? What if the tapping makes me more comfortable with me and that actually expands my comfort zone?” -Under the arm. “So, as I tap I am changing and I’m expanding my comfort zone”. – Liver point. “Maybe I can take…” Oh, I hear my voice. “Maybe I can take small steps forward”.
– Wrist point. “Little bits of tapping, little bit more comfortable”. – Top of the head. “Lots of little steps of little tapping’s lead to more change over time”.
Very good. Take a deep breath in and let it go. Alright. Well, that may or may have not shifted things for you. My expectation is that you feel at least a bit more comfortable, a bit more at ease with the idea of change. Maybe you don’t feel as much as a tough case anymore. Hopefully you have a bit of hope that you indeed can overcome this challenge in 2018. So, you know, then that’s my, my intention for you, my goal for you.
So, yeah. Then there are some exciting things coming up that I can’t talk about yet but they’re in the works so keep an eye out. In the coming few weeks I’ll probably do some more of these tap-along videos if you like them. So, if you do like them let me know by you know, hitting like button or leaving me a comment. Yeah, I would appreciate it.
And if there’s anything else that can help you with other than solving your problem via email because I cannot do that. But if you have a question or some feedback that other people you know, by me answering that other people can be helped as well, let me know. You can hit reply to the emails that I send out, you can subscribe to these emails here. You also get the “Social confidence starter kit” where you have a bunch of videos where you can learn to tap in more detail. And yeah, reach out, leave a comment, hit like button and I will talk to you soon next week.
Alright. Bye for now.