SUMMARY
A lot of people with social anxiety believe that they cannot overcome their social anxiety.
Because they can’t see themselves without it.
And that is because, they are seeing themselves as a socially anxious person.
And when you perceive yourself in that way, you can’t overcome the problem because you can’t overcome yourself.
Do you feel like it’s impossible to overcome your social anxiety?
Can’t you see yourself socially at ease?
Then this episode is for you!
FULL TRANSCRIPTION
A lot of people with social anxiety believe that they cannot overcome their social anxiety, because they can’t see themselves without it.
That is because they’re seeing themselves as a socially anxious person.
And when you perceive yourself in that way, you can’t overcome the problem because you can’t overcome yourself.
If you’re the problem, then that’s the problem to tackle.
Now, I know why a lot of people are feeling this way, because about 75% of the people, their social anxiety starts between the ages of 8 and 15.
And if you’ve been feeling socially anxious from that early of an age, and you’re now in your 20s or your 30s, that’s so familiar to you, as having blond hair is or being a guy or a girl – that’s just your thing. Then it’s very difficult to imagine not having that.
However, when you think about the logic of things, social anxiety is not something that you’re born with. There are no socially anxious babies.
Social Anxiety is the result of traumatic experiences, or repetitive negative experiences over time, which is also a form of trauma (relational trauma).
And then as a result of that, your brain learns to see the threat in certain situations, or see the little threat that there is in certain situations as much bigger than it truly is.
And that’s really the problem.
And when you experience that problem, well you’re having anxiety, and when that starts when you’re 8 years old, and you’re now 28 years old, you’ve got 20 years of having that experience. And that then can start to feel like well, this is normal. This is just how it is for me, this is who I am. I’m that person who’s socially anxious. Whenever I go into a situation, I feel awkward, I don’t have social skills, I’m socially inept.”
So it makes sense to have been starting to see yourself in that way.
But it really isn’t the way that it is. Because you’re not a socially anxious person.
Rather, you’re a person that is dealing with a problem called social anxiety. And you’ve just had that problem for a long time.
But it is something that can be overcome.
But part of that is starting to see yourself as separate.
So, it’s not that you are socially anxious, is that you have social anxiety.
Now, a lot of people say to me, “Well, I’m just socially awkward, and I just don’t have social skills. And I’m just weird socially.”
And then I asked them, “Okay, well, is there a person in your life that you feel more comfortable with?”
And usually, they say, Yes. Not always. But they might say, “Yeah, well, I’ve got this old friend from way back when, and I feel comfortable with or I feel that way with my mom or I feel that way with my uncle or family member or whoever”.
Or if they can think of some I can say, “Well, have you ever met a person in your life that you felt comfortable with for some reason?”
They are like, “Yeah.”
Typically, they can think of a particular person that they feel comfortable with.
And then I asked him,
Well, when you’re around that person, are you worried about what you’re going to say?
Are you afraid of being judged negatively?
Are you afraid of embarrassing yourself?
Are you afraid of saying something stupid?
In other words, all of these fears and worries, and concerns that are showing up when anxiety gets triggered, don’t show up when they’re with their comfortable person. And so there, they’re fine.
They say, “No, I’m interacting fine. Of course not. No, I feel relaxed with that person. I can be myself, I can chill, I can relax.”
And so then I asked him, “Well, do you have any problems with social skills at that moment?” — “No, I don’t.”
So it means that social skills are not the problem. Because when you’re in a social situation, you’re having no anxiety, and you’re comfortable in the same way that you are with your comfort person, you’ll feel relaxed.
If you’re not worried about how you’re coming across and you’re not filtering yourself through the eyes of others, you’re not worried about how you’re being perceived by others. And you’re just shooting from the hip saying whatever comes to mind because you trust you can handle whatever comes to mind when you like and accept yourself and you anticipate that other people like and accept you too. Then those social skills will be there because you’ll feel safe being your true self.
And that’s really what you’re after.
That is nothing but your normal natural state, so you’re not born with social anxiety. It is something that has developed.
It is also something that can be unlearned.
Those traumatic experiences and the emotions from them are still stuck in your system. And they’re getting triggered, but people’s circumstances and events, and that triggers the anxiety response.
Your brain perceives a threat: “Oh, I might get rejected, oh, I might look foolish Oh, you know, I might get shot or abandoned or whatever.”
And that triggers the fight-flight-freeze response.
The brain perceives threat fight flight freeze, and activates your system in order to fight the danger, or run from it. And if you can’t do either freeze, if you have ever been frozen in a social situation. It’s the fight-flight-freeze response.
So your social anxiety is a response to the trauma that you’ve experienced.
These traumas can be neutralized using tapping and energy psychology.
We want to use the best of traditional psychology with the best of energy psychology. And that combination can help you neutralize the anxiety bit by bit step by step, even if you’ve been suffering from social anxiety from the age of 8.
It’s challenging to see that this is possible. However, when you start doing the work. And you begin with recognizing the fact that “hey, this is a challenge that I’m having, this is not who I am.” — So now that means that you are not the problem, you have a problem.
Well, when you have a problem, you can start working on that problem is start shrinking it and you can make it smaller and smaller and smaller until eventually that problem isn’t there anymore, and you can be your normal natural self.
Social confidence is nothing more than feeling safe and relaxed being your true self.
I hope this helps you suffering from www.social-anxiety-solutions.com
I am in the process of writing my book – it’s going to come out in a couple of months.
Stay tuned. I just want to say that.
Alright. Have a good one. Bye for now.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
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