Does success bring you joy? Or does the first sign of things going your way bring back old feelings of insecurity and dread?
Like everything will slip through your fingers.
Do you allow for good things to happen or do you sabotage your own success?
This is a key topic if you’re suffering with social anxiety. You’ve struggled with insecurity, not fitting in, and things not going your way. Success and confidence might feel untrue to you and you very well be be subconsciously getting in your own way of success.
If that’s the case, then this is the video for you, I’m sharing my own recent experience. Let us know if you can relate.
Sebastiaan: Hi, my name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier. I’m a former social anxiety disorder sufferer and a social confidence coach. I’m going to ramble a little bit in this video because there’s something I want to say and I don’t exactly know how I’m going to communicate it to you but I suspect there is some value for you in this video.
So, here we go. Okay, so, I’m in the Netherlands now and I’m 35 years old and I have been doing this for a long time and it’s starting to grow. It might not show so much on YouTube. I don’t know why but we’ll figure that out. But it’s starting to grow quite a bit and I suspect that this is going to go really big.
Whether that’s just my delusional thinking or not but I think I’m offering something very unique and very powerful and it’s a lot more powerful than the other solutions that are out there and becoming a lot more vocal about that.
This is growing. Now, what I’ve noticed that has come up for me in a particular scenario that I’m going to talk about is what I’m referring to it with the ramble is that like an insecurity about “Do I really deserve that? Is it really okay to do work that is that important?”
And it almost sounds like “Wow, I’m so full of myself, I’m so bragging”. But it’s not that. It just goes where it goes. I’m just doing what I’m doing and it is growing.
That insecurity doesn’t really come up normally. But I want to talk about this because I had that feeling so much when I was suffering with anxiety. Like “Can I really be it socially? Is it really possible that I can just be myself and not have these anxious feelings? Not have my heart raise, not have a lump in my throat, don’t blush and that I actually just feel on an equal level to other people? Am I worthy of that? Do I deserve that? Those kinds of feelings?
I struggled for it for a long time. Now I don’t have that anymore in social situations but now my business is starting to move up and starting to move to a next level and then that insecure feeling was still there on some level even though I’ve done some work on it. And that’s okay.
Now, I’ll tell you where it came up. It came up after I smoked some hash. Like I said I’m in the Netherlands right now. So, hash is legal here and I’m not necessarily promoting that at all. I’m just sharing with you my experience. My experience has been because I started smoking weed when I was 12 and I smoked from age 14 to age 25 a gram a day. So, that’s a pretty serious addiction. I don’t care what they say about whether it’s addictive or not. To me it was very addictive. And I smoke three joints a day by myself which is totally ridiculous. It’s probably why I’m so forgetful these days. But it was very difficult for me to overcome that and eventually I started getting panic attacks every time I would smoke.
And so, then I would drink first and then I would smoke. So, I’d first get myself like intoxicated and then I could smoke. And that was okay for a while but then at some point even that didn’t work anymore. Then I really was kind of forced to stop and I didn’t smoke for… I’m talking about smoking weed or hash that I didn’t smoke weed or hash for four or five years. Maybe even longer.
Now last year I was curious what would happen after not having smoked for I don’t know, years. And having done a lot of inner work and having come to like an inner peace and ease with myself what it would then be like to smoke a little bit of hash. So, I bought the cheapest joint that you can get here in the coffee shop and I took like three drags and I also don’t smoke cigarettes anymore. So, I’m like let’s see what happens. And it was actually nice. I got a bit creative and everything. I started philosophically thinking and that was good. So, I did that last year and I didn’t do it the whole year because it’s also very legal in Bali and the other places where I usually am.
Now I was back in the Netherlands and I came back from dancing the other day. I’m like I’m going to get a hash joint and see how I go and see how I feel. And so, after I had smoked it, I again got like thoughts about where my business is going and for my philosophy on life and it was quite interesting. But I also noticed this underlying fear and insecurity that I mentioned earlier.
Is this okay?
It’s a bit scary if this is going to get really big and what’s that going to mean for my life. And so, I noticed that basically I became aware of the resistance that are maybe not so aware of normally in my day-to-day life.
And I bring this up because I want to point out that when you’re going to next levels in your life whether that is more socially at ease or more friends or better friends or higher up in your career it’s going to trigger particular insecurities. That’s going to happen throughout life. It’s going to bother you less and less and less and less.
That came up for me and what did I do? I simply booked the session with my mentor and I said let’s talk about it. And I wrote in detail what I thought, how I felt and what I was aware of and then we started working through it. That’s been very helpful. By the way that just happened a couple of hours ago.
But I just wanted to freshly talk about this and share this with you. Hopefully it’s helpful in some way shape or form. I think they call it the impostor syndrome but it also happens in the area of social anxiety because I experienced it.
That is something that needs to be addressed because that not feeling deserving of what it is that you want will cause sabotage and so you want to address that. As you address that moving towards where you want to be is going to be a lot smoother ride and you’ll get the lasting results that you’re looking for.
I hope this has been helpful. If you have any questions or thoughts or feedback put it in the video comment section below. I saved that sentence. Subscribe here where there are these videos like this every Tuesday and every Thursday. Tuesday’s is Testimonial Tuesdays where I release testimonials of former clients, people have gone through products. You name it.
That’s inspiring a very short couple of minutes and on Thursdays I answer questions or I make videos that hopefully provide some value to you. So, subscribe and there you go.
All right, have a great week and I’ll talk to you soon. Bye.