JESSICA:

When a situation was bad…

If I felt like I was awkward, that I was beating myself up, like the next day or so on, and so on, and so forth.

I was just like…

…maybe it got to the point that it was pretty bad that it made me very depressed because I was just like “Wow! I don’t want to live my life like this. I don’t want to be scared. I want to do things. I want to be successful. I want to be like this and that. But how can I be with living in fear and always thinking the worst things?”

SEB:

Hi! My name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier and I am a former Social Anxiety sufferer and a Social Confidence Coach. I do a podcast – Social Anxiety Solutions and I run an online community called the Social Confidence Club.

And today, I’m going to be interviewing Jessica who reached out to Lia (our manager) and said, “Hey, I would like to do a bit of an interview because I’m doing quite well these days.”

She courageously reached out, and we just had a little intro chat and I said, “Thank you for doing this.” And she said, “Yeah, it helped me a lot. Making the decision to join the Social Confidence Club last time when I saw interviews for other people, so I’d like to do the same.”

Awesome!

First of all, thank you very much! Very nice. Very much appreciated.

What I usually like doing to these interviews is, first, getting a bit of an idea of how it was because people can relate to the pain of the suffering quite well.

So, what was your experience with Social Anxiety before you joined?

JESSICA:

I was struggling with Social Anxiety for as long as I can remember.

Definitely, it was really bad when I was in high school. So over like, 15 years or so. Or even before then, a lot of people, I would tell them, “Oh, you know, maybe if I brought it up with my mom or somebody…” and people would be like, “What do you mean? You’re fine. You don’t have any anxiety.” That was always so frustrating to me. I always felt super alone, because it’s a very rare, I guess, type of anxiety for most people to understand.

SEB:

And if they don’t have it, they don’t understand it.

JESSICA:

Exactly.

It just took a toll so much on my life.

I was always overthinking all the time, in every situation I was in. I had worse anxiety with even family members or even certain people that I was closer with.

So, it was totally dependent on, I guess, on the vibe that I got from some people or something like that.

But it was hard for me to do many things and like: speak my mind.

I just was always second-guessing myself in all areas of my life.

It was really hard in relationships, too. When I wanted to be in any good relationship, I just felt like I didn’t even want to be myself. And I was like, “Oh my God! Is this who I am?” I’m just like a scared person or something like that.” 

It was so frustrating, and it was super debilitating. It just was always in my head, and I was scared to do certain things in it.

It varied. Some things I would be okay with, but a lot of the time, like going out, meeting new people, I don’t know how I’m going to be with this person.

When a situation was bad, so if I felt like I was awkward, then I was beating myself up like the next day or so on, and so on, and so forth. Maybe it got to the point that it was pretty bad that it made me very depressed because I was just like “Wow! I don’t want to live my life like this. I don’t want to be scared. I want to do things. I want to be successful. I want to be like this and that. But how can I be with living in fear and always thinking the worst things?”

Even before events, things would happen. I would want to go somewhere. I’ll go to the store and then be kind of scared if I’d run into somebody and I was like “God forbid. Or I will get my hair done or this or that.” It’s just like this huge thing. I’m worried more about what I look like, too. And if I looked worse then it was worst. It’s this whole thing.

SEB:

Crazy.

For some people, it’s the same in all situations. I just feel anxiety all the time. And for other people, there’s something that stands out that’s like the biggest problem.

Did you have anything like that? What was it for you?

JESSICA:

Definitely.

Like I said, it felt uncomfortable in certain situations and with certain people. It’s almost like if there was one person, or a certain friend that was with me in a certain situation, then maybe I’d be okay.

So, I think a lot of the fear was just like having to do things on my own, and how would I be, and how would I react.

It’s weird because I wasn’t as scared to speak in public, around a bunch of people, or something like that. But it was like little situations where it was intimate with people, then that’s terrifying.

But it’s almost like if there was a bigger crowd, which I wasn’t really speaking in front of people that often. But I remember in high school I did, and that was okay for me.

But it was just so particular with little situations. And if there’s a particular people that I knew I was so anxious around, I know already. I already have that in my head like I prejudged the situation.

SEB:

Right. I know I’m going to be anxious around them and then worried about that.

JESSICA:

Yes.

SEB:

Got it.

Do you know or do you remember what you were afraid of specifically?

JESSICA:

I think it’s just always those saying something stupid. It was always revolving around that or feeling like a loser.

But mostly, if I say something stupid, and I don’t sound smart, or if this person’s going to think I’m an idiot. That kind of thing was always popping around. I always wanted to seem I knew what I was talking about.

SEB:

Got it.

Interestingly enough, a lot of the fears that we, well, I say “we”.  We, people who have Social Anxiety to such a degree that we need to do work on it to address that we experience.

Most people have some Social Anxiety, too and they have the same fears, but they just have them a tiny bit and they can still properly function.

I think it’s relatable to most people.

I do this work already for 12-13 years. And people ask me, “What do you do?” And I explain what I do. And they’re like, “Oh, okay, I have that.” 

Lots of people actually say “Oh! I have that problem. What should I do to fix it?”

But I’m like, “Well, you don’t have it that bad because we’re having a normal conversation here and you’re not freaking out.”

That being said, some people that I have told in the past, actually got really uncomfortable and awkward. “Oh, you do that?” “I’m having that problem right now.” They didn’t say it, but I could see that they were uncomfortable with me sharing.

Anyway, I like my own stories a little bit too much.

Anyway, that was your experience.

How did you find out about the Social Confidence Club?

What was your experience with my work, or tapping, something like that?

JESSICA:

It was several years prior to my joining that I had just looked up Social Anxiety and things that can help online.

And I had found you and I was listening to your podcasts throughout the years.

And then there were times where I was like, I kind of push my Social Anxiety to the side.

I was like, “Oh, it’s not that big of a deal.” And then I found it got worse this past time.

I think it was last year (January) when I saw that you had the 30-day little promotion thing or whatever.

SEB:

The Social Confidence Challenge?

JESSICA:

Yeah. The challenge. Exactly.

And then I decided to enter that and then that’s when I joined the club after that.

I had tried some of your tapping and a couple of the videos and I was always interested in it because I know it made me feel a lot calmer. It was just something I had never tried that I was very interested in. I knew you had suffered, and it was just more understanding than anything else I’d ever tried before.

SEB:

Got it. What did you try before?

JESSICA:

I have done different kinds. I’ve done like Reiki and some others like counseling and therapy and that kind of stuff.

What else have I tried? I think, it’s pretty much about it.

SEB:

And what were your results with that?

JESSICA:

I found talking about it with a counselor was nice, but it just wasn’t what I needed solutions.

Things I could even do on my own and I just wasn’t getting results, or it would seem like it was okay. I would feel better for a little while and then it would always come back just as a full force. And I was just like, “Oh my God”. And it was just that always fear of, “Oh, I’m good or maybe I feel better for these two months or whatever. But who knows what’s going to happen?”

That’s when I started seeing so many results from the group and from watching other people’s videos who had results from being in the club.

That’s when I had to do this.

SEB:

Got it.

Did you have any concerns before joining? This is some marketing question that I found online, which kind of helped me bring to the forefront thoughts that people might have, in anticipation of joining, and that might make them not join.

Were there any obstacles in your mind that you were having that made you consider not joining the club?

JESSICA:

I think I was just concerned as I used to be, that this might just be another thing that’s going to help me temporarily. Like it’s another thing I’m going to spend money on and it’s just going to be temporary. It will work for a bit, and then it won’t.

But then I saw that there were so many people in it. And from all the videos that you had of people who had results from the club, it was nice and reassuring. Like, “Wow! These other people have the same experiences as I do, or it’s very similar.” So, it was reassuring because I’ve never had so many people who understand how I felt. And that’s a huge problem and a big one, a very lonely feeling.

SEB:

Got it.

So then, you joined.

JESSICA:

Well, I think one of my favorite things, again, it’s just I actually met, and I still talk to several people from the club.

I still have a little WhatsApp group with a couple of girls and stuff.

And just meeting so many people who understood how I felt and even could converse with you throughout the day or whenever, and be like, “Oh, I’m having this little situation.” and someone would be like, “Yeah, been there”; “I’m feeling that too”; or “It felt like that, too.”; You can do this kind of thing.”

Just the fact that it was a group. It just felt like I was finally understood by a bunch of other people from all over the world experiencing so many same things.

Yes, it’s really nice.

SEB:

Cool to hear that.

I started the Social Confidence Club because I thought that there because were having weekly coaching sessions and people are going to be tapping along with that. And that’s going to bring more process. It’s going to be dripped, so it’s going to be easier for people to consume.

And yes, there’ll be also the connection that people have but I didn’t foresee the massive healing effect of the community element beforehand.

I’m reading more about that now and it’s very interesting, actually.

But it makes total sense because it helps you see that you’re not so weird after all and that you’re not alone with this issue that you have. It’s very comforting and soothing to be understood.

A little side story, I told you I like my own story a little bit too much.

I had a panic attack once and it was really bad. I didn’t know what was happening to me and then while we were on the water, on the boat, I was having this panic attack. And eventually, I was talking to my girlfriend at that time, and I told her finally, what was going on with me in the middle of it. I had calmed down a bit, but I was still freaking out. And I told her all the symptoms, and she’s like, “Ah, you’re having a panic attack. I’ve had many of those.”

And just hearing that is like, “Oh, okay. There’s nothing wrong with me.”  This has a name, and other people have it and that reassured me already.

I didn’t resolve it. I needed other stuff to resolve it. But that was reassuring.

Cool.

What are some other things that you like?

What are three other things that you like about the club?

 JESSICA:

Well, obviously, I really like all the work that you do, and everything.

That’s really nice.

And you send us all information, emails, and things to do every day.

I got a binder, and I would like to print things out, made it like a little exciting school thing for me or something. It was nice to go over that once in a while.

And you had some videos I could just go back on when I’d have like a situation where there was bad and I felt anxious after and embarrassed, I would do a little tap on that, and they would release it.

So, it was like, we had the club, we had all that. We had our meetings and everything. I never felt alone after. It wasn’t just like the webinars, and then I wouldn’t have anything.

I had things to go back on all the time like the videos and things that you would send us daily or whenever.

And then, talking to people also throughout the week, and just trying to make more friends with people who understand. It was nice having all the stuff to read that you sent and just being able to go back on everything whenever it was needed.

SEB:

Yeah. You made some friends out of it as well.

JESSICA:

I did. It’s cool.

It’s interesting to see other people’s progress.

It put me out of my comfort zone a little more, to try to make some friends out of it and, meet people from other places in the world that you can stay in contact with that still know what you’ve been through and really understand it.

SEB:

Nice. How is it now? What has changed?

JESSICA:

I think so much has changed, honestly.

I don’t overthink. I don’t even consider myself to have social anxiety at all anymore.

There might be situations or feelings just here and there or whatever, randomly. But I don’t see it as like, “Oh my God, it’s this huge problem.” It’s just kind of a phase.

I really think the club also helped me understand myself even more too, which was nice.

I think a lot of us that have Social Anxiety is very highly sensitive people and that’s not a bad thing. But you just must really understand and see how that can kind of help you shift things in your life.

But after joining the club, I got into a nice relationship and I’m still in it and it’s really good and like the best relationship I’ve been in. I’ve been able to communicate and have someone understand me and not judge me.

And when I brought up, I had social anxiety, he’s like, “Oh, yeah, I’ve had that.”

And just being able to finally put myself out there and develop relationships, even other friendships now.

Just in a better way of communicating and not being so scared. I think there was always a problem with me even in friendships, I’m just scared to communicate how I feel about things, and I usually just avoid things because I don’t want someone to not like me. That was always a huge thing.

And now, I am even able to do that. Of course, I still have my own building to do with things of myself or more confidence always and stuff, but that part has just totally changed.

The tapping is such a healing thing for me. I’ll even do it randomly, sometimes still now if I feel something or just anything. Because it just makes me feel calm and good and it’s something that I know works.

SEB:

It’s a tool for life.

JESSICA:

Absolutely.

SEB:

Very cool.

And so, you’re in a relationship now, too! That’s wonderful.

It’s amazing what happens. I’ll say it again. When Social Anxiety gets so bad that it forces you to do something about it, you’re forced to then look at what’s causing the anxiety because the anxiety is just the symptom that gets your attention.

And then when you start resolving the stuff that triggers the anxiety, you increase your self-esteem, you build your self-acceptance, it’s like kind of what you described as well.

And you just get to know yourself better. You just become a person who’s more comfortable in your own, his or her own skin. And from that place, your life just starts to improve because you show up differently. You have a different vibe. When you’re more at ease, and you’re more comfortable, things just open up.

JESSICA:

Totally a 100%.

I don’t find that I’m scared anymore to even explain how I felt. I’ve had social anxiety and have experienced different things.

I was even telling some other friends in the group that this is a thing now that we’ve been through that we can help other people with. And some people may be never experienced it, but not that we’re lucky in any way. But it’s something that we know and if somebody else experiences it, then we fully understand it. I’m not embarrassed at all, with anything.

And even throughout the club, I started noticing I was less worried about it because I would even tell some friends like “I would just call it like a group, little group, session or therapy or something like healing little thing.” I wasn’t embarrassed to say that or talk about what it was about. And it just started peeling away at a lot of things. I just think I developed a lot more acceptance of what I’ve been through and who I am.

SEB:

Absolutely.

Well, that’s one of the three key pillars: Acceptance.

1. Achieving acceptance
2. Clearing resistance
3. Working through the triggers. Coming to terms with the issue and learning to accept all of yourself.

Let’s take it to freedom.

I’m happy that it’s working out well.

That’s very cool.

Nice.

Let me look at my list of questions that I jotted down because maybe I’m forgetting some.

Do you recommend Social Confidence Club? And if so, why?

JESSICA:

Yeah, absolutely.

Again, I just think it’s a place where you feel safe, and people understand you. Compared to other forms of things that you could do to try to help yourself, it’s a lot of a cheaper route, too. Again, you’re in a group so it’s just something about that I think is really a strong dynamic.

I, 100% would recommend it and you can go back and listen to things and it’s really good.

And then you just tap the whole time and it’s relaxing. It’s just so many kinds of benefits for the price because I was always kind of concerned about that, too.

Money can always be another anxiety or that kind of thing. But, for other things that I’ve paid for, not getting results, or you go one therapy session, and how expensive, it can add up and make you feel more anxious and stressed.

SEB:

Awesome. Then, the final question. Anything else you’d like to add?

JESSICA:

I’m not sure.

I just think tapping is a wonderful form of therapy, I like to say. It’s something that’s different. And it’s worth trying for everybody. You don’t even have to have a specific issue or problem; it really releases your body or just relaxes a lot of your nerves and everything.

And I just think being in a group with people who understand you is powerful. And that alone, I think, right away, even once I got in, and I had met a couple of people, right away, I just felt like that little bit of a shift.

Maybe not everybody will have super-fast results. I was in a group for a couple of months and then you’ve got to work on things after and do other stuff. But it’s a step in a positive direction, I think. There are not a lot of tons of things for social anxiety. Like, still, I feel like there are just not a lot of other routes to go and EFT helps.

And you help so much because you dealt with it in yourself, and you’ve been doing this for years – helping everyone.

So that’s a positive environment, and it’s really a good group / club.

SEB:

Awesome.

So, if you want to have the highest likelihood of joining a Social Confidence Club, sign up for the early announcement list. Then you’ll be the first to know when we actually opened the club, and you can sign up for that by going to bit.ly/socialconfidenceclub.

Awesome.

Thank you very much for sharing. Much appreciated. Very cool.

I will end this in a very official way.

This is Sebastiaan from www.social-anxiety-solutions.com.

We have a new year for the Social Confidence Club. That’s going to open somewhere in February.

If you’re listening to this, you’re probably listening to this on my podcast or my YouTube channel.

If you’re on my email list, you will be notified about it probably and I’ll be telling you about it on my YouTube channel as well.

If you want to get on the email list, you can go to www.social-anxiety-solutions.com and click on Overcome Social Anxiety, and you’ll find information there.

Right on.

Thank you very much again, Jessica.

JESSICA:

Thank you!

SEB:

Everyone else, see you very soon.

Bye for now.

Want to massively reduce your social anxiety from the comfort of your own home

…for F R E E ?

Then join the next 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge!

You’ll receive the best of my work delivered through short daily emails & videos.

• Release your fear, shame, and insecurity through powerful tap-along videos
• Discover the 5 stages and 21 milestones on the journey to social confidence
• Boost your self-esteem and finally stop beating yourself up

Ready to feel less anxious, and more at confident, in just 1 month?

Then join thousands of others on the #JourneyToSocialConfidence.

We begin January 1st, 2021. And when you join our worldwide social confidence community today, you’ll receive the optimal preparation for the challenge.

Get started on YOUR #JourneyToSocialConfidence by clicking here now.

If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!

SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!

• Author
• Recent Posts

Join me

Sebastiaan

Sebastiaan van der Schrier is a Social Confidence Coach and ex social anxiety sufferer. He helps socially anxious people become confident using a unique and painless approach. He is the host of the Social Anxiety Solutions podcast show and runs the first ever online Social Confidence Community.

Join me

Latest posts by Sebastiaan (see all)

• How To Stop Worrying - January 17, 2024
• How to Reduce Facial Blushing with EFT Tapping? - June 29, 2023
• Are You Scared to Get Anxious? Here’s how to fix it! - June 16, 2023