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Let’s talk about the Social Anxiety Stigma.
When you tell people that you have Social Anxiety, are you worried that they will judge you?
People who suffer from Social Anxiety doesn’t want to let other people know about it.
They might have an impression of “I’m a weirdo, I’m weak and pathetic, they won’t respect and value me, they will pity me”
But not all people think that way.
Sometimes, it is your emotionalized thoughts that is making things bigger and it will blow up your Social Anxiety even more.
And in this episode, Sebastiaan will be talking about that.
PS: Don’t try to get everyone like you. You only need people who truly appreciate and accept you for you are and what you are.
You are stronger than other people’s judgment.
Do you feel judged by people?
You’re not alone.
I just saw a comment that was made under one of my videos from Andy Thebro. And he wrote something along the lines of: ‘Can you talk about stigma and how to deal with that? And perhaps other mindset or strategies to handle the stigma that there is for Social Anxiety?’
And I want to say a couple of things about that.
This is the first thing: Some of the stigma is perhaps true.
Some people might indeed be judgmental, and think, ‘Oh, my God, look at him or look at her, he has Social Anxiety, I’m so much better than that person.’
But that’s not the majority.
And so, it’s probably yourself, who’s having those kinds of thoughts, and you’re making the stigma that you think is out there a lot bigger in your mind than that it really is.
So truth is, some people judge you.
Some people think you’re weak.
All of these things that you’re afraid of to be judged for:
I’m afraid that they think I’m a weirdo.
I’m afraid they’re think I’m weak and pathetic,
I’m afraid that they think I’m not worthy of their respect.
I’m afraid that they pity me.
Those kinds of things are mostly in your head, and you’re blowing them up.
You’re making them much bigger than that they are in reality, that’s the first thing.
Secondly, the truth is that some people are judging you. Maybe usually, for a brief second.
This is not something that consumes their thinking the whole time.
‘Oh, he’s socially anxious, oh, he’s socially anxious. Oh, let me be constantly focusing on this person that’s socially anxious. And that is so important to me that I forget everything else in my life, what I’m busy with, my work, what’s going on in my life, my problems might issues, what I’m doing what’s interesting to me, all of that is out of the window, because here’s a person that has Social Anxiety. So let me now spend all of my emotional energy focusing on judging this person that has Social Anxiety.’
That’s nonsense. That’s just in your head. That’s not true.
They might judge you. If they judge you, and if so, it’s likely for just a brief second.
And other people don’t judge you, some people do feel pity for you, or they feel compassion for you, and they want to help you.
You know, I had this problem severely, myself. And when I see someone who is anxious, I feel compassion. And I want to help.
I just asked my girlfriend, like, ‘if you see someone who has Social Anxiety, how does that affect you?’
And she’s like, ‘well, I’ll probably feel a bit of anxiety myself, initially. And then, you know, I feel some pity for them. And I kind of want to help them.’
That’s okay. That’s one of the responses.
Other people just shrug it off.
There’s different kinds of ways that people respond to it.
And that is the second thing: that’s not in your control, that’s outside your control.
So whether there is a stigma or there isn’t stigma, the stigma is really big, or the stigma is really small, that’s outside your control.
What you do have control over is how you react to it.
And that’s where your power lies.
Your goal is to focus on what you can control, and to let go of what you cannot control.
So your outcome is to become okay with whatever it is that they’re thinking, whether they’re judging you is weak or pathetic, or bla bla bla.
Your outcome is to accept however it is that they’re thinking.
So if there is a stigma for Social Anxiety, accept it, come to terms with it.
Now, that’s easier said than done, but totally accomplishable using tapping.
Because the reality is, you’re making pictures in your mind of people judging you.
You’re talking to yourself about how they were judging you in that situation. And you are having feelings in your body as a result of all of that.
So that’s all happening inside of you. And you have control of that, especially when you do the tapping. Because the tapping will help you to neutralize these thoughts. So if you’re thinking, ‘they’re judging me’, and as you’re thinking that thought you cringe, you can do the tapping on:
‘they’re judging me’
‘they’re thinking that I’m pathetic’
‘they’re thinking that I’m weak’
You can tap on that specific thought or you can focus on that feeling of cringe in the body, and that begins to neutralize it as you’re starting to neutralize those thoughts, you’re becoming bit by bit more and more okay with whatever they’re thinking. And that’s what you’re after.
And you especially want to use the tapping to neutralize your reactions to the people that you imagine or in real time, think to be the most judgmental.
So think about the people that you perceive to be most judgmental of your Social Anxiety: cool people, attractive people, this person at work, your boss ,whatever
Think about these people judging you. Notice what that does in your body, and then start applying to tapping and neutralize your emotional reactions.
And finally, point number three, go to where you’re appreciated most.
Now, a small percentage of people is indeed very judgmental, perhaps mean, looks down on you, and all the rest of it.
That’s a small percentage of people. Don’t hang out with those people, ditch them, make them irrelevant. You know, those people are not the ones that you want to be hanging out with?
Why would you?
It makes no sense.
So there are people that are kinder friendlier, more fun, easier to connect to, those are the kinds of people that you want to go to go to where you are appreciated most.
So certain people you click with a lot more than other people. And it might be people that are more understanding, kinder, more compassionate, who get you more who share similar values to you, those kinds of people will accept that you have some anxiety, don’t judge you for it, recognize that that’s just some challenge that you’re dealing with, and judge you for who you are behind behind the anxiety, they judge you for your character for your values for is this a nice person, you know, do I enjoy devalues this kind of person has to enjoy hanging out with this kind of person, and that kind of stuff.
And some anxiety is not going to cause them to discredit you, and disrespect you and all that kind of stuff.
Find those kinds of people and spend more time with them.
Don’t try to get everyone to like and respect you. That’s outside your control.
Focus on deepening your self respect, really, truly liking all of you, then the opinions of other people become a lot less relevant.
Work and use the tapping to come to acceptance of however people might be judging you and go to where you’re appreciated most find people who have similar values to you.
And that’s going to help you a ton.
Learn to accept however people are judging you.
Go to where you’re appreciated most and find people have similar values to you.
You don’t need the whole world to like you just need a couple of people that are really great for you to enjoy your time with.
Hope this helps you.
Bye for now.