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Last week, I gave 3 #empowering perspectives to help you feel okay with yourself.
I also gave a hint that we are going to have a #TapAlong video! ??
If you haven’t watched that yet, go to ???? https://youtu.be/tz4fA5QS3EQ
In this video, we’re going to do an #EmotionalRelease exercise to address the annoying, pesky pattern of comparing yourself with others.
Listen, relax, and tap-along!
If you want to learn how to overcome your Social Anxiety, go to www.social-anxiety-solutions.com
In this video, we’re going to do an Emotional Release technique to address the annoying, pesky pattern of comparing yourself to others.
My name is Sebastiaan Van Der Shrier, I’m a Social Anxiety Solutions expert; I help people with Social Anxiety feel calm, relaxed, and at ease in social situations. I have been doing that since 2009. I specialize in combining Traditional Psychology with Eastern Energy Psychology. And one of the techniques that fall under the umbrella, or one of the spokes in the umbrella term of energy psychology is called EFT which stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques. It’s an odd, unusual looking tapping technique, that is kind of like acupuncture. But instead of using needles, you tap with the tips of your fingers on specific acupressure points in the body.
If you’ve never heard of this, don’t worry about it. It looks a bit unusual. You probably think it’s a scam.
It’s not. It’s amazing. Just follow along and see what happens. Because what this technique does is it actually releases emotions connected to thoughts, to memories, and it processes stuck negative emotions that are held in the body. Pretty damn, amazing. So, it puts what you can accomplish with traditional psychology on steroids. That means you get a lot of faster results.
Especially in terms of overcoming your Social Anxiety, this works fantastically well. With this, you can actually overcome your Social Anxiety completely. You can get to a place where you’re just at ease, where you’re relaxed, where you’ll have a good time socially, where you enjoy connecting with others. And for things to just flowing, or things effortless, where you feel safe to be yourself. No anxiety, that’s what we’re talking about. And not just “No anxiety”, actually just feeling at ease, normal, relaxed, chill. That’s it. All right.
What this video is about is how to stop comparing yourself to others. And it’s actually the second part, the first part you can find here (https://youtu.be/tz4fA5QS3EQ). And in that first video, I kind of set the stage for this video.
In this video, what I’m going to do is I’m going to guide you through a particular EFT tapping exercise.
Now, when you have a particular pattern, which this is: comparing yourself – it’s a pattern of your mind. Your mind is doing that constantly. And when you have any kind of pattern, it is originally intended by your mind created rather for your subconscious mind. This is not an entity in and of itself. It’s more like a tape recorder. It just records information and then creates programs or patterns. And a particular pattern, like comparing yourself to others always has a positive intention, because we’re not self-destructive. A pattern is intended to serve you.
So, comparing yourself with others is intended to see how well you’re doing, look at how you can improve, where you fit in the pecking order. It’s often a protection mechanism. Or I’m inferior to that person, so I must do this and that, and the other behavior in order to get approval, and I have to avoid this and that, and the other behavior so that I don’t get rejected from the tribe, and therefore I survive. So this is a helpful pattern. Right? So it serves positive intention.
When you start out your tapping, that’s the first thing that you want to acknowledge that you’re no longer at war with yourself.
The second thing that you want to look at is, when you have a pattern going on like this, it’s probably bothering you in your life a lot. And it can then trigger all sorts of feelings about having that pattern like “it’s frustrating”, “I’m annoyed with myself”, “why did I get this?”. And so these feelings about the pattern actually put a lid on it, they lock it in place, and now it’s very hard for you to change it because you’re too busy beating yourself up over the pattern itself. That’s another thing that needs to be looked at and tapped on.
Those emotions can be released. There might even be judgments of yourself for having it, “why am I so stupid that I fall into that trap, I should be more involved in that, blah, blah, blah”.
That’s dealing with what is, that’s dealing with the effects of the pattern. And it’s kind of coming to terms with it. Accepting where you’re at. Because acceptance is a precondition for lasting change. Then, once you’re at that stage, now you can start looking at “why is that pattern so strong for me?” That is a thing that happens all over the world, this is a very, very common, but not necessary. Or it’s not necessary that it bothers you. You can get it to a place where comparing yourself to others is actually inspiring you. Rather than it makes you feel insecure and ashamed, and not good enough, which kind of brings me to why it is a troublesome pattern, the root of why it becomes a troublesome pattern for some people.
And that is because they compare themselves to others. And they then feel less than, they feel inferior, they feel they’re not good enough, they feel they’re not living up to how they’re supposed to be. And so they’re rejecting themselves. That’s the deeper underlying issue, that makes that pattern so strong, and ultimately, what you want to get to is where you just feel equal to people. And so you got to get rid of that not feeling good enough, you got to neutralize that “not being okay with yourself”, you got to get rid of your “shoulds”: “I should be the best”, “I should be the funniest”, “I shouldn’t look like this”, “I shouldn’t behave in that way”. And all of that can be quite a bit of a journey.
For me, it took me years because I was a pretty messed up case. Still, a bit messed up in some ways, but I haven’t reached perfection yet. never will. Neither will you. Keep trying if you want.
But for me, it was quite a journey and such a worthwhile journey, I would do it over again because the freedom and the liberation that you get from overcoming that pattern, especially for overcoming your Social Anxiety is worth anything. Because connecting with others, feeling free to be yourself, waking up and like, “what am I going to do”, and not worrying about who am I going to run into, going to social events and looking forward to connecting with new people, etc, etc, etc.
All of that is worth your time and effort.
So however long that takes, that’s how long it takes. You will make progress, the moment you start working on yourself in this way, by combining traditional psychology with things like tapping, energy psychology. Things can speed up real quick, you can get great relief really quickly.
Alright, so without further ado, that’s the journey. And for some people, that’s quite quickly, actually. Not everyone is kind of like me, thank God.
And in order to get a bit of a sense of what’s possible, and for some people, the lucky ones, which might be you, get quite a profound transformation. Let’s do a simple tap along.
Now usually, that just addresses things on the surface, and it doesn’t get rid of the root cause of the problem. But sometimes, you actually can make very good headway and do address things from the root of the problem. It just depends. It depends on the person. But anyone watching this will get some kind of benefit from tapping along and follow along with it.
So if you’re new to this, just follow along, tap where I tap, say what I say. And then let’s see what happens.
Starting out, tapping here in the side of the hand, the base of your pinky finger, the base of your wrist taking three fingers, and just tapping there. If you’re not sure where I tap, just tap where I roughly tap and you’ll get the benefit anyway. You don’t have to do this perfectly, and you’ll still get the benefit. Repeat after me out loud. What I say
Start with closing your eyes. And I want you to think about that pattern of comparing. Perhaps you think about some people that you compare yourself with. People that look better than you, or that are wealthier than you, or have more friends than you, or are more socially at ease than you, or have higher education than you, or are just cooler than you or whatever. And just notice how that is making you feel as you’re thinking about that.
Notice what emotions it brings up for you. Perhaps insecurity, maybe embarrassment, maybe frustration with yourself, maybe annoyance with yourself, maybe shame, insecurity feelings of not good enough. And notice how it feels in your body. Maybe you’re noticing tension in your chest or a lump in your throat or an upset stomach. Maybe there’s heating your face, maybe you feel jittery, maybe it’s not making you actually feel anxious. Just rate all of that discomfort on the scale of 0 to 10.
10 being the biggest discomfort, 0 being no discomfort at all.
Just open your eyes. And just repeat after me out loud.
Even though I compare myself to others, and it makes me feel like shit.
There’s a part of me that’s doing that for a reason.
And even though I might not really understand that reason,
I’m willing to consider the possibility that it’s intended to serve me.
Even though I compare myself to others,
I’ve got this pattern going on of comparing myself to others.
And it sucks.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to stop doing that.
Maybe it’s not safe to stop comparing myself.
Maybe I don’t deserve it.
Maybe I won’t improve myself anymore.
Maybe it’s part of my identity that I do that.
But for whatever reason, good or bad, logical or not.
I refuse to stop comparing myself with others.
And even though I have this pesky comparing myself pattern
and it really makes me feel bad.
I’m open to trying to accept all my feelings.
At least a little bit more.
Good. Now on the beginning of your eyebrows – This comparing myself pattern
Side of the eyes – I compare myself with others
Under the eyes – and I don’t measure up.
Under the nose – they are better than me.
Chin – that’s not true.
Collarbone – But that’s how it feels to me.
Under the arms – logic might tell me otherwise.
On the liver point – but my emotions are stronger than my logic.
Wrist point – I’m comparing myself with others.
Top of the head – Makes me feel bad about myself.
Beginning of the eyebrows – so frustrating that I do that.
Side of the eyes – I’m not supposed to do that.
Under the eyes – Why do I keep comparing myself to others?
Under the nose – it’s so annoying
Chin – so frustrating
Collarbone – I can’t stop it.
Under the arms – maybe part of me doesn’t want to stop
Liver point – and I release all my emotional attachments to comparing myself with others.
On the wrist point, I release all my resistances and aversions to feeling equal to others right now.
Top of the head – I’ve been comparing myself to others for the longest time
On the beginning of the eyebrows – I don’t know any better.
Side of the eyes – What am I supposed to do instead?
Under the eyes – they are better than me.
Under the nose – I am not good enough
Chin – and I release all my emotional attachments to I’m not good enough.
Collarbone – I shouldn’t be better than I am.
Under the arms – I have to fix myself.
Liver point – I release all my emotional attachments to I have to prove myself. And I have to improve myself.
Wrist point – this annoying problem
Top of the head – I wonder what it would be like
Beginning of the eyebrows – If I accepted myself as I am right now.
Side of the eyes – I can’t do that.
Under the eyes – that’s too difficult.
Under the nose – there are all these things wrong with me.
Chin – and I release all my emotional attachments to there’s something wrong with me.
Collarbone – There’s something wrong with me.
Under the arms – unless there isn’t.
Liver point – And I was just taught that there was something wrong with me.
Wrist point – but what was what if that was false?
Top of the head – I’m willing to consider the possibility that deep down I am okay just the way I am.
I am okay, just the way I am.
Then breathe, and relax.
Now close your eyes again. And think about what you were thinking about before. Those people that you compare yourself with. That you have been comparing yourself with. And notice what’s different.
You might feel better, you might feel less bad, you might feel quite a big shift, you might feel a little shift. Let me know in the comment section, what you experienced during the tapping. What your number was before, and what your number was after. And any insights you might want to share, put it down in the comments below.
Hope this was helpful for you. If you want to learn more about this, you can go to my website www.social-anxiety-solutions.com
This is Sebastiaan Van Der Schrier from guess what? www.social-anxiety-solutions.com
All right, talk to you soon. Bye for now. Ciao.