Why is it we start some new habit, we get all excited about it, and then we just let it fall by the wayside?
We let all that planning and goal setting and excitement go out the window.
I’m going to share that with you two main reasons we do that and what you can actually do about it to overcome it.
I’m sharing something very powerful you can do to stop resisting the path you set for yourself so you can honor your commitments. You owe it to yourself.
Use this to overcome your social anxiety and any other goal you have or habit you want to instill.
One at a time.
Choose to honor your path to social ease and freedom and any other success habits and commitments you really want to follow on at a time with this awareness and technique I’m going to share with you.
It’s a great time to do this with New Year’s right around the corner. Will this be the year you commit to social ease and achieve it?
Sebastiaan: Hello, this is Sebastiaan from social-anxiety-solutions.com.
I am a former social anxiety disorder sufferer and I’m a social conference coach. I’ve been a social confidence coach for ten years when I started deciding that I was one.
I’ve been coaching socially anxious clients for the past ten years and I want to talk today about honoring your commitments and the reason why I bring that up is because it’s something that I struggle with a lot and that I’ve got a pretty good handle on these days.
It is important to honor your commitments to yourself for one because it builds your self-esteem and gives you a good feeling about yourself and that is helpful socially because the better you feel about yourself, the safer you feel presenting yourself to others. And secondly it helps you achieve and accomplish things. That doesn’t have to be success in the business world if you’re not into that thing. That can be success in your personal life. Having success habits that lead to more health or more confidence or more ease.
I’d like to use the example of having a daily tapping habit which would be amazing for you to have. If every day you’re tapping for 15 minutes that’s going to be very powerful for you. Think about the change and transformation that you would make if you were to tap for 15 minutes every single day. So, that’s 365/2. Oh, my goodness am I doing this on camera? So, 182 days it’s my math. 182-183 x 15 minutes. You do the math on that. For six months. So, in six months you then have that many days that you’ve tapped every single day. That’s going to make a big difference.
What would that be like if you had that habit for a year? How would that affect your relationships, the decisions that you make, the calm that you feel on a day-to-day level? That will be huge but for a lot of people the trouble is they’re not tapping. Another problem is that you are not tapping in the right way on the right targets but that’s a different story. I’m just talking about tapping in and of itself. The habit of tapping and that’s one example. You can take another example like yoga or something. It’s also very good for you. It will also help your anxiety or meditation will also help your anxiety. They’ll help less than the tapping in my experience but they’ll also be very helpful.
Most people that want to start a habit like that including myself for a long time really struggle to do it. And they struggle with doing so for a couple of reasons. I’m going to cover those right now. Now the first reason is what I’ve talked about a lot of time. There is subconscious resistance to any new goal that we want to accomplish. When you want to do your tapping 15 minutes a day there’s some part of you that doesn’t want to do that for a reason X-Y-Z. And also, when you’re doing that everyday 15 minutes of tapping, you’re going to change and transform. So, things are going to be different from how they have been and that’s threatening to your system because your subconscious likes to keep everything the same. It likes to keep things predictable. It likes to stay in control of everything. When you actually start to make change the transformation there’s the unknown. There’s new scenarios and so there’s change, there’s resistance to any to change and then there is resistance to “Well, what if I start doing these 15 minutes of tapping every day and then I’ll have my end goal? What if there’s a problem with having that end goal?” And so on.
It’s not a video about resistance but just know that when you’re starting any new habit there’s going to be resistance to making that a habit and to doing that every day. That’s going to try to stop you in its tracks.
Now ideally what you do is you aim you’re tapping at the resistance. So, you aim you’re tapping at the resistance to doing you’re tapping. That’s right I said it. And you can do that and that’s going to be very helpful and there’s an effective way of doing that. That’s again not what this video is about. Check out one in the other videos I’m sure have one on it.
So, that’s what you can experience. You can experience resistance to doing the tapping and that’s something to keep in mind and that’s why a lot of people, it’s New Year’s and they make a New Year’s resolution. Let’s stop smoking or I’m going to lose weight or I’m going to make more money. And then day one, let’s say it’s losing weight, day one, January 1 they go to the gym and they feel good about themselves. Yeah, great.
Date January 2 rolls around they go to the gym again and they kind of like it’s already a bit more effort to go and then January 3 there’s I got my muscles are kind of sore. Yeah, I don’t think I’m going to go today. Besides I already went to gym 1 and gym 2 so I need some rest. And then gym 4 runs around and someone gives them a call and they’re like yeah, I don’t think I can make it today and then day 5 is like I’m not feeling like it, I’m a bit tired. And day 6 is like it’s gone. Your whole resolution is gone. So, when you’re experiencing resistance to a particular activity or habit or outcome that you want to have your subconscious mind doesn’t want you to achieve that particular goal because it believes it’s not safe or beneficial for you. And so, what it then does is it starts to sabotage you and that’s when you experience self-sabotage for like having excuses, things just come up, you don’t have enough time, you’re not working on the right things. Whatever. Some way, shape or form it’s not going to happen or at least your subconscious going to try to stop you from it happening.
That’s one thing, that’s one important thing that is going on that you can address and it’s very helpful and powerful to address him. In the end you need to address it anyway if you want to overcome your problem but keep in mind that that’s there and that’s something to address. Now the second thing that causes people to struggle to implement a positive tapping habit is making it too complex or doing too much. In the past, one of the problems that I would have like I have all these self-development plans, all these things that I wanted to do and I would have hours and hours worth of tapping stuff to do or other kind of inner work to do. And then I’d be like well I don’t feel like doing it today but once the weekend comes, I’ll do like three or four hours. Yeah, right. And then the weekend would come and I wouldn’t do it. And even if I would do it, it would be great, it’d be helpful. But I’ve since learned that it’s much better to do a little bit consistently and then if you want to go longer every now and then that kind of automatically happens because you’re getting into it
So, what I recommend is that you just do 15 minutes a day. If that’s too much do 10 minutes a day. If that’s too much, do 5 minutes a day. And you probably go like “Five minutes? What’s that going to do?” Five minutes is going to do enough. Enough for you to start noticing the differences in your life that it will make, small perhaps, bigger, who knows. But at least it’s going to do something and it’s going to make you feel like “Huh, okay, if I do this for five minutes every day it’s making me feel better. I wonder what would happen if I double that and I do 10 minutes a day?” And then after 10 minutes you might be, I’m going to put that to 15 minutes.
But don’t overdo it. Do something that’s doable for you that you can commit to. So, make it very simple and then commit to doing that. That’s the third reason for why people struggle. They don’t commit. They half-assing things, they’re not a 100% committed to this thing. So, what I do before I start anything new is I get myself a 100% on board with the new habit that I’m going to do. And I only pick one thing. By the way, that’s another thing. Back to the previous reason. You only pick one thing. So, don’t start tapping for 15 minutes a day and yoga for 15 minutes a day and reading for 15 minutes a day and working out for an hour a day and doing this. Pick one habit at a time.
Big, big, big important advice. Don’t do more than one.
I thought “I’m so good at this personal development stuff I don’t have to abbey to that suggestion. That’s not for me. I can do multiple habits overtime”. And you know what? I’ve tried for years and I failed for years because I would try something and then I’ll do it for a while and I’m like I’ve got the habit and then I’d go on a holiday or go somewhere else or my normal routine gets broken up and boom, it’s all gone.
Pick one thing to focus on and make that habit until it becomes so habitual that you can think of your life of not doing it. And then you commit to it. So, when I want to start a new habit, I get very clear on exactly what I’m going to do and then I clear all the resistance to it and I get very clear on the why of why I want it. And then sometimes I put a commitment in place or like accountability. Now I’m on 50 days of yoga in a row or something like that because I had to talk with my coach. I’m like I think I’m finally ready to start doing yoga. I’ve read about a bunch about it and I watched his documentary and the signs of yoga and I see that this is going to be very beneficial but I haven’t been able to do it yet. I said to my coach I’m like it starts so time-consuming. It takes an hour and a half. I have to go to the studio and blah, blah, blah. And she’s like okay, well, how about you commit to it and you do yoga every day for 20 to 30 minutes and you go to class twice a week? Why don’t commit to that for six weeks? And I had some reasons for why I couldn’t do it which is what we went over in which what we worked through and then all of a sudden, I’m like okay, we’re going to do this. I’m a 100% YES on this. And I felt a 100% YES on it.
Okay, so, that was my commitment. So, now I did that. And that means that I’m not going to sleep until I’ve done what I said I would do. There is no way that I’m not going to do what I said I would do. I had to deal and in terms of accountability I had to deal that I would email my coach every day after I had done it. So, when I lie in my bed and I’m about to close my eyes I would know “Oh, no, I haven’t done my yoga yet. Okay, I’m going to do my yoga”. One because it’s a commitment to myself and the other also like I don’t want to embarrass myself to my coach. I don’t want to be a person that doesn’t do what he says that he’s going to do. How can I ever be successful? How can I ever be having what I want and living the kind of life that I want to live if I don’t do the things that I say that I will do?
All right. By the way, this has taking me years to get to this point but I’m giving you the shortcuts. One habit, make it small, commit to it 100%.
As a result, most of the time I would plan my yoga the day before. Okay, when am I going to do it? Oh, in between this session and that session, just before football so that it’s out of the way. But I’ve had at least four or five times that I had forgotten to do it because I was excited and busy and I spontaneously went out for a night dancing and then I came home at 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning and I’m like “Oh, sh*t, I’m still going to do my yoga”. And then after hours of dancing in a whole day at 2:30 or 3:00 o’clock in the morning while I was dead tired, I would do my half an hour of yoga. And I didn’t really like it that I was going to do it but once I sat on the mat, I’m like “Okay, good, I’m keeping my commitments. This feels good to me”. And I would lose out on sleep and it happened a couple of times and I’m like man, I really have to plan better because I know I’m going to do it no matter what so I might as well plan this properly so I don’t have to suffer so much.
Now I’m planning it better. Not always great. Sometimes I still kind of forget it but then it’s like “Oh, man, I’m almost going to bed. I haven’t done my yoga yet”. Well, guess what? We’re going to do it right now. No excuses, no exceptions, no matter what 100%. You keep yourself to your commitment to yourself. That’s starting to build up a lot of trust in yourself and in your ability to do it. And the more you do this, the better you get at that particular habit and also the more you do this, the more trust you get into “Hey, I say things and I do things and I make them happen”. That gives you a real confidence in yourself. Applying this to a powerful habit like daily tapping that’s really going to make a difference for you.
So, that was my video on honoring your commitments. I hope this has been helpful for you and I hope you learn more of your commitments because it’s really going to help you in life. Not just with the tapping habit and that tapping habit it’s also going to help you in life.
Then on this positive, uplifting, exciting note I’ll end the video. So, thank you very much. I appreciate you being here. Subscribe if you haven’t yet and I will connect to you next week at some point because this is the Thursday video so see testimonials Tuesday’s in a couple of days and then every Thursday there’s a video like this.
So, if you have any questions, any feedback let me know in the comments below and I will answer them. All right, bye for now.