FULL TRANSCRIPTION

Am I wrong in thinking that social anxiety is your biggest enemy?

For most people, social anxiety is not only their biggest secret — it’s also their biggest enemy.

And it makes a lot of sense because if you’re experiencing something so limiting, causes so much suffering, and it’s so debilitating, why wouldn’t you be at war with it?

And that frustration and anger at the problem, it’s fuel to do something about it, right?

Well, yes.

Some frustration and anger towards the problem can definitely initiate action towards overcoming it.

But if you’re already aware of the problem, and you’re already doing your best to overcome it, are this frustration and anxiety still that helpful? Or is it just another layer added to the already existing problem?

Unfortunately, it’s the latter.

Ongoing frustration and anger just fuels the anxiety flame.

And when anxiety gets triggered, it stays around for longer.

And of course, it massively adds to your suffering.

Now, I experienced this myself, whenever the anxiety would get triggered, I’d get furious.

“What hell’s this happening to me? Why are others having such a good time and I felt so out of control?”

I also felt hopeless, and helpless. And I was afraid that I would have to live with this anxiety for the rest of my life.

Can you relate to somebody’s feelings?

If so, put it in the comment section below because you’ll see that you’re not the only one who’s experiencing these feelings. This is a very common experience for people with social anxiety.

Okay…little warning:

The following that I’m about to share is something that you might not like hearing, something that might upset you, and it might even get you to think ‘this guy’s an asshole’, or, ‘he doesn’t understand the degree of my suffering’.

Or you’ll love it, and you’ll feel very empowered.

This mindset has empowered me tremendously.

And I still use this frame of mind or this perspective with any big problem that I face in life.

So at the risk of setting you, here we go.

• What if social anxiety is this curse that you’re doomed to live with for the rest of your life?
• What if it isn’t this genetic misfortune that’s ruining your life?
• What if what you think social anxiety is isn’t what it is?

See, social anxiety is absolutely a debilitating, limiting, and painful, difficult problem to deal with.

But the way we think about it determines whether we surrender and give up and live lives of quiet desperation…

…or whether we see it as a challenge to face, own up to, and take action to overcome?

Now, if you see social anxiety as this mental illness that you’re dealing with, that you can’t overcome? How do you feel?

Right?

You feel horrible.

“Why me?”

You feel you’re dealt a really bad hand and that life is really unfair, and that you’re at the mercy of your unfortunate circumstances.

But what have you started seeing social anxiety as a challenge that life is giving you?

And that by working through this challenge, there are huge rewards on the other side.

I mean, that’s the truth.

Social anxiety is actually a challenge that you can overcome.

I’ve done it. You can go to my YouTube channel and find lots of video testimonials of clients who’ve done it, you can go to my podcast and you’ll hear psychotherapists and Ph.D. researchers rave about the amazing results that are being created when you use tapping for anxiety.

So it can be overcome.

And the results that you accomplish as a result of getting rid of the anxiety, which is just a symptom of the deeper underlying problem are profound.

The freedom. The inner liberation. The inner joy. The resilience that you get, as a result of this, is worth it.

Would you be willing to consider the possibility that social anxiety is actually happening for you?

See, people tell me things like:

• “I’d love to travel the world. But I can’t go because of my social anxiety”
• “I’d love to get into a relationship and start or start dating. But there’s no way I can do that because of my social anxiety”
• “I’d love to get a promotion at work. But that’s not possible because of my social anxiety.”

Now, of course, there’s a lot of truth in what they’re saying.

And in some cases, it would even be a bad idea to go for these things because it’s way too far outside their comfort zone.

But still, that attitude of I can’t and because of my social anxiety — will that lead to you living your dreams?

Or will that lead to you just giving up before he even started?

Now to be clear, what I’m not suggesting here is that you forcefully face your fears, push through them, and all that kind of stuff. And that you do things that are way too far outside your comfort zone.

What I’m inviting you to consider is to see social anxiety as a challenge that is happening for you.

And that when you take that challenge is going to lead to you evolving and growing yourself into a more happy, more empowered, more resilient version of yourself.

And by having that perspective towards social anxiety, you’re then going to take action on the predominantly internal journey to go from social anxiety to social confidence.

See, here’s my experience, both personally, receiving a lot of sessions overcoming my social anxiety, and giving a lot of sessions (I logged over 5000 coaching hours) solely to people with social anxiety.

Every single time anxiety gets triggered, there’s an opportunity for growth.

For example, about four years ago, I started social dancing, I started salsa dancing.

I took a couple of lessons. And eventually, you then go to an event where people are actually dancing, right? And so I felt anxious when I got there.

I was having thoughts like, “Okay, the girls don’t want to dance with me, I’m awkward, people are looking at me being awkward, I look bad, these guys look cool.”

And so I was having all of these negative emotions, and negative thoughts.

Now, this was not to be honest, excessive, because I wasn’t dealing with social anxiety in my life already anymore. So this was just a new challenge.

But still, I was experiencing anxiety.

And so, I could have said, “I want to dance salsa, because I see all of the benefits, meeting great people, meeting attractive women, being part of a worldwide community, doing something fun every night, and so on. But I can’t because of social anxiety.”

But I didn’t do that.

Because I instead saw it as, “Hey, this is another opportunity for growth, some anxiety’s being triggered!”

So not only am I going to get all of the benefits if I overcome this but there’s also internal growth, that’s going to happen.

Because clearly, there is some old trauma or some old dis-empowered ways of seeing the world that is still happening here because I’m experiencing anxiety. And that’s not helpful.

And so, I can work through this. And then afterward, I’ll live a more liberated life, I’ll have more joy, I’ll have all of these benefits.

And so, let’s go for it! Let’s take on this challenge.

Now, of course, I didn’t like the anxiety. But I have worked through so much of it in the past already that I knew, “Okay, this is just going to be a temporary thing.”

And so, it was and I worked through it, and it didn’t take long.

And within a few weeks, I was comfortable on the dance floor. Even though I looked like a complete dork.

And as a result of that, I would just go social dancing all the time. And it takes a lot of practice to get better at it.

And now, it’s been a long time since my life has been completely transformed as a result of it.

I gave up drinking, like a decade ago or something. And I never really had a good replacement for it in the evenings, especially on the weekend (I wasn’t drinking every day, but on the weekends, like what am I going to do on the weekend if I don’t drink?)

And now it’s dancing. I go to these festivals all over the world, and met my girlfriend on the dance floor.

So it has all of these benefits.

And these benefits likely wouldn’t have been there in my life if I didn’t see the anxiety as a challenge.

And I didn’t move forward, and I didn’t lean into it and take the opportunity for growth.

See, social anxiety is either a curse, or it is a challenge that you can take on to evolve yourself to the next level of confidence, emotional maturity, joy, liberation, and all the benefits that come with that.

So how are you choosing to see it?

When you see the anxiety that gets triggered as a challenge to do your inner work and to heal the emotional wounds and the limiting beliefs and negative fantasies that get activated by it, social anxiety becomes a lot more bearable.

And while you of course never love it, because it’s so painful and debilitating and limiting.

Seeing it from this perspective, and it is also a truthful perspective – It’s going to soften that frustration, anger, helplessness, and hopelessness.

Instead, it’s going to help you feel more empowered and take action towards living the life of your dreams.

So, what is it going to be?

Is social anxiety a curse?

Or is it a challenge?

The choice is yours.

If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!

SEND ME THE 7 SECRETS TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE!

• Author
• Recent Posts

Join me

Sebastiaan

Sebastiaan van der Schrier is a Social Confidence Coach and ex social anxiety sufferer. He helps socially anxious people become confident using a unique and painless approach. He is the host of the Social Anxiety Solutions podcast show and runs the first ever online Social Confidence Community.

Join me

Latest posts by Sebastiaan (see all)

• How To Stop Worrying - January 17, 2024
• How to Reduce Facial Blushing with EFT Tapping? - June 29, 2023
• Are You Scared to Get Anxious? Here’s how to fix it! - June 16, 2023