SUMMARY
Do you have an upcoming date and are now feeling anxious?
Do you want to feel confident before you go out?
In this episode, Sebastiaan will be giving you 3 mindsets to help you reduce your anxiety in your upcoming date.
Enjoy!
FULL TRANSCRIPTION
“Think about your upcoming date. And then, rate on a scale of 0 to 10 how much anxiety you feel thinking about it.”, that’s what I said to Brenda.
And Brenda replied to me:
“Well Seb, I’ve been doing some tapping on it myself already because the date is tonight, but my anxiety is still about a 6 out of 10.”
I said: “Great! We’ve got 30 minutes for our laser focus breakthrough session. Let’s see what we can do.”
I then proceeded to mix the best of Traditional Psychology with Energy Psychology to help Brenda feel calm and at ease about her date.
And in our short session, we talked about 3 particular mindsets that helped in reducing Social Anxiety.
Want to hear them? Let’s go!
So I asked Brenda, what happened when she thought of the date and she said, “Well, I’m afraid there are going to be these awkward silences. And it’s going to be uncomfortable.”
And I replied, and what I replied is the 1st mindset.
#1. Make awkwardness and silences OK.
Whenever you’re meeting someone new, or pretty much in all just conversations, there are going to be silences. And there are also going to be awkward moments.
When you step too close or you go for the door and they go through the door at the same time or they say something you interrupt – whatever, that is normal.
That is actually a normal part of the conversation. They’re fine.
And so since it’s normal, and since it happens to everyone dealing with Social Anxiety or not dealing with Social Anxiety, you want to make that OK.
And if you in your mind have this big thing about awkwardness and you’re trying to avoid it at all cost, that’s a problem. That’s a trigger for anxiety.
You see, people dealing with Social Anxiety often are really freaked out about awkwardness and blame themselves for it and feel this tremendous pressure to fill up the silence.
And I know because I can relate, I had the same experience. And it’s very, very uncomfortable and also unfair because it’s not just your responsibility to deal with the silence and it’s also normal.
And so what we did with Brenda, is we used the tapping to get her subconscious to unlink the association of threat and danger to awkwardness.
And as a result, she felt a lot calmer.
I asked Brenda how she was feeling now. And she said, “Well, I feel more relaxed. But you know, I just hope that he likes me.”
And I said, “Well, he might or he might not, you don’t know. But since he asked you out, it’s likely that he does.”
And she said, “Well, but what if we meet up and he actually ends up not liking the real me?”
I told her that that could indeed happen. There’s only one way to find out.
But if she truly liked, valued, appreciated, and respected herself on all levels, then she would automatically assume and anticipate that he would do the same.
And since she was worried about it, that was an indication that she wasn’t completely OK with herself. And so I said to her exactly that.
She said, “Well, I do think I like myself.”
I’m like, “Sure you do. Well, great, but just rate the following statement: ‘I don’t like myself.'”
And so she rated and she’s like, “Well, actually, that’s quite high. It’s an 8.”
I’m like, “Yeah, isn’t that interesting?”
She’s like, “Yeah, because I’m thinking about moments that I feel uncomfortable or embarrassed or I can’t be myself or I feel insecure. And I really, really don’t like that about myself.”
And I said, “That’s exactly the problem.”
I told her that this lack of self-acceptance is the next thing that we need to tap on. And it’s also the 2nd mindset.
#2. Truly like and value yourself.
You want to see yourself as worthy and deserving of what it is that you’re looking for. And to the degree that you don’t is the degree to which you feel insecure.
And when you don’t feel secure expressing your true self, this can also trigger Social Anxiety.
Brenda and I then used Intention Tapping – which is an advanced, new, special form of tapping that significantly speeds up results.
And soon, Brenda no longer felt that she disliked herself and she was feeling worthy.
Now her vibe had now significantly changed already.
“How do you feel now about the date?”, I asked her.
And she said, “Pretty OK, actually.”
I’m like, “Good!”
“So what is it that you’re looking for?”, I asked her.
She’s like, “Well, I’m not exactly sure.”
And I said, “Well, it might help you to have some standards.”
When I go on a date, there are a couple of things that are definitely deal-breakers.
If a woman smokes, or if she doesn’t like kids, or if she’s just a mean person, doesn’t matter how attractive I find her – that’s a NO.
And there are particular characteristics that I am looking for:
Does she have a sense of humor?
Is she intelligent?
Is she kind?
Does she laugh at my jokes?
… those kinds of things because I’m looking for bringing something of quality into my life.
And I value myself, I appreciate myself. And so I want the woman that comes into my life to add to that, not to make it worse, right?
So I’m scouting, I have particular standards that I’m looking for.
And that’s actually the 3rd mindset.
#3. Have real standards for what you want and don’t want.
Because when you have these standards, you’re not constantly asking, “Does he like me? Does he like me?”
Now instead, you have something that you’re looking for. So then you’re also going in your minds like, “Do I like him? Do I like this guy?” And that’s very helpful. That’s very empowering.
And then Brenda said, “Well, I do know what I’m looking for now. I’m just looking for a guy who just really likes me for who I am so I can just be myself.” And what an awesome statement.
And at the end of the 30 minutes, Brenda no longer felt any anxiety about the upcoming date, she felt calm about it and was actually looking forward to it.
And that ladies and gentlemen, is the power of combining traditional therapy approaches with Energy Psychology.
Now, if you’ve got an upcoming date that you feel anxiety about, typically, one of the fears that you might have is like, “What if I’m going to get anxious, or what if they’re going to see me anxious.”
And in other words, the relationship that you have with anxiety is leading to even more anxiety.
I have a powerful video about that for many years back, but it still works.
So go and check out this video – Fight Your Social Anxiety By Accepting It Using “EFT” Tapping and follow along with the tapping exercise that I guide you in there.
And you’re going to reduce that anxiety for you. Okay? So go check that out.
Talk to you very soon. Bye for now!
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
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