SUMMARY
There are moments when we struggle to continue our Journey To Social Ease.
We feel tired.
We feel like giving up.
We feel like we don’t want to continue it anymore.
But, there are things that you CAN do when this happens on your #JourneyToSocialEase
Watch, relate, and tap-along!
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FULL TRANSCRIPTION
Hello, this is Sebastiaan from Social Anxiety Solutions. Today I’m going to talk about The Social Confidence Journey. And, in particular, I’m going to be addressing what to do when you’ve fallen off the wagon. When you don’t find yourself on the journey anymore when you’re not doing any of your inner work when you’re forgetting to tap when you’re too tired when you don’t want to do it all anymore when you feel like throwing in the towel and giving up. That’s what I’m going to talk about.
I’m first going to give you a bit of perspective. Then, we’re going to do a little tap along and then I’ll give you 2 simple strategies.
Let’s start with the perspective. Falling off the wagon on the journey from Social Anxiety to Social Ease. THAT IS A DIFFICULT JOURNEY. It’s tough, it’s challenging, and it’s especially challenging in the beginning. It’s hard to build up momentum. It’s challenging to do that. And, there are setbacks along the way. And sometimes, these setbacks are really, really hard.
I can remember getting triggered, and getting triggered really, really bad to the point where I couldn’t really speak anymore. And, still being in that social situation, and not being able to escape it was too socially inappropriate. It just simply wasn’t possible to leave. But it was very clear that my state was very different than what it was before. Because before I was able to be myself, in the moment, present, joking around, having fun, and now I got triggered and I was just silent. It was like 1-word answers and kind of frozen in place. Extremely uncomfortable also because I kind of had to sit out to the social situation. I usually can actually excuse myself. But the circumstances didn’t make it possible in this scenario. And it was really, really hard. After the social situation was over, I still didn’t feel great. And that’s a massive understatement – “I still felt completely like shit”. But a little bit less so because the torture was over. But now I was dealing with all of the aftermath of the feelings that I had experienced. Then, I thought to myself, “Wow, I’m so happy that I’ve got these mindsets and that I understand what’s going on. And that I’m actually doing this work, because I’m doing what I’m doing because I had to do that.”
I was so messed up, it was in my head, my mind and emotional state on a day to day basis was such an up and down mess that I rolled into this automatically. Though sometimes I meet friends that are into business and they’re like, “Wow, you really picked a good audience”. I’m like “No, I didn’t pick it. This is just what I had to do”.
Anyway, so it can be really, really tough. And therefore, having the right mindset and the right understanding of what’s going on is very important.
So, when you’re having a setback, or when you fall off the wagon, when you’re not doing the inner work, there are typically two things going on.
- You’re having resistance to the outcome, or resistance to letting go of where you’re at, or resistance to the journey. There’s pain associated with the journey.
There’s some kind of resistance. Subconscious resistance to change. Therefore, you’re experiencing that you don’t want to do it, you’re tired, you’re lazy, you’re not feeling like it, etc. That’s number one.
2. It now feels like it’s too hard. And it won’t work anyway.
Those kinds of thoughts and that kind of thinking shows up, and that causes you to kind of “fall on the wagon”. But you’re actually not falling off the wagon. You’re still holding on, you still have that desire, you still want to get rid of the problem.
So, in particular, I’m talking to James and Victoria. Hi, James. Hi, Victoria. Right now, who recently mentioned at my Social Confidence Club, that they feel like they fall off the wagon and they’re struggling, they’re not doing any inner work. What you want to do at that moment is:
- Tap along with the following tap along
- Do the strategies that I’ll outline after the little tap along.
But for now, we’re going to do a little tap along that’s going to address that resistance and the idea that it’s so hard. Well, on the one hand, that is true that it is hard, and it’s challenging, it’s tough. But on the other hand, it’s temporary. And it doesn’t stay like that the whole time. And it gets easier as you get along. And at the end it’s glorious. So, it’s worth it. This pain is worth your effort, okay? And not taking any extra is not going to make them better. So, there you go.
So, tapping in the side of your hand. Just repeat it for me out loud.
Even though I feel I’ve fallen off the wagon. And I don’t want to do this inner work anymore.
I’m so sick and tired of this problem.
It’s too hard. It’s too tough. And I can’t do it. It’s too much for me.
It is such a struggle.
And there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to let go of the struggle for whatever reason.
And I want to try
To accept all of my feelings anyway.
Good. Tapping at the beginning of the eyebrows.
I’ve fallen off the wagon.
Side of the eyes.
I’m not on a journey anymore.
Under the eyes.
I’m not doing this stupid tapping anymore.
Under the nose.
I’m done with it all.
Chin.
I don’t want to do any more of it.
Collarbone.
I’ve had it
Under the arm.
It won’t work for me anyway.
Liver point.
I’m close to giving up.
Wrist point.
What’s the use anyway?
Top of the head.
I refuse to take more action.
Beginning of the eyebrows.
I’m just going to do nothing.
Side of the eyes.
I’m just going to continue my life feeling anxious socially.
Under the eyes.
There’s nothing I can do about it.
Under the nose.
I am struggling.
Chin.
I recognize that I’m struggling.
Collarbone.
And I also recognize the fact
Under the arms.
That there are certain things I can do
Liver point.
Which will reduce this struggle.
Wrist point.
But there might be a possibility
Top of the head.
That some part of me doesn’t want to let go of this struggle.
Beginning of the eyebrows.
And I release all my emotional attachments
To my resistance
To letting go of this struggle right now.
Side of the eyes.
I don’t want to do anything
Under the eyes.
But I do want to feel better.
Under the nose.
Certain things helped me feel better.
Chin.
I don’t have to do it all at once.
Collarbone.
Yes, I do.
Under the arms.
No, I don’t.
Liver point.
I can take small tiny steps.
Wrist point.
And commit to a process.
Top of the head.
Because a lot of bits of little results
are a lot of progress over time.
Deep breath…Check-in how you feel.
You might want to repeat that if you feel like it.
Then, the last two tips I’m going to give you are: Sometimes you’re not going to feel like doing your tapping. Just do it anyway. Just do it anyway. And in order to just do it anyway, do the following: Commit to doing a bare minimum. That bare minimum might just be five minutes a day. Five minutes a day focusing on my feelings and allowing my feelings to be there. Noticing what happens, noticing my thoughts, noticing my feelings. Just five minutes, take your phone, set a timer, press it for five minutes. That’s your most important task to complete. And you’re not going to go to sleep until you’ve done it. If you lie in your bed at night and you haven’t done it – ok, great! You know that you don’t give yourself permission to sleep until you’ve done that. So, go to the toilet, take your phone with you put the timer on, and for five minutes, tap. That’s the bare minimum.
Another thing you could possibly do for a bare minimum is, if you have one of the tap along series or one of the live webinars, tap for 15 minutes. And again, set an alarm after 15 minutes, goal accomplished. Pat yourself on the back. Good job. You’re done for today.
All right. And that’s of course aside from your daily tapping, which you’ve linked to your habits the things that you’re already doing. Make it super simple for yourself. Commit to doing it and know that it’s normal to fall off the wagon, just get back on the wagon.
Hope this is helpful. This is Sebastiaan from Social Anxiety Solutions and I’ll connect with you next week again. Bye for now.
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