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And it taught various techniques on starting conversations with women.
That was fascinating at the time.
As a side note, I’m by no means a pick up artist, or dating coach.
See, confidence is an inside job.
It doesn’t come from being good at acting a certain way.
Or being good at rehearsing stories or clever jokes. Or even from being super social.
True social confidence is EFFORTLESS.
And the step-by-step approach to social confidence I teach works.
For male or female.
No matter how bad your social anxiety is or how long you have suffered.
It comes from total acceptance.
From feeling safe to be yourself.
From being “natural”.
I teach people how to get (back) to that place.
Anyway – the program taught me something profound…
… it was a massive light-bulb moment at the time.
It taught me that the reason for my anxiety was my negative limiting beliefs.
Now – a belief is nothing more than a thought that feels real.
Some examples of negative limiting beliefs:
And some positive, supportive beliefs:
Now -, having positive beliefs makes you feel a lot more confident socially than negative limiting beliefs (obviously).
But there’s more to understanding how to become anxiety-free.
I’ll get to that later.
In the self-help program I mentioned earlier, I was instructed to uncover my negative limiting beliefs.
To choose new positive supportive beliefs.
To program my mind to believe them.
And then to go face my fears and find evidence to support those positive beliefs.
Easier said than done, right?
See – the techniques to program my mind didn’t really work for me.
It was a combination of affirmations, change your thoughts, visualization, goal setting, journaling, hypnosis and some Neuro-Linguistic Programming.
Powerful techniques, but they had little impact on me.
Later, I found a technique which puts those technique on steroids (but we’ll get to that a minute).
Anyway, I did what I could with the resources I had.
At the time, I made a decision to do it.
even if it took 10 years.
So off I went.. to face my fears.
I was afraid of getting rejected.
I was afraid of becoming embarrassed.
I was afraid of them seeing right through me… that I was an imposter.
And more than that, I feared that OTHERS WOULD SEE IT!
I was a virgin. I felt like a boy, not like a man.
I faked my confidence.
And I feared getting rejected by girls more than anything.
I feared that everyone would find out what a loser I was with women.
And that deep down I was actually this insecure guy.
Since that was my biggest fear I decided to focus on conquering that one.
But talking to girls was inconceivably painful and scary to me.
My first few drunk attempts in a club gave me the usual painful rejections.
I tried what I learned in the dating programs with minimal success.
Actually, minimal success is exaggerating.
“Total failure” would be more accurate.
I got myself into awkward situations.
Got laughed at.
Had people pitty me…
Got a head turn when trying to kiss a girl I thought liked me.
And more awfulness.
Even though I was drunk, it still sucked big time.
Apparently you need confidence to be successful.
And liquid confidence turns out not to be all that attractive to women.
Eventually, I decided to hire a dating coach.
Because what they promised sounded brilliant.
I’d be a superstar after a weekend of talking to girls.
So I paid a ton of money to fly over to this “guru”.
He was going to help me talk to girls.
Probably one of the most awkward and uncomfortable weekends of my life.
I started with saying hi to strangers. No problem.
Next, I said hi and asked for directions. No problem.
Then, Hi and introducing myself.
And then we stepped it up a notch…