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Is there a part of you that wants to be free of Social Anxiety?
Is there a part of you that DOES NOT WANT you to be free of your social anxiety?
Then this video is for you.
In this video, I will be explaining the role of your subconscious mind to your resistance to change and how you can address it using EFT.
Watch, learn about the subconscious resistance, and tap – along!
PS: Tune in next Thursday as I will be giving a more detailed answer to the question “Why do people get temporary results while doing tapping?”
If you want to hear the full interview that I did with Lindsay Kenny, go here.
Want to learn more about EFT? I will be running my 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge on January 1, 2021. Join now! Go to bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge
There is a part of you that wants to be free of social anxiety.
And what if there’s a part of you that does NOT want you to be free of your social anxiety?
That is sabotaging the other part that does want to be free of your social anxiety.
That is something that is very, very common. In fact, that’s pretty much happening for all people with social anxiety. I dare say, after overcoming my own social anxiety and coaching socially anxious clients for over 10 years, that’s been my observation.
Today, I’m going to talk about what that part is – that doesn’t want you to be free of social anxiety, and how you can address it using EFT tapping in order to align both parts of you so that all parts of you are a YES to social ease.
Hi, my name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier, I’m a former Social Anxiety Disorder sufferer, and Social Confidence Coach. I help people through combining Traditional Psychology with Eastern Energy Psychology to overcome their social anxiety, and to feel free and at ease and social situations. So you can connect effortlessly, have a good time, say whatever comes to mind. Don’t take yourself too damn seriously, and just have a jolly good time and bond with others.
I got a little comment under one of the YouTube videos. I’ve got a long list of upcoming YouTube videos. But this one happened to be quite easy for me to answer and I’m kind of short on time. So hey, thank you for your question. And I’m going to answer it right away because it was just posted like a day ago.
MillHouse3000. Thanks for your question. He writes: “Hi Seb, thank you so much for what you do. Can you do a video of general resistance protocol and unique resistance?”
Yes, I can. I’m doing it right now.
Let me just explain and put a bit of context around things.
I started learning about EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) – this technique that I use to rapidly reduce negative emotions and shift limiting beliefs. Like I’m not good enough, something wrong with me, people don’t like me, etc. And beliefs like shame, insecurity, anxiety, fear, you name it. I started using that technique in 2006 or 2007 (probably 2006); started experimenting with it myself, learning about it, got sessions with it, and eventually got training in 2009. October (of the same year) I started coaching people.
In the beginning, my strategy was just okay, use the tapping on painful memories. And that was pretty much it. Because that was my main training. That was the most important thing to do. And it is very important to do.
However, I found that my clients, the few clients that I did happen to have a full schedule. They weren’t making that profound changes that I would expect them to make. And they kept falling back, and so on. I didn’t understand.
And in next week’s video, I’m going to go into more detail as to why people don’t get consistent results, why don’t get temporary results with tapping?
Because there’s a solution for it, which I’ll get into next week. But that’s next week.
Today. I’m talking about this.
I was struggling in my first years of coaching. I think it was…I forgot all the timelines of this, but I think maybe after a year, I discovered the work of EFT Master – Lindsey Kenney. Who’s since become a good friend. I’ve taken all our training, got supervision from her, got coaching from her. She’s amazing. Her stuff is amazing, highly recommended. I think it’s probably www.eft.com or www.lifecoachingwithlindsay.com something like that.
But I decided to get a supervision session with her because I liked her work so much. And then in supervision, she mostly talked with me about SUBCONSCIOUS RESISTANCE TO CHANGE. I’ve since read a ton more about that, studied other people, applied it myself, and so on.
But the foundational understanding came from my work with her. So, she’s the front runner of all this talk about subconscious resistance.
What is subconscious resistance?
That is your subconscious mind which is the more powerful part of your mind, that’s in charge most of the time. Specialists say that the subconscious is in charge 90 – 95% of the time and for the rest, only about 5% you’re consciously in charge.
So, your subconscious is in charge of your breathing, your digestion, it remembers everything you’ve ever experienced: every sound, smell, taste, sensation, all of it from even before you were born.
If you drive your car, you’ve been driving a car for a while you show up somewhere, and you’re like, you haven’t been conscious of driving all the time, that’s all your subconscious mind, effortlessly executing what you consciously put into your subconscious mind.
When you start driving a car, you need to be conscious of everything. First, turn the car on, now put it in gear, I don’t drive a car. I don’t know exactly how to do it. But step by step you look in your side mirrors, let the clutch come up slowly, hit the gas, etc.
And so, you have to be conscious of that very much so until it becomes automatic.
And once something is automatic, it goes into the subconscious.
At 60 to 80,000 thoughts that you’re having a day, most of them are subconscious.
Your subconscious is pretty much running the show of your life. It’s in charge most of the time unless you deliberately interrupt it.
Right now, my subconscious isn’t running the show, it’s a little bit running the show because it’s feeding me a lot of the information that I’m sharing with you. But I’m also being very conscious about what I’m saying right now. And then I’m connecting with you in this video. Maybe it’s a bit creepy, who knows.
But what I’m sharing is the subconscious mind is very, very powerful. And your subconscious mind has a prime directive, the main task – SURVIVAL.
Making sure that you survive, making sure that you stay safe. And when it believes, it’s not really an entity of its own, but it’s more like a tape recorder. It records your experience, it ascribes value to how important those experiences are. And it learns through experiences, learns through repetition, and learns through significant experiences. And it makes assumptions split moment decisions about how the world works, and what your places in it, it creates beliefs about people, about the world, how it’ll work. So, you get this map of the world, in your subconscious.
And that’s what you operate from.
That’s your solid foundation, or not so solid foundation. But that’s at least the foundation that you operate from.
If the subconscious is based upon all of your experiences, all but it “knows”, basically all that it has interpreted either correctly or falsely, things that a particular outcome isn’t safe for you, it’s going to sabotage your conscious efforts to get in there.
So if your subconscious mind believes that social ease, which is basically just being yourself, isn’t safe for you, it’s going to make sure that you don’t do any activities that get you to that outcome of social ease.
Does that make sense?
Because think about it. Basically, if I’m going to have social ease, it’s going to be more painful than when I have social anxiety.
If I have social ease, for example, if the subconscious assumes that if I have social ease, then I’ll be rejected more. Okay, that’s more painful than staying where I’m at. So I’m not going to go there.
If social ease means, there will be more pressure on me to perform. And I can’t handle that, I’m going to face rejection and ridicule and so on, that’s more painful, that’s not safe, you’re not going to go there. So then it’s going to sabotage your conscious efforts to getting there.
Then it’s going to make you procrastinate, get you tired when it’s about time to do some tapping, for example, it’s going to have you work on the wrong things, it’s going to give you blurry thoughts, inability to focus, come up with lots of excuses.
All of that are signs of the subconscious mind exercising its resistance to try to protect you from getting to that outcome that it “knows” is not safe for you.
That’s what’s typically going on, and that I would consider or that I have named THE GENERAL RESISTANCE TO CHANGE or maybe Lindsay named it that and I just mouth it after her. That’s possible too. I don’t know. But that’s a general resistance to change.
That doesn’t just show up in social anxiety, that shows up with any kind of goal.
My little brother phoned me the other day, and he’s like, “I’m getting into e-commerce, my friends helping me and blah, blah”, I’m like, “Wow, that’s cool, good for you!”. He’s starting up his own little business. And I’m like, “I’ll help you wherever I can”.
And you’re going to need help because 80% of successes is your psychology. So as you start building up that e-commerce business, thoughts are going to come up like, “Am I good enough for this?”, “Do I deserve to be successful?” “What if I fail, what’s going to happen?”
Basically, if my brother’s subconscious mind believes that the outcome that he’s after, even though it’s great, right? Freedom, more money, being able to work from anywhere, those kinds of things. That’s what he’s wanting, that’s what his conscious mind is wanting. But if his subconscious mind is like, “Look, if you’re going to do that, it’s going to fail, you’re going to lose your job, you’re not going to have stability, that’s dangerous, we’re going to sabotage you”, then he won’t be able to finish the course that he’s doing in order to get there, then he’ll feel tired, he’ll lose his motivation, his mind starts thinking “Uhm, it’s not that important anyway, plus, I have a secure job right now, what was I thinking? I’m not the kind of person who does these kinds of things, etc. “
So his subconscious mind will then sabotage his conscious efforts in order to be successful in e-commerce.
That’s why most people fail at most things (i.e., setting up a business, losing weight, getting into super shape, whatever it is, eating a particular diet, etc.)
So that subconscious resistance is very common. It’s why most people fail at things and is a very prominent thing when you’re trying to overcome your social anxiety.
I’m running the social confidence club, we’ve been running it for seven months now. It’s closed for registration, but it runs for roughly a year. And a lot of our time we’re spending on the fact that there is resistance, that it’s an ongoing thing that it comes in that we can clear it, but it comes back and we clear it and we come back and we clear it. And it’s something we spend a significant amount of time on because it’s really important to address because as long as your subconscious, that is in charge 90% of the time is a NO to change. You’re not going to get where you want to be, or at least it’s going to take a lot longer, and are easy ways to address that general resistance to change.
So what I’m going to do is I’m first going to guide you through a simple tapping protocol to clear the general resistance to change.
Now, I want to be very clear about this. This is the general subconscious resistance to change that we’re clearing, we’re not clearing the actual problem of social anxiety, we’re getting rid of the impediment to clearing your social anxiety, we’re getting rid of the obstacle that allows you to work on your social anxiety.
So if you imagine your social anxiety to be like this, there’s a wall around it, which is like subconscious resistance to change. And we can’t reach the actual problem, because there’s a wall around the actual problem of your social anxiety. So with this, we’re just addressing the subconscious resistance to change. And sometimes that already gives you a bit of a shift. If that is the case for you, please let me know in the comment section.
Anyway. Here we go. It’s really simple, just follow along with me,
tap on the side of your hand. Repeat after me out loud.
Well, you know what you might first actually think about your social anxiety.
Take some time to do that right now.
Think about how it limits you, think about how frustrating it is, how you were limited in what you want to do, how much it consumes your thinking, how frustrating it is, how strongly you really want to overcome it, how much you miss out in social ease that you see other people have, etc.
And then, sometimes that helps you actually to be like, ah, I want to do something about it. And that’s using your willpower that’s making the conscious desire stronger, you can do that. But then there’s still this subconscious part that’s a NO to making that change.
So we’re gonna address that subconscious part.
So following up to me out loud, here we go,
Even though I have this social anxiety problem,
and it sucks,
I’m very limited,
Can’t be myself.
And it’s a real struggle.
There’s a part of me that doesn’t want to let go of it.
And I want to try to accept myself and my feelings anyway.
At some point, perhaps,
even though I have this social anxiety problem,
and it’s really difficult.
And I know it doesn’t serve me, I know that logically.
But there’s a part of me that doesn’t feel safe, letting it go.
Maybe I don’t deserve to let it go.
Maybe I’m not worthy of social ease.
Maybe I’ll lose my identity if I let go of this problem.
It’s not safe to be socially at ease.
I refuse to be socially at ease.
I don’t want to try to accept myself anyway.
Even though my social anxiety
really, really sucks.
Part of me does not want to let go of it for whatever reason.
And I release all my resistances
to letting go of my social anxiety, and being socially at ease,
Good, take a deep breath.
Now, maybe this already created a shift for you, it’s definitely possible.
But it’s not the case for everyone.
But for more than 85% of the people that do this general resistance protocol, they release the resistance, they release the NO to change of the subconscious. And they now have subconscious and conscious alignment.
There’s like a YES to social ease. And so there’s no restriction anymore. And now you can actually work on the actual problems, the wall around the problem has been released.
Now, what I found that is that that general resistance as you start making changes, as you start working on the actual problem, and life happens, and so on, that general resistance to change can come back, in which case you come back to this video, simply do that exercise again.
So that’s the general resistance protocol.
Now Millhouse also asked about, well, what about unique resistance?
Well, I’m not going to go into too much detail about that. But like I said, with the general resistance protocol, you address the general subconscious resistance to change. But sometimes the subconscious has a specific reason for why your outcome of social ease is not safe.
For example, if I am socially at ease, then X will happen that is dangerous.
So if I am socially at ease, then this friend of mine will get really jealous of me and will start sabotaging me, or then I’ll have to start dating, or then I won’t have an excuse anymore for things not working in my life. And that’s painful, and I have to face the music of my actual life or whatever it is, there’s some unique reason for why that outcome of social ease isn’t safe.
And so, a way to uncover that is to ask, what’s the downside of social ease? What’s the downside of letting go of my social anxiety?
And that’s a very particular question that gets you a very specific outcome, but your initial reaction might be “there is no downside. What are you talking about?”
You can flip the question on its head, what’s the upside this thing, socially anxious?
Give that thought.
Think about it, it’s important. And then whatever the answer is that becomes your tappable target. You aim your tapping at that, and you take away the threat associated with the outcome of social ease.
Now how to do that. That’s all beyond the scope of this video, but this is to give you a bit of an overview.
Hope that’s helpful to check out my interview with Lindsay Kenny, go here.
And make sure you check out my video next week where I talk about why people get temporary results with tapping and they can’t seem to overcome their social anxiety, and so on. This was a good primer for that.
So, thanks for tuning in. Thanks for your question. And I’ll connect with you again next week.
Bye for now. Oh, wait, make sure you check out this video about the science behind EFT.
Alright, talk to you soon. Bye for now.
This video right here. Okay, cool. Bye.