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Siamak suffered from intense 10/10 social anxiety whenever he was the centre of attention.
He said “In situations such as public speaking, being the centre of attention, or performance situations, I felt extremely anxious. 10 out of 10 anxious.” He had tried CBT sessions, seen psychologists, and tried other approaches But, he said “to be honest with you, they didn’t work.” He thought this had little chance of succeeding also, and he thought he was a very tough case.
But now, he says “I am very, very happy that I have tried this approach. I now feel calm and relaxed in those types of situations. I did my wedding speech at my 25th wedding anniversary. I was calm and relaxed, and it was an amazing feeling and experience. Now if I go into social situations, I really don’t care about people’s judgment and other stuff. I really enjoy my confidence and had fun while I was giving my speech”
So, you can get to a place where you actually feel calm where you feel relaxed and you can just be yourself socially. Now, how to do that? How he got there? That’s what we’ll be discussing in this interview and enjoy, here we go.
Sebastiaan: Siamak, why did you decide to reach out for coaching and like what was the problem that you that you experienced that you came to see me for?
Siamak: Yeah. Actually, the problem was mostly when I was in certain social situations such as being in the center of attention or even a simple at introducing myself to a group of people at work or and when the number of people are bigger than for example four or five people and I don’t know them. Or even I know them sometimes I got extremely anxious and I felt very bad. I was shaking, and even simple introduction was a big challenge for me sometimes at work to introduce myself to a couple of people.
And that was the issue that, at first, I thought that this is this is me. I didn’t think that I have a challenge, but I was thinking that I was born this way. So, I thought everything is normal until like eight, nine years ago when I was started working in a company in which I should talk about my work every day for a couple of minutes. Very simple task about the progress of the projects. And that was a nightmare for me. A larger group of people was listening and that was something that really was difficult for me and I was very nervous, very anxious and I had too much problem. And the biggest problem was that they noticed my anxiety and I pushed myself to look normal and I was unable to do that. And it was automatic as soon as it was my turn even before it was my turn, my heart was pounding, and I felt very bad and I was blushing and that was one of the, those moment was where the worst moment in in my life if I want to describe it.
So, after that those event, I started to think about that and I searched for a solution and I realized, “No, that’s, that’s something that I can’t fix”. I attended from CBT sessions to enjoy some psychologists and mindfulness approaches, some other approaches for some sessions and studied some books. Especially CBT. And try to have some exposure to the situations that I had, I had problems such as being in the center of attention which was very painful.
But to be honest with you they didn’t work. And I gave up, to be honest with you. After like couple of months working I ordered another package online. They sent it to my house with a book and the CD and I went through them and work with them and worked with from psychologists. I had a little bit progress that was not noticeable. And I said, “Okay. That’s the way that I have to continue my life”. And because it’s not very, it doesn’t play very important role in my job, but I could survive with this way and I had no problem to continue. But that was something that always kept my mind busy that I should resolve this issue not only because of job or some certain situation because I would like to live the life in my fullest potential. I realized that if I fix this issue it opens some other opportunities to my life.
So, beginning in January, February this year I started to think about that again. To give it a try. I searched in the internet I had no idea about energy psychology or other approaches. But I googled it and like public speaking fear of public speaking and other keywords and it popped. Popped up with lots of information about energy circle, psychology, logo synthesis, EFT and I had no idea. I at least I spent a month on this.
Finally, I came this conclusion that the EFT seems to be a more effective approach. However, I was very skeptical about it and I did more research and listened to some podcast and educated myself. And I realized that it’s bigger than to be a spam and I found out that many psychologists, PhD’s practitioners are working in energy circle which is a different field of energy. Energy psychology and their client have had amazing result. So, I said “Why I should not try it?” Because that’s something I felt.
On the other hand, I think that that is the responsibilities of every person to fix this type of issue to get to the better level of life and better level of confidence. And so, through that research I got familiar with you and obviously that was, that was, I was fortunate enough to have those sessions.
Sebastiaan: Nice. And was there also a moment that you’re like, “Alright. I’ve had enough of this”. Because you came to me with a certain goal, didn’t you?
Siamak: Yes. Definitely. The reason that I started like three, four months ago to look for, to look for healing of this issue was and an event which I told you that was the 25th wedding ceremony. And I really like to have a quick speech in front of the friends and relatives. Usually, we had lots of parties and everybody enjoy but nobody talked anything, and I had no speech.
But this time I said “Okay. That’s a good time that I have a speech”. And that was another motivation. But the biggest motivation was the more I looked at these approaches the more I got hopeful and optimistic about “That should work”. And I, and I believe that if I fix this issue it’s a big, a big moment and bigger opportunity for me.
So, that occasion obviously played a role but that was not all. And if you want I can explain about the experience I had in my wedding ceremony.
Sebastiaan: Yeah. Well, we’ll save that the creme de la creme for a little bit later, but yeah.
Sebastiaan: Yeah, good. Yeah, okay. Just a couple of questions that I popped off the internet that can I want to draw out you’re experiencing, you’re thinking. You know, before during and after the coaching so that people get an experience, you know, they can probably relate to it because we tend to think that we’re very unique. And we are but we also have a lot of similarities and what we think is very personal and is usually very universal. Like a common understanding in therapy land.
So,my question is what was the obstacle that would have presented you from investing in coaching? If any?
Siamak: The biggest obstacle was I was not ready… I was not convinced that these approaches work. Like I had CBT. I had mindfulness. I had from exposure to and scary situation. Like when I say scary it means I mean scary for me. Such as being the center of attention. And it didn’t work, or it work in little bit. I can’t say it didn’t work. It obviously worked but it I didn’t get to the point that I say “Okay, I’m confident now” or I got the expected result.
So, that’s why I said “Okay. That’s probably part of me. I was born like this”. That was like hard-coded in my mind and I couldn’t believe that someone which has this type of anxiety. I don’t know I can call it social anxiety or because social anxiety from my (experience) is a very broad definition. But I was very anxious in some certain situations, so I was thinking that this doesn’t work. That was the biggest herbage.
Sebastiaan: Alright. Okay. Because what… Thanks for bringing that up. That’s a good point like that happens for a lot of people. Like you have a problem and first of all, you realize that you have a problem and you’re like “Okay. I have social anxiety. This is something that is known as something that apparently you can do something about”. And then you try a couple of things. And so, you try the first thing and now you know, you learned that the thing that you are suggested is a solution. So, you’re like “I have a problem. Here’s a solution. I’m going to give this a go. I feel hopeful that I can resolve this if I just do this approach that I’m suggested”.
And then you try to approach, and it doesn’t work. Now, your hope is a bit more crushed and you’re like “Oh, that’s not a good sign. Maybe it’s me”. And then you try another approach and that also doesn’t work and now you’re even more deflated and defeated and now you start to despair like “Oh, my God. What if I can never overcome this?” And start to be like “Man, there must be something totally wrong with me. Maybe I’m broken”. That could be very, very scary to have that.
And also, what happens when you try a bunch of things is like “I don’t want to get my hopes up again to get crushed again”. Because having your hopes up and then have it completely crushed is a very painful experience. And you’re subconscious actually starts to protect you by becoming skeptical.
Sebastiaan: You know, by saying “Alright. Well, you know, let’s just do very, very good research and look for any potential thing that says that this can’t work and then you can just not take action on this”. Because what if you try it and this doesn’t work too? Are you sure you really want to get your hopes crushed again?
Siamak: Right. Exactly. Exactly. That’s exactly the reason that I was that, that was the biggest obstacle and biggest challenged that I couldn’t convinced myself that there is an approach that can be worked. On the other hand, I thought that this my case might be very, very tough case. Like many, many others are, have from many others, other people think that their case is the toughest case.
Siamak: I was the same thing that I said “No. This case obvious, probably has no resolution. There is, there is no way to fix my issue. That, that was the obstacles that block me to, blocked me actually to or I was a start with this type of negative thinking that has taught me to try any approach. But I’m very, very happy that I found this approach and I learned a lot. Not only about this approach, I learned about myself. And that was something that there is always a gift in any challenge. That my anxieties sure guided me to know myself more. And as a result, to love myself and allow myself to return to the natural state of health and well-being. And yeah. That, that was that was the case.
Sebastiaan: And you mentioned that you didn’t necessarily have social anxiety because you had situations in which you were comfortable. Such as you know, with your family and everything. But once you, you know, once you were the center of attention, you can be yourself. And in a couple of other situations as well if I remember correctly where you didn’t… Right? Like I don’t want to put any words to your mouth but… I am right now.
Sebastiaan: But I kind of want to draw out you know, what, what the whole problem was.
Siamak: As I mentioned that the biggest problem… And I can’t say I was fully confident in other social situations as well. So, when I say, “I had no problem” it means in a scale of 0 to 10 my anxiety for like other situation was probably 2 or 3. So, I could handle this situation. But there were a couple of situations such as public speaking, giving speech and being in the center of attention or performance situations that I felt extremely, extremely anxious.
Sebastiaan: On the scale of 0 to 10 how intense was that there?
Siamak: Okay. 10. I can say 10. In some of them I was obviously 10 and I tried my best not to be on those, those type of situations. Either at work or any other situation. But sometimes I had no choice like that company that I was working in eight, nine years ago.
Siamak: And that was part of the job. So, as far as I remember I was, I was a shy person in overall since my childhood. As far as I remember grade 1 grade 2. I was… I can say I was a shy person. But I remember I was okay when the teacher asked me to come in front of the school and answer the questions about the subject. Up to grade 5 I think it was not scary. And I think my problem started from some time probably at the age of 11 or 12. Obviously, I remember I was very anxious in verbal subjects that I needed to go in front of the students and talk about something. Grade 10, grade 11, grade 9. I was extremely anxious.
Sebastiaan: Yeah. Okay. And my… My, the flow of my conversations is a bit less, less than normal because I got these off the internet, but you’ll get, there are good questions though. So, what did you find as a result of the coaching process? So, in other words what results did you get?
Siamak: Yeah. Yes. I think you used a very good vote when you said process. So, it’s not just EFT. I, from my point of view EFT is a tool that just facilitate that process. So, it’s the process of releasing all emotions and as a result becoming who you really are and reconnect to your true self. And EFT as a tool help, helped me. That’s my understanding. I’m not expert in this field but I try to read as much as I can.
And through the sessions that we had I learned a lot and the podcast that I everyday listen to at least one of them and especially from you. And you realize that that is a process. Like there are some other steps involved such as acceptance and self-acceptance. So, it has nothing to do with EFT itself but it’s the part of the process and those are very important concepts that I learned to do these because I’m a technical person working on my field usually by reading my books. So, this type of the stuff was sort of new for me but I’m getting more and more interested in human brain and psychology and especially energy psychology because it worked for me and I’m very excited for that.
And as I said healing is not much about getting better as about letting go everything that does not belong to you and getting rid of all negative beliefs, releasing all emotions and becoming who you really are, who you really are. And I call it the recovery of your true self. That’s reconnecting and uncovering the richness that I have always been.
And what I found is that I was disconnected to my true self because of the events happened in my life. Especially in my childhood which most of us have these types of events. So, even such as being bullied by classmates or humiliated by parents, relatives or teachers and so on.
Siamak: And these were something that helped me to realize what’s going on and to know myself better.
Sebastiaan: Yeah, yeah. We work through a couple of key memories. We addressed a whole bunch of other stuff as well.
Sebastiaan: In your right that it’s, it’s not just EFT. EFT is a tool like it’s a tool that is very effective but as my mentor Dr. David Lake says it’s, it’s a release technique. It’s a technique that’s very effective to get rid of negative emotions.
Sebastiaan: But there’s a whole process of you know, a therapeutic process that happens in you know, throughout our meetings. And EFT is one of the tools. Psych-K, another one. Logosynthesis another one. Emotion code is another one. And then there’s also the interaction between the two of us and your beliefs are being challenged and changed and shifted around and you know, emotions are being released and past events are cleared up so that you get to be present in the now and you no longer relive those old emotions from you know, your, your little self. Because that…
Sebastiaan: That’s what happens a lot. Okay. So, and what have you found has changed? Like how are things different now compared to how they used to be?
Siamak: The biggest difference is I feel calm and relaxed in those type of situation. And as I mentioned earlier in our conversation I was going to give a speech, quick speech in my twenty fifth years of my wedding ceremony. And I talked to my wife about that. I, to be honest with you I was not sure even up to the day of the party. So, even we had those sessions I work a lot and lots of tapping and I realize something is shifting within me but because I had no exposure to the real situation, I was not sure. And my wife asked me there in the morning that “Are you gonna give your speech?” And I said, “Let’s see how it goes.” I ain’t into parties. Because I was not in a state where I can handle it.
And so, in the party again my wife after came to me to me and asked me if I’m willing to give my speech. And at that moment I said “Yes” bit confident. Actually. And because I felt really good. And I said “Yes, I’m ready”. It went really well. It went much better than I expected. I was calm and relaxed. I was, and it was an amazing feeling and experience while giving my speech. And after that I felt great. And in order to be able to handle the situation in a calm and relaxed manner.
And that was proof actually for me that it is working, and it worked for me and it opened the door for me to continue on it for my personal development and heal any remaining issues that may arise in any certain situation. And my speech was recorded by, by a friend in the party and I watched it at least 10 times. So, for the last…and I really enjoy my confidence and having fun while I’m giving my speech.
Sebastiaan: Yeah. Yeah, you sent it to me.
Siamak: Yeah. That was an amazing, amazing experience. And to be honest with you as I mentioned I was not sure to give my speech up to the after the party. Even in the morning I had some tapping, I practiced. And I said “Okay. When I’m in the real situation how I would feel?”
Siamak: But when I was in the party I was close to that situation. I felt very calm and relaxed. And my wife asked me “Are you going to give your speech?” and I said “Yes” with confident and it went very well. I was interrupted by audiences couple of times because of dapping and after I continued without any issue, calm and relaxed. I finished my sentences. And I think everybody enjoyed my speech.
Sebastiaan: Nice. Nice. Yeah. What you’re saying, I want to speak to that a bit is “I didn’t know how I was going to do up until the moment itself”. Yeah. So, what often happens is a you… Okay. So, say you start out with a public speaking fear such as what happened for you and it’s a 10 out of 10 strong and you do the work within the coaching sessions and you release that fear. Then at the end of it when you think about it, you feel calm and relaxed. And that that’s, that’s where the shifts and changes happen. But then alright, so, at the end of the sessions you can picture it. You can visualize it and you feel good.
But that’s as far as we can test it within the session, right? The real test comes in to in the real world. And that’s what you’re describing. And then it’s like “All right. Well, it’s I still feel comfortable now. Okay, it’s getting closer to the speech I still feel comfortable now. Normally I’m starting to get really anxious now but I’m still comfortable. Hey, you know, it’s about time a couple of minutes before I’m giving my speech and I’m still relaxed. Now, I’m being relaxed. All right. There’s still no anxiety. Yeah, I’m going to do it”. And then you’re doing it and people often report that they’re like surprisingly calm and relaxed. Like a feeling it is, you know.
Siamak: Yes. Other than just something came to my attention that other than calm and relaxed, I didn’t care about people’s judgement because one of my biggest problem in those situations was a people’s judgment and how, how I look, my voice is shaking, or my voice is good or am I doing good. Like the performance perspective.
Siamak: This increase my anxiety. And I was totally calm, I didn’t care about people’s judgement.
Siamak: And, and I… That was another factor that I want to add to the consideration that that was another shift. All right. Now, if I go to a social situation I really don’t care about people’s judgement and other stuff.
Sebastiaan: Brilliant. Yeah. And, and that comes from you know, the self-acceptance. It’s like
“Hey, I accept myself. I accept myself to the point where I’m okay with whatever you think of me because I am okay with me”.
Siamak: Exactly. Exactly.
Sebastiaan: You got the permission to think what you want to think.
Siamak: Exactly. Some time it was very interesting concept that I went to a couple of times and to your website as well as I read some other articles especially from Dr. Steve Wells. Which was amazing article about self-acceptance. And I still think I’m not accept accepting myself hundred percent, but it is, it is much increased and I’m accepting myself much more than before.
And at first, I thought accept and or acceptance or self-acceptance means “You are okay with the situation”. But later when I read more about that and listen to different podcast I realize “No. Self-active-acceptance means you accept your current situation and whatever and whoever you are but at the same time you have some goals as you have some targets and you, you have some plan to achieve those goals and targets. To be, to be not a better person, to be more of yourself. To be your true self”.
Sebastiaan: Right. Yeah. Acceptance isn’t involved once. I’m socially confident then I accept myself or once I have that girlfriend or boyfriend or amount of money or job or whatever then I accept myself. That’s not how it works. It’s saying, “I accept myself as I am and as I change”.
And, yes. Steve is great. One of the people I learn from and he, we did a podcast, we did a couple of podcasts but one of them is on the topic of self-acceptance and that you know, I’m scrolling through to see if I can find control of self-acceptance. Yeah. A podcast number five “Self-acceptance – A key to social comfort”. So, people can you know, if you’re listening to this you can go check that out.
So, yeah. Absolutely. All right. Great stuff. So, the speech went well. Other things have improved. Let’s go to a bit of… But I just want to point out, isn’t that amazing? So, you mentioned…
Siamak: Is it amazing? Is it… it is amazing. And I was thinking about that, I find not my… fight flight freeze response which was an automatic process. And as soon as I had exposure to those type of situation, I had no control and it was automatically triggered.
Sebastiaan: Yeah, in the past.
Siamak: And I blamed all myself. Always that, why I cannot control this “FFF”? Not to be triggered. And I had no idea. It was completely automatic, and I had no control over it. Now, I realized it’s not triggered at all. It is shut off and it is cut off. And that’s something amazing that I realized. That “FFF” is not, is not triggered. And I think the biggest reason is those, some of those emotions are released and I feel safe.
Sebastiaan: That’s right.
Siamak: In those type of situations which play very important role to my confident and be calm and relax.
Sebastiaan: Yes. Absolutely. So, as you were describing nine years ago when you had to do these presentations and you know, you also mentioned that you did a bunch of Toastmasters.
Sebastiaan: When you were in those situations you didn’t feel safe to be yourself for your various beliefs. “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve to be the center of attention. They’re going to reject me. What if they’re going to make fun of me? What if they say something stupid?” All of those kinds of beliefs and fears cause you to not feel safe in that situation because of past experiences and programming and so on. And then if you… Because your brain in those situations read it like “Oh, there’s possible danger here”, that’s when it fires off that fight flight freeze response which leads to those anxiety symptoms. You know, you’re racing hard romping your throat, type in your chest, mind blanking out. You know, not possible to be funny. Not possible to think on your feet because you’re just overtaken by this response which is the body’s natural survival response in order to be able to deal with that danger that your, that your subconscious mind perceives.
Sebastiaan: So, it’s actually as we’ve shifted and change that around as we’ve dealt with and release those reasons for why you didn’t feel safe, now you, you know, did that the presentation, that speech at your, at your wedding ceremony and it’s not there. And what I was trying says like “Isn’t it amazing?” It was a ten and now it’s a zero because that that goal…
Sebastiaan: That whole fight flight freeze response doesn’t get activated if there is asking to be you know, if your brain doesn’t perceive there to be a danger, it won’t fire off that response. Which is…
Siamak: Exactly. Exactly. And I was thinking about what happened because I’m a technical person. I met this is psychology spot and I try to analyze and think about what happened. I think EFT, or this process opens a door to talk to the subconscious mind through those tapping. As far as I found, find out to different articles and books and podcast, subconscious mind is much, much bigger than conscious mind.
Siamak: Probably 95% of our intelligent it’s subconscious or even more. And just 5% of this is conscious mind. And whenever conscious mind talks to the subconscious mind, subconscious mind wins.
Sebastiaan: That’s right.
Siamak: So, that EFT and this process helped me to talk to my subconscious mind and let him know that you are safe. Released some emotions and some other things that I can’t recall. You know better than me. And now, as a result I had those type of shifts.
Sebastiaan: Yes. Yeah. Your subconscious, you’re got a conscious mind which is you know, exactly about 5%. You know, some experts have different ideas 5 percent, 10 percent, 2 percent, whatever. It’s a small percentage compared to the subconscious mind which is the bigger part of you. It’s actually not, it doesn’t have a personality of its own, of its own. You can kind of compare to a tape recorder. It records all the information from even before you are born, and it tries to make sense of the world by store it, you know, it holds all the information.
So, from the moment you were born, all the experiences that you have, all the sounds, the smells, the taste, sensations, it’s all stored there in the subconscious. And from experiences that you have, it’s, it learns things. And in order to start to perform a map of the world so that it can navigate you through it safely. Because its main, its prime directive is survival. To keep you safe.
Sebastiaan: And so, you know, it learns particular beliefs and from experiences. So, if you are constantly criticized by your parents for example, it might, it might learn “Okay. I’m not good enough”. And that’s, that’s an interpretation of the experience that you’re having over and over and since that is the case your subconscious is like “Alright. I need to take on this belief because this is the way the world works, and I need to have an accurate map of reality as possible so that I can navigate through the world as safely as possible”.
And so, you know, you’re running around with these beliefs, you know. And then you might have a bully experience, or you know, you might get punched in the face out of nowhere and you’re like “Oh, I got to be careful. I can’t trust people”. Boom. Now that belief is also in there. And these beliefs you know, they’re running the show. They’re, there, they’re linked to your, to your nervous system and they’re operating on that subconscious level and that’s why out of the blue all of a sudden you can get triggered by a feeling of insecurity or a feeling of shame or whatever. And we’re just reliving the emotions of these past experiences and we’re perceiving the world through these beliefs that we have learned.
And consciously it’s very difficult to change that. So, when you’re triggered by something and you feel really anxious just saying to yourself “Oh, I’m okay. This is not really bad, you know. I’ll be fine”. You know, try it and see how it works. It doesn’t really work, you know. It works a little bit. Maybe you get a little bit of reassurance but it’s just tiny compared to you know….
Siamak: Exactly. Exactly. Because, because that FFF is triggered by subconscious mind and you have no control and I think this type of issue is cannot be a result to conscious mind.
Siamak: Because it’s happening in the subconscious mind.
Sebastiaan: Right. Alright. Well, let’s switch to the next question. So, what specifically do you like most about coaching?
Siamak: And I at first actually I try to learn it myself and go to the process and see how it goes. But later, I realized that there might be some issues especially in my past life that needs therapy and needs to be seen by an expert or practitioner. So, that was an amazing opportunity for me to have those sessions with you. And we went through many, many issues. Especially in my past life and that charts…
Sebastiaan: With past life you mean like not your former life.
Siamak: Not my former life. I mean my childhood.
Siamak: And the, there was a chart that you helped me to go through and go one by one to release those emotions. That was something that obviously I was not able to do that myself because I don’t know that type of things. So, we went through many other things in the… I can’t recall exactly but the biggest one as far as I remember was those emotions and the chart that we went through. And we went through each one by tapping to release those emotions.
And instead of reliving my past life at present, I was emotionally free. I can recall lots of events without any emotion. On the other hand, there were something in my subconscious mind that I couldn’t recall. But very roughly, very like not clear these remembers something about I was humiliated by for example my dad.
And the beauty of EFT is as far as I found is you don’t need to recall the exact event in your childhood. It works. You can just imagine that something happened, and you were bullied, or you were humiliated by someone. And go through tapping. And it works. That was the biggest advantage of coaching I think.
Sebastiaan: And what did you like most about it? Like was it enjoyable? Was it painful?
Siamak: It was mostly enjoyable than painful. The painful part was when you asked me to remember some of the bad experience and event in my childhood. Which I had to remember. It was not super painful but obviously thinking about those type of memory, it’s not, it’s not a pleasure.
Siamak: Nobody likes it. But that was the painful part. But the enjoyable part was tapping and the fun way that you handle the situation is remembering the last session you, you discovered a seriousness with a… within me. And we tapped through that. I realized “Yes, I try to be serious in those situations”. And that is a kind of disconnection between my real self and my true self and who I really am. And that caused another anxiety. Why I was very serious? Probably because I want to have respect from other people. When I found out if I’m serious. And we went through tapping to those type of my emotions and we clear, clear them up.
Sebastiaan: Yeah. And the… I just want to be clear for people. So, the pain that you experienced thinking about those memories. We’re not talking about you know, going through extensive detail of traumatic memory and reliving all the pain and so on.
Sebastiaan: Right? Like there, if you recall it and then it’s now we know what to focus on and then we actually start releasing it.
Sebastiaan: These people might be all like “Oh, I don’t want to be, I don’t want to think about any of my traumas and I don’t want to be traumatized”.
Sebastiaan: This is a very gentle approach. So, you know, while you experience some negative emotions as we bring them into your consciousness, we then immediately start releasing them. So, it’s not a short-lived thing.
Sebastiaan: All right. The other benefits of coaching?
Siamak: It’s a tough question. I, so, I think because it’s done by an expert, by an expert or practitioner. And obviously they can identify the source of the issue and they do root cause analysis and they can go to each single emotion which might be related to your anxiety and they clear all of them. So, I think that should answer your question.
Sebastiaan: Let me be, let me…
Siamak: I don’t know more towards it.
Sebastiaan: Let me, let me be more specific. Okay. What I meant is you know, what are three other benefits in your life as a result of the coaching?
Siamak: What three other benefits in my last tour and coaching? So, obviously I learned about the process much better. Because when it’s provided by in, by an expert or practitioner at the same time that you are practicing the process, you learn. And you realize how to handle it in by yourself when, when it’s needed. Because I still think that there are lots of things that I have to go to and release the emotion using this EFT technique.
Siamak: It’s not the end of story. I had a great, great, great progress. I’m very happy for the amount of time that I spent. I learned a lot about myself. I learned about, about some very interesting concepts. But at the same time, it’s not finished. It’s just, just the beginning of the personal development. I call it personal development. To be, to be closer to your true self.
Siamak: So, it’s a process of probably lifetime. But probably at the beginning you need to spend more time than like after five years. It might happen after five days, you have some emotions that need to be clear. But so, my biggest point is it’s not the end of story, it’s not finished yet for me. I’m much more confident. I’m… I don’t care about people’s judgement. I’m more relaxed in social situations especially when I’m in the center of attention, attention and I mean spotlight. But I still think I have lots to do.
Sebastiaan: Yep. Yes. So, there’s always room for improvement.
Sebastiaan: Yeah. And you know, when you focus on a particular issue and you resolve that issue then it’s like “Wow. That’s amazing. What else can I do?” You know, what’s the next level that I can, that I can move to, right?
Siamak: Yeah, exactly.
Sebastiaan: For myself it started out with feeling less anxious. That was already great. Then you know, no longer feeling general anxiety, which was great. Then feeling no anxiety, but having difficulty connecting with people. Then you know, being able to connect effortlessly which was great, you know.
And now currently I’m also not where I want to be. I’m where I want to be socially, but you know, I want to be in a really amazing connected relationship with an amazing woman and I’m not there yet. I’m comfortable interacting with them but I don’t have that yet. So, I’m looking with my mentor. Okay. So, how can I move to that level? Because I’ve high standards when it, when it comes to what I want. And so, there are always higher levels which is an exciting thing.
Siamak: Exactly, exactly. And as I mentioned before I just want to reiterate that there is always a gift in any challenge. So, in one side, in one hand, I have, I had lots of bad, bad events in my life. And it caused by social anxiety and I was feeling very bad in those types of situations. I tried my best to avoid those type of situations and not to be in the next level of my life, my career, my job. Another thing just came to my attention, feeling better and more confident in those type of situation can lead me to a better job.
I can’t be in like a leadership job in my field and obviously, I can play when important role in my community. I really, I would like to be more active in my community if there is any issue with children, with any facility that I can handle, giving any speech in front of people. That’s amazing when you go to your community and talk about your ideas and help other people’s and that’s something that that’s amazing. And I, my goal is to get to reach to that point to help my committee, my community. And hopefully in the future people of my country.
Sebastiaan: Nice, beautiful. You think the…
Siamak: When I say my country, I mean my original country.
Sebastiaan: Sure, sure. Okay. Two more questions. Would you recommend coaching? If so, why?
Siamak: Definitely. As I mentioned the coaching can do a root cause analysis in your problem. And through some questions they can find those, the source of the issue in your childhood and they can spot that particular problem which is related to social anxiety. That’s the biggest advantage of coaching because it’s, it is done by a practitioner or an expert who can do analyses and go to your childhood and find out what’s going on through some event and release those emotions. Obviously, everybody can practice EFT by itself. But I personally recommend at least a few sessions based on the tough, toughness of the case. But that would really help.
Sebastiaan: Brilliant. All right. Is there anything else to add?
Siamak: I think in my opinion the best time and that everybody can expand is what you spent on yourself to uncover your true self and enjoy the life and leave the life with your full potential. And also, I have two quotes from Rumi and first Kody.
Sebastiaan: Who is Rumi?
Siamak: Rumi is a Persian poet and because I’m Persian and I, Rumi is my favorite person. And yeah, that’s why I chose Rumi.
Sebastiaan: I asked him if I could interview him and he’s been sending me some quotes throughout our, our relationship already. And the beginning of the chat is like “Oh, I have a couple of quotes”. And all right, let’s hear it. And if I ask you at the end then let’s bring it down. So, yeah, let’s hear it. I love Rumi.
Siamak: The first quote is “Your task is not to seek for love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it”.
And the second quote is “What you seek is seeking you”.
Sebastiaan: Great. Yeah. The first quote is exactly what we do. You know, we’re looking at what are the barriers in the way of you feeling safe to be yourself. Another way of saying that what are the barriers in the way of you loving yourself? And yeah, you know, what’s in the way of that? Is those fears and beliefs that come from that those experience, repetitive experiences in those dramatic events? So, that’s beautiful. Thank you.
Siamak: Yeah. No problem. Thank you Sebastiaan.
Sebastiaan: Yeah. Thank you for sharing this. That’s, that’s, I really appreciated. I think people are going to really benefit from, from hearing from this. So, thank you.
Siamak: My pleasure. Thank you.
Sebastiaan: All right. Hope you enjoyed that. If you’re interested in getting one-on-one coaching with yours truly, you can go to my social confidence coaching page. You’ll find all the details there. You will find other video testimonials there. You’ll have an FAQ frequently asked questions with all my detailed long-drawn-out answers there. And anything and anything you want to know you can probably find there.
And then if you know, it sounds like something you want to give a go, you can sign up for a free 20-minute intro chat and we’ll have a little chat over Skype and we’ll talk about how you can be free of social anxiety, so you can feel relaxed than have a good time socially. All right. I will talk to you at some point. Bye for now.
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