Yes, I'd like to overcome my Social Anxiety!

Sign up to receive the FREE
"The 7 Secrets to Social Confidence" Mini Course!

Transformed Bully Victim Shares Fascinating Ways to Connect Pt 2



Being bullied led Cyrus on a transformative path of healing. After traditional Psychotherapy didn’t help, he discovered a variety of solutions that allowed him to heal and connect with others.

In this part 2 of our interview, he shares how he has learned to connect and feel safe socially.

Additionally he shares:

  • a demonstration of a healing technique
  • why he now feels safe socially
  • how having social anxiety can actually lead you to happiness
  • how to overcome the most difficult step of overcoming social anxiety
  • how he handles disapproval, social awkwardness, and feeling disconnected
  • tips to build friendships and a social life from scratch
  • how to take relationships to the next level
  • what to do when a relationship isn’t serving you
  • how to reclaim your life and reconnect with your dreams


Sebastiaan: Brief story and then we’ll move on. What you were saying, cause I kind of want to point out like the feeling you get after it. And best way is by sharing experience. So a last time when  we did some, some group Breathwork. In the beginning, you may be sitting in a circle and especially for the new people that are not were very used to it, there there’s some you know, some tension and some like you know, like what’s gonna happen and some general anxiety or just not fully freeness that you know, comes for a lot of people with meeting someone new. And so, then it’s like, “Alright. Do the Breathwork, do the Breathwork”. You know, hour later, you know, you come, and you sit and you’re all sitting in a circle and you know you’re listening to some kind of a trippy music as you, as you’re going through this Breathwork experience. And the breathing by the way is very simple. Can you just show them?

Cyrus: Certainty. it’s just what we call a deep connected oral breathe. So, it’s a breath in and a breath out without pausing between them. So, its…

Sebastiaan: And breathing in to your belly or to your chest?

Cyrus: Initially it’s just to get breath going. If the breath is predominantly in the chest then we try to take the breath into the belly and if the breath is in the belly, then we try to take it into the chest. Just trying to create freedom in the breathing system, in the respiration system and the lungs. And I love the reason why the breath is not free at first. Because the muscles become so loft, because of the fear, because of the story.

And so, as we start to breath, the muscles around the rip cage starts to release a little more breath can come in and it starts to be this feeling of freedom. And it’s simply oxygenating the body. Oxygenating the body on one level and as the body becomes oxygenators as we breathe out, it’s releasing toxins on one level. There’s so many other levels to it.

Sebastiaan: Right. And so, that’s the kind of breathing that you’re doing and you’re not doing that five times or ten times. You’re doing that the whole time for an hour long pretty much.

Cyrus: Yeah.

Sebastiaan: Now, and so, stuff starts to happen, you know. And you know, you go into outer space or whatever you do, or you know, it’s a wide variety of experience that you could have during the process of going through that. But point I’m trying to make is at the end of that and this just happened to be a group session, you can do this one-on-one as well. We kind of all gathered to sit in a circle and now everyone was just like very lovingly looking at each other and everyone’s kind of zoned out and but connected. I’d say that the main word. And all the anxiety and all the tension is out of the room and there’s just a totally different energy, totally different vibe in that room. I think you’d still want to say something? Or we’ll leave it here. Breathwork. Check it out. Alright. More to come.

Sebastiaan: So, let’s shift this to… Yeah. Alright. So, you’ve been bullied, you’ve gone through that experience and it’s been a thing in your life and then you found all these healing modalities and you moved through that. You eluded to it earlier. All right. Now I’m just feeling free and I’m now just feeling comfortable, now just feeling at ease and I can go where I want, and I look forward to meeting people and I enjoy spending time with them. And why do you think that is the case for you right now?

Cyrus: Why do I think?

Sebastiaan: Yeah. Why do you think you feel so free, socially? It may be a big question.

Cyrus: Yeah, wow. Okay. So, on one level I’ve released the limiting belief systems that I had about myself. I now believe I’m… And this is in no way full of arrogance or pride or anything. I know I now believe I’m the powerful being. I now believe I’m strong enough to protect myself in whatever the world puts towards me. I actually don’t even perceive that the world’s got threat in it anymore, you know. The world’s a beautiful place and my… All of our external experiences are tinted by the glasses that we view life through. And my view of life now is one way where someone who’s on I live in Ubud in Bali which is makes it easier to have this belief system but every single stranger I see down the street if I look in the eye and smile at them because my heart’s open they reflect that.

And when I wake up in the morning I’m excited about my day. I don’t worry about I’ve got go to work or something and I’ve got a job now so… And yeah, the biggest way I can describe it is I have the experience of that childlike quality of being playful and excited but in an adult’s body when there’s no adult telling me I can’t. So, anything I want to do I can do and that feels incredible to believe that. And I never would have thought I could have been the person I am now when I was in my 20s. I would have just given everything I own to be as free as I am now and loving and caring and connected. And that’s our birthright. That’s our natural state of being. It’s just that we live in the worlds that we’ve constructed in a very human way which are actually very dehumanizing and they disconnect us from each other. The media’s full of stories that make us fear strangers and we’re worried about money and economic crisis and and and and and and… And all of that has an impact on us.

And so, I’d say to people is sit down and see if you can write out your most limiting beliefs about you and most negative things about yourself and then write out what the opposite of that is and start making that your daily belief about yourself something as simple as that. Sebastiaan does a type of therapy called EFT. Yeah. And as such a shortcut way of seeing and reprogramming your belief systems and your nervous system. And the implications and the effects on life on one’s life are dramatic.

And you’ll… You out there if you’re listening to this, I sincerely hope you’ve stumbled across it and don’t have any social anxiety whatsoever but if you do, what I’d say to you is take a chance, take a risk it. Buy into your own healing and have a read of what therapies Sebastiaan does or what therapies are out there and if something resonates with you, be brave and take a chance because it might just be the beginning of your transformation to experience the life that you actually want to live. And because I can say that with absolute belief because that’s been my journey and I know it has been yours too.

Sebastiaan: Yeah. Nice. Yeah. Reason why I asked that question as well as like you know what? When I was having you know, intense social anxiety, the whole idea just like you related to before. The whole idea that you can actually be free and actually look forward to connecting with people and you know, a stranger isn’t this big scary hurdle that you have to overcome anymore. It’s just another person that you could meet, you know. But that’s just hearing about the kind of beliefs that that you can have and what is actually pretty normal that can be inspiring.
So, that’s why I’m gonna drill further on this. So, I did have a couple of questions prepared. So, let me just see….

How do you deal with disapproval? You know, people with social anxiety that that’s typically a big thing, you know, worried about rejection, disapproval, being criticized, being made fun of that kind of stuff. How do you see that now? How do you deal with it?

Cyrus: Big smile on my face. Complete permission for that person to have their own experience, to have their own belief system. Also believing that if I listen I can learn something from them because I only got my perspective, their perspective may be valid and at the same time how do I deal with disapproval? I allow it to be there. It doesn’t lodge itself in my body. I check in with myself. I’m my own barometer now. One of the most interesting people that’s not alive anymore that I’ve read a lot from is Krishnamurti. And Krishnamurti talks about society. And he says society is just a construct of our own mind. It’s an amalgamation of these belief systems that creates some imaginary external entity that’s judging us. It’s ourselves judging ourselves.

If you’re really get in touch with yourself and know that you’re living in alignment with your values, then people can be disapproving all the time and that’s fine. It’s okay. You know, I don’t seek the approval of the whole world. I seek the approval of this world and this world, the world of my friends, you know. And we get that organically and disapproval is fine. Great.

Sebastiaan: And if you listen to what Cyrus is saying you can kind of hear, “Hey, I’m okay with me more than that I worry about other people not being okay with me”. You know, it’s a level of self-acceptance that says, “I’m all right. Not perfect, you know, you know, I have my flaws but I’m all right and other people they, I give them permission to have their opinion, you know, it’s all right”.

Cyrus: I don’t actually say I am perfectly human and being perfectly human means having all these weird traits and differences and… The moment we start to talk with other humans authentically from the heart. Like if you could possibly when you’re suffering from social anxiety just turn around to the person next to you and say, “Do you know what? And I feel super disconnected I can’t breathe very well. I’m feeling disconnected from you and from the world and my body feels stiff and I’ve…” You’re gonna start feeling the compassion of the human being, you know.

Sebastiaan: Depending on the place where you at.

Cyrus: And I would say yes but I would also say no. I would also say if the actual set scene has been set so that you’re both present in that moment then as soon as you say that there’s going to be a feeling of connection because I think most people can empathize with all of the feeling unloved or feeling fearful or whatever. We’ve all been there once or know that that’s a possibility and that brings us connection too. And whatever you it is you’re suffering from, I won’t word it the way… I was gonna say it’s not real. I know the experience is real because I experienced it myself. But it’s a… it’s a byproduct of a certain belief system that’s very relative and it can be overridden with another belief system that’s far more serving to the holistic experience of being a happy human being. And that’s all it is. We came into this world as a blank sheet and through certain experiences some of us never experienced trauma and were free of most things. Some of us experienced traumatic situations and built these belief systems that are not real. You’re not whatever it is you believe. Unlovable, ugly, unattractive, whatever, not funny. You’re none of those things unless you let the programs run.

Sebastiaan: Right.

Cyrus: And in some ways, those it’s our darkness that leads us towards our light. So, your social anxiety is where you should put your attention. And start to see if you can find out what the belief systems you have about yourself are. And I think that’s going to be the beginning of a journey, you know. And find, to find somebody to work with, with a word from our sponsor. And invest in your own liberation, invest in your own transformation, in your own freedom. You know, why do we earn money? To make us happy. Find happiness for yourself.

Sebastiaan: Yeah. I think when you were intending to say or what you were saying with you know, social anxiety is that I think social anxiety is the darkness with which we find our light, meaning, correct me if I’m wrong, is a social anxiety such a painful experience that it forces you to look into yourself. That it forces you to look at the problems that you’re dealing with because it’s no way to actually live your life. You’re so limited, you’re so restricted. And that darkness forces you to do the work in order to get to the light.

Cyrus: Yeah.

Sebastiaan: Yeah, yeah.

Cyrus: And once you start on the journey the difficult… The most difficult thing with anything is to start. Once you start it’s not… You don’t receive the benefits in the future. They’ve happen in the here and now and that creates the momentum, the enthusiasm, the commitment to your own healing. And once you’ve started it’s a part you can’t turn back from. And a beautiful thing about it is that each step you take along the path you get to taste the fruits of your efforts and the rewards of your journey right now.

Sebastiaan: Right. And it’s definitely an up-and-down journey in the sense that it’s not, it’s not only you know, bliss and rainbows and butterflies and all that stuff there will be up and downs on the journey. But once you, once you actually start to make changes, once you take that first step, things are gonna be different because now you feel different and things have shifted for you. And now you know that things can shift for you and so now you become more committed. So, the scariest thing like you said in deed is actually getting started, actually doing something, actually making the choice, the decision that, “Hey, this is enough. I’m gonna do something about this. I’m gonna go to Google and look up Breathwork or I’m gonna reach out or I’m gonna you know do some tapping or whatever”.

Actually, making the decision to get going. That’s what requires the most effort. It’s like that analogy that you sometimes hear. You know, it takes a lot to get a big train going you know. It uses most of its force to actually go from zero to full, you know, to get going that takes the most energy. Or a rocket that takes off. It uses most of its fuel to get off the ground and get into however you call that outer space.

Cyrus: Orbit.

Sebastiaan: Orbit, yeah. Exactly. But once you get going, now you’ve got momentum and now you’re… Now you’re on the road now you’re on the journey now you’re on the path and now things get better and better and better over time. So, yeah. And, and what you said about the beliefs. Yeah, the beliefs are the lenses through which you experience the world, through which you perceive and look at the world.

So, when you’re in a social situation and you’re feeling anxiety, you are you know, you are looking through the world and you’re perceiving threats. So, you’re perceiving, “I might get rejected. I’m not good enough. They’re better than me”. That kind of stuff. And these beliefs as you say they’re not real but even though you might know that, just talking to yourself is not going to change it. But it feels true. That’s the problem. Like you feel… It feels true that you’re not good enough even though you know it doesn’t make sense. It feels true that you’re different and that there’s something wrong with you and that people don’t like you and that kind of stuff. It feels true and that’s the problem.

And with these modalities that we’ve been talking about tapping, Breathwork and so on, you get rid of the feeling of the belief being true and then it’s just a thought and then it doesn’t affect you anymore and then that’s where you get freedom. So, I think that’s our inspiration moment of the day. Did you want to add something to it or you want me to launch next questions?

Cyrus: No.

Sebastiaan: No? All right. Yeah. I love this question, but I think I already know the answer. How do you feel about looking foolish or by making a dumbass out of yourself?

Cyrus: Quite excited.

Sebastiaan: What do you mean? It’s an ongoing experience.

Cyrus: It’s crazy as might sound. I’m way more of a stupid kid right now then I was as a kid. Yeah. How do I feel about making it dumb ass of myself? It’s not whatever that word carries in a negative way and my experience of being a dumbass doesn’t carry that. My experience of being a dumbass carries only the positivity that’s attached to that word. It’s the best way I can describe it. I give permission through my actions for other people to be free is what I’ve been told most about being that I am from clients or friends or whatever. And for me that’s such a gift to be able to offer back to people who are not in that space yet. That I was once you, however anxious and closed off and disconnected you feel and, “Hello, it’s me now”.

And yeah, I cannot think of that many things that would make me feel socially uncomfortable now. And that doesn’t mean I don’t feel social anxiety occasionally but it’s not a situation. It’s like it comes up I recognize it in a so space of time, close my eyes, come back in, take a few breaths, go through a few processes, might tap myself a little bit or something else and then I’m present again. And that’s what it is.

Social anxiety is not being present. You’re caught in a story. As human beings most often are caught in a story, so it’s not like I’ve become the Buddha that’s ever of ever-present, omnipresent. It’s just that the story that’s running when I’m not present is, “Hey, it’s a big playground out there and let’s get have some fun”.

Sebastiaan: Brilliant. How do you deal with awkwardness?

Cyrus: Talk about it.

Sebastiaan: Like bring it up.

Cyrus: Yeah.

Sebastiaan: Like elephant in the room.

Cyrus: Yeah, yeah. I love these. Like I can talk about this because this weekend I sat with a girl that was like… I was just finding myself hypnotized by her and something came up. I was like, “Wow, I’m feeling super awkward. Why don’t I put my hand on her ligament and say can share something with you?” She was like, “Yeah, what?” I mean God… I feel a little bit like a schoolboy right now and she’s like “Why?” – “Well, my kind of heart is beating a little bit faster and my legs tapping, and I think it’s because I’m feeling a little bit awkward around you because I think I might be attracted to you. And boom. This explosion of joy. And this little girl lit up in front of me. Oh, this beautiful woman I saw this just little girl jump out and she was awkward now actually, but it was like two awkward beings that we were alright with our awkwardness.

I had to kind of say you know when I caught a disconnecting say, “Hi, it’s still me again”. How does that make you feel, you know? And something that’s come alongside this journey has become, has come the ability to talk about real things. How am I feeling right now? How are you feeling right now? Is there anything you’re curious about? Ask me a question, you know. And the quality of my interactions with people is so beautiful because it’s not running from an old program. “Hi, where are you from? – Yeah, really? Would you, would you do? Okay, okay, yeah, yeah. You know, it’s two human beings being here present right now in this present moment with whatever comes up and that’s okay. Whatever comes up is okay.

Sebastiaan: Yep. Yeah, that it’s a very interesting thing. Like this leading question with awkwardness, I asked a couple other people as well that I interviewed in the podcast. And because when you’re experiencing anxiety that’s like the worst, you know. You’re like, “Awkwardness, oh, my God and then the attention is on me and it’s awkward”. And there are all sorts of judgments about awkward. Like, “Oh, it’s my fault and it should never be awkward”. And you know, this social perfectionism and certain emotions are not acquainted. And I speak from so much experience trust me. Like you know, it’s not okay to be embarrassed, it’s not okay to feel anxious.

There’s so much judgment about ourselves for experiencing anxiety like what you said you know. Oh, I have a bit of a social anxiety come up. – Alright, put some attention on it. But the fact that you said, “Alright. You know, let me go internally and have a look at what’s going on here”. But you’re not rejecting the feeling of anxiety. And this is easier said than done, you know. But, but there is work you can do that gets you to the place where you’re not judging the anxiety, where you don’t have any additional feelings about the anxiety, where it’s just like, “Anxiety comes up. All right, well, I’m still okay even though I’m experiencing anxiety and you know, I don’t feel ashamed about it and I don’t feel… I don’t hate myself for it. I’m not you know, all of that kind of extra stuff which, which puts a lid on the problem of anxiety and which makes it stay around for a longer, a longer period of time. Long wind it’s a way of saying you’re okay with the emotion that comes up. And you know, that takes it, it takes away a lot of the awkwardness.

Cyrus: Can I say something about that actually? A really good tool that you could use now is when you’re feeling anxious rather than laboring in anxiety, start to try and label the actual sensation you’re feeling. So, rather than saying I’m feeling anxious. I’m like I’m feeling like pressure in my chest. I’m feeling an inability to breathe here. I’m feeling pain there, I’m feeling numb here. Whatever it is for you rather than calling it anxiety which is the story and you’re attached to a story. It’s starting to create space from this story. Okay, I am feeling anxious right now. My throat feels really closed up. Okay, my throat feels really closed up. What can I do? Let me try and breathe into my throat a little bit.

Well, that’s moving me. I think that feeling is moving down there. And that in itself will give you a beginning tool to start moving away from a belief system which is when I’m in these situations I’m anxious to being present in what is. And our social anxiety is definitely not being present. You’re caught in a story, you know, and the way back from not being present is many-fold and one of the things is to actually take yourself into your body and out of your mind and start to notice those senses and to speak, speak them to yourself to recognize them. And it gives you a tool in your toolbox.

Sebastiaan: Yeah, excellent. Well, we could talk on for hours and hours but I’m just going to see… All right. Let’s do a couple more, couple more questions. So, yeah, making friends. So, let’s move this too you know, that the social realm. So, let’s keep it nice and broad how do friendships get formed, how do you experience it happening for you?

Cyrus: So, I guess friendships get formed where we have some common things between us that can create a feeling of a bonding like with the same tribe, with the same family, whatever the word is you know, what’s same. And so, friendships get formed in that way where we recognize something the friendship gets formed through attraction if it’s that kind of thing but in a purely platonic way, it’s about finding some common ground, some common interests. That’s why we talk to people “Oh, yeah, you’re into football? I’m into football too”. “Are you into football? Yeah, me too”. And straightaway you get that look at that. Your face lit up, okay. And so, friendships get formed by finding that common ground. And how do I experience it happening for me?

Sebastiaan: In a sense of a… All right, so… You know, I might… Well, we met playing Frisbee, right? Playing Ultimate Frisbee. New sport for me last year, good fun, check it out. It’s a good way to meet people as well, you know, wherever you are if you’re you know find a near big city and type in Ultimate Frisbee. If you’re into sports, it’s a great way, very nice community of people, good way to meet new people.

Anyway, so, that that’s how we initially met and from there we connected and we’re like let’s hang out or you know, and I don’t exactly remember what happened but yeah, okay, but you know, how does it go from there and how do things turn into a friendship? Because people… A lot of people, social anxiety, are struggling with this and it’s like, “Well, how do I take things to the next level? I meet someone there and you know I go there every week and that’s… It doesn’t go any further than that”.

Cyrus: Yeah. So, it’s what we’ve been talking about a few minutes ago. Finding a conversation, starting up that’s about what’s happening right now. And how the friendships get formed? It’s one, we’ve got common ground. What happens as we start to be free it was that we realized that all the labels we put on ourselves separate ourselves from other people. And I’m this and they’re that so we’re not going to connect, you know. You know, I’m whatever and you’re whatever else. I’m a football fan from one country, you’re a football fan from the other country, we’re rivals. Or… But the experience of having a connection with somebody for me it happens when we become both aware that we’re in this present moment and that there’s something absolutely that we both have a similar belief in. And the more you strip away your social anxiety the broader that becomes.

So, let’s say in the beginning we meet and we both got social anxiety. – “Thank God. In this I’m not alone”. And that’s what friendship is. Is that, “Okay, I’m not alone in this world”. And the more you can strip away the labels to separate you, the more that you access friendships more quickly and easily. And I would almost like now, I understand it totally, I used to think I’m never gonna have any friends. I had two friends and they were two people from school and they were my friends because they both lived in my street and our parents were friends. And so, they were my friends by default, not by choice. And when we were at school they were my friends from a distance, you know. And now, it’s like it’s like every interaction I have I feel like at the end of it it’s like, “You know what? See you later”. And I mean I hope to see you later. You know, there’s something that we have in common together and it is that we’re alive and we’re doing our best in this human experience or it is that we both got social anxiety or something.

But take a chance. Just say something unusual to somebody. So, be real about what’s happening for you. We all want to be real, you know. We want to get away from the superficiality of life and get beneath the surface. And you know, why do people get come together as lovers and get married is because they found some connection in there that feels precious. I’m not a believer that that’s gonna happen with just one person. I believe that that can happen with pretty much everybody you meet. If your hearts open, if you’re connected in the present moment with what’s going on… I know hearts open sounds rubbish, so let’s not talk about that but if you’re able to convey to somebody right here, right now. Something that brings them out of the superficiality of their experience to something that’s real I find that’s an incredibly bonding thing to have with somebody.

Sebastiaan: Lovely. Yeah, yeah. I mean it’s a… it’s such a good feeling when that happens. There’s that “Oh, nice, you know. I get along with you. This is good, this is good, I like it”. And how do you then like I really have to pull this out of you because it’s so natural for you but how do you then take things to the next level is like, “Hey, I’ll give you one suggestion. Hey, let’s go for lunch”. Right? It’s that easy but any other things you want to add on to that…

Cyrus: And like if you live in a city where you’ve had a contact with somebody and that feels unusual for you and you want to hold on to that, just say it. Yeah, if it’s too much to ask for their number, offer your phone number. Can we see each other again? Or let’s go to football or do you come maybe we see each other in this place again. It’s like making an offer – “Hi, do you want to be my friend?” I reckon saying that to somebody’s gonna make them go. Yeah. And I reckon use another one like you say that song you got at the end of it. I really like you want to be my friend I reckon you say it will just smile in your face and it’s gonna bring out a little child in them. We all want to be thought of as somebody that somebody wants to have as a friend.

Sebastiaan: Yep. Yeah. It’s flattering if someone wants, wants to be your friend unless the person you know, unless you’re not really digging the other person then maybe not. But typically, you know, it’s flattering if someone wants to be your friend.

Cyrus: Yeah.

Sebastiaan: Yeah.

Cyrus: I also say like in forms of social anxiety, maybe it’s worth looking at your relationships and making sure they are serving your liberation from that and they’re not keeping you in that.

Sebastiaan: Right.

Cyrus: So, if you have dysfunctional relationships, if you can’t be brave enough to talk with the person, ask them that can they sit down with you and talk about it if that’s possible for you. And if it’s not, just see if you can start to be strong enough to let go of those relationships because then space will be created for something else to come into that vacuum. And if what your relationship had is something that’s causing you anxiety then it’s not serving you in any way. It takes a lot of strength.

Sebastiaan: Yeah. Yep. And then maybe starting a new path first. You know, finding some new outlet starting Salsa dancing or going to Ultimate Frisbee or what it is.

Cyrus: Yeah, to join, to join a club or an organization or an interest or find a group that does so people have got a social anxiety. I bet if you live in a city there’s probably one now it’s in there. Go and find, a lot of other people they’ve got social anxiety and feel like you’re not alone and see how that transforms you.

Sebastiaan: I’ll leave that one alone. Anyway, let me see a couple more questions. If you had to build a social life from scratch, how would you go about it? Never happened, has it?

Cyrus: Well, actually, strange enough it has on numerous occasions because I’ve lived in like 13 countries. So, how do I…

Sebastiaan: If you had the… Let’s say you go to a new country, right? Then how…

Cyrus: Oh, yeah. How do I build my…? How do I build a social…?

Sebastiaan: Life from scratch? What would you do?

Cyrus: Well, find an interest I’ve got and finds a football club or if you just said it. Those kinds of things. I’ll find a place where people have got common interests to the one I’ve got. It’s no… I don’t do well in bars or clubs which is where we on some level believe that’s where we need to be. And even broken people, they’re pretty difficult environments unless you’re there with your tribe, your clan, your mates. And if the idea is to go and find new people for me the best way of doing that is to look at all the interests I’ve got. And you might find some of the interests that you’ve gotten that you’d love to do, you don’t do. So, that’s going to open your life up in a jewel way. You’re going to actually get something that you love doing and put yourself in a situation with other people who love doing that. It gives you a hugely strong foundation to build some friendship on.

Sebastiaan: Right, right. And there’s built-in conversation in doing something that you both like doing. And if you go a bunch of times maybe the first time you’re not that comfortable, maybe the second time you’re a little bit more comfortable. If you go a bunch of times and you start doing these processes the tapping, the Breathwork, other, other things that we’ve been talking about, you’re becoming more comfortable and by the sheer act of going and having that you know, having the same experience over and over, you’re becoming more familiar with the experience. Say it’s Ultimate Frisbee where you become more familiar with the experience and you’re becoming more familiar with the people there and they’re becoming more familiar with you.

And it’s almost like inevitable that people are gonna talk to you. And you’re gonna talk to people back and things are just gonna evolve from there. You’re in a good place because you like you like it more and more. You know, you can talk about how your how you’re crap at it and you know, whatever. Yeah. That’s in my experience also the easiest way to find friends and from there you know, friendships just form. – “Hey, let’s go for lunch. Hey, we’ve got this party you’re invited. Do you want to come? You know, let’s meet for coffee or whatever”. Yeah.

Cyrus: Like if I moved to nice place which I’ve done like I’ve lived in 13 countries. Once I do that I say to the people there on the first night or the second night, I go, “I’m new in town. If there’s anything going on I’d really appreciate you giving me a call”. And now we’ve got Facebook. That stuff is so easy to do. You know, there’s a group of everything in almost every city, you know. And it may feel scary and risky but check in and think how much scary can it be by staying in this perpetual state of anxiety and trauma or and whatever the word is. You know, staying in this perpetual state of disconnection. It can’t be worse.

One thing that always comes back to me I read it on a fridge at a party when I was really drunk, and I was like, “Wow, that’s profound”. And it said, “If you keep on doing what you’ve always done, you always get what you’ve always got”. And it’s like at some point you mentioned on it before your darkness is what drives you to the light. At some point you just realized I can’t go on like this and that is the breakthrough point. Actually, for me it’s the time when I look back and I’m like, “That’s when I took control of my life”. And at the time it was like when I felt like, “Oh my God. This is to break down that moment, you know”. And that’s like so many of the people that become my teachers when I speak to my other people I’ve met personally when my teachers or I look up to as a teacher, talk about that same epiphany moment where life was just on his ass and that’s… You hit rock bottom but once you hit rock bottom you can build up from there properly. And if you don’t get down to the surface, you’re always going to build your stuff on some rocky foundations.

And that was my life for a long time until I finally going, “Okay, I need to put all my attention on this because why do I earn money to make me happy? Well, I’ve got some money and I’m not happy. So, when I forget about looking on money and just focus on what makes me happy”. And then I started to look at how to deconstruct my belief systems. And I think the fact that you’re watching this means you’re on the right path. And so, I’d really encourage you after this. Maybe that first thing I said. Sit down and write down you know, what anxiety how it feels to you if you’re familiar with it or the next time it comes up for you and write down some of your limiting belief systems about yourself.

The worst things that you believe about yourself you know and write them down and write the opposite down and then already you’re on you’ve been watching the video you’ve done those couple of things. Look online, find a group that you know if you like playing soccer if you like knitting or all room dancing or whatever it is. Look online or look in the local paper or found the council or find a group, join it and check how it feels, you know. But see the transformation that’s made. And if it feels really tough the first time, just give it a chance, be brave, go back.

Sebastiaan: It’ll get better, yeah. You know, we’re here in Ubud is the name the place we’re staying. They have a community. You know, Ubud community. If you go to a different city they have a community and you can find that on Facebook.

Cyrus: Hash House Harriers.

Sebastiaan: Yeah, Hash House Harriers for running. Right. Running and having a drink. There’s a good time. Then there are so many, many things if you just go online you find it and then you go and you… Yes, it’s gonna be uncomfortable. Use the techniques to manage it. You know, take that first step.

Cyrus: So, yeah. Just in this present moment realized that this is the point you’re gonna look back on and think, “Wow. Okay, I took control of my life then”. And whatever that journey looks like for you is going to look different to mine and it’s going to look different to Sebastiaan’s and but the one thing that it is going to be similar to, its gonna feel great. And it’s gonna allow you to reclaim your life and reconnect with the dreams that you had from a kid and write a bucket list. Write the things that you definitely want to do before you die and just stick them up on your wall and they may feel far away now but I went through my bucket list. That’s why I write a second bucket list.

Sebastiaan: Amen. Yeah, I don’t know if you actually have a website or something like that if people are interested or if you even have time but is there something…?

Cyrus: Personally, not yet. I’ve been getting around to it for ages but I’m just so busy anyways. You’ve definitely got your website. I’m listed on a number of websites. And I’d say a really good one if you start to start with because it’s just four letters is And that stands for buying that dynamic breath and trauma release dot com. And I’m on there as a practitioner and that will show you where breath workgroups are in your city or whatever. We are around the world, I’ll show you a practitioner near you.

Sebastiaan: So, Cyrus.

Cyrus: C-Y-R-U-S. Cyrus Irani. Irani with an “I” on the end. It’s been a pleasure Sebastiaan.

Sebastiaan: Nice. Thank you. So, I hope you enjoyed this. I actually have a little package put together for people just like you. If you’re suffering from social anxiety and you know you have put these limiting beliefs on the table and now you’re aware of it, you want to actually start doing something with it, right? And so, I have a social anxiety starter kit where I guide you through a whole bunch of tapping videos.

So, you… I actually teach you the technique, this is free. And I teach you the technique, give you an e-book as well where I share my story how I overcame my social anxiety, what didn’t work for me, what did work, how you can get to a place where actually free of it and where you’re just free in a moment comfortably being yourself. And so, you learn the technique. I guide you through an experience of it. I know it sounds weird but yeah, you can an experience of it. And you know, you’ll learn how you can overcome your social anxiety. And you’ll feel calm and at ease in social situations and you can get that at or you can just go to I hope you enjoyed this. I hope this was helpful and talk to you soon. Bye for now.

Cyrus: Bye – bye. Thank you.

If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!

Join me