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The Truth About Social Anxiety: You Are NOT The Problem



If you see yourself as a doubtful, worthless, not-good-enough, easily-embarrassed, horrible person, then this is for you.

As you know, I am currently running a 30-Day Challenge where I am helping hundreds of socially anxious individuals on their #JourneyToSocialConfidence.

On today’s episode, I am sharing a video which I sent to the people inside the challenge on Day 10.

Here, you will learn a powerful concept that will help you understand what is it that hinders you in becoming your TRUE self. You will also find a simple tap-along exercise that will help you release negative feelings that you may have about this.

I may do another 30-day challenge tentatively first of May. If you are interested, sign up here and you will be notified as soon as we get that rolling:


Hey, here we are. This is Sebastiaan from I’m a former Social Anxiety Disorder sufferer. I’m a Social Confidence Coach and I help people overcome their social anxiety.

We’re currently, aside from all the madness going out and going on in the world, we are running a 30-day Social Confidence Challenge. What a perfect time to start reducing your social anxiety from the comfort of your own home.

It’s closed for registration at the moment because we’re running through it and it is kicking ass. We currently have 1,600 comments. People reporting profound transformations. It’s really great. I do want to share one of the days already with you so you might have a bit of an idea of what’s going on.

Every day, I send people an email where I explain a particular concept, or I share a story with some insights or some lessons, and then we go to a video. Now this day (day 10) that I’m going to share with you I wrote an email about how I met my coach.

I have a coach. I’ve been working with her for more than 10 years. Her name is Julia. She’s amazing, the wisest woman I’ve ever met. I shared a story of how we met and how that’s been essential in my transformation. Then, we go into the video. Now, that’s what I’m going to share with you, not the email but the video. So, it starts at day 10. Let’s go look at that, or hear it if you are on podcast, right now.

Hey, here we are day number 10.

I hope you enjoyed my little email to you. It was kind of special. I’ve never introduced anyone to my coach in this way. This is how we got to meet each other. Like I said in the email, we’re still meeting every week. It’s a very special relationship. I learned a lot from Julia and a lot about that was circled around acceptance and non-judgement, a lot of spiritual concepts. Acceptance is something you’ll see in various philosophies, religious traditions, spiritual practices, as well as in psychology, because it’s a solid concept across the board.

Now, I already mentioned that when we’ve been suffering for a long time from social anxiety, we start seeing ourselves as an anxious person. I’m not someone who has a problem with social anxiety, but I’m an anxious person, and that really keeps things stuck. We want to start loosening that up, and we’re going to do that right now with some typing.

Just follow along, monkey-see-monkey-do, as we’ve done before, very easy. Step on the side of your hand, karate chop point to start. Take a deep breath in.

Close your eyes.

I just want you to think about the challenge that you have with your social anxiety. In however way you do the following is fine. But think about how connected you feel to it, how much you relate to it, how much it feels like it’s a part of you like it’s you.

You don’t necessarily need to rate it, just get a sense for it. Get a sense of it. For some people, it might be obvious, for other people not. Either is fine. Now, to see this as an experiment, and let’s see what happens. Just repeat it to me out loud.

Even though I have this social anxiety problem…

…and it really sucks.

It makes my life harder.

It makes my life smaller.

I can’t live my potential. 

And it really bothers me…

…on a day to day basis

It’s true that I have this.

I want to consider the possibility…

…of maybe trying to accept myself at some point anyway.

Even I have this social anxiety problem…

…and it seems like “I’m the problem.”

It seems like it means that “There’s something wrong with me.”

What if that’s not true?

I’m willing to consider that possibility.

Even though I have this social anxiety problem,

and it makes me feel so bad about myself.

Maybe it even makes me blame myself.

Maybe I even feel ashamed of it.

And I might even judge myself as weak or loser.

But I’m willing to consider the possibility…

…that I’m not my social anxiety.

But I’ve made the mistake…

…of associating who I am…

…with this social anxiety

I choose to look at this from a different perspective right now.

And I respect myself for doing this work.

Good. Beginning of the eyebrows. I have social anxiety.

Side of the eyes. It’s true.

Under the eyes. I admit that I experience anxiety in social situations.

Under the nose. It is also true that it really sucks.

On the chin. I might even feel ashamed about it.

Collarbone. I wish I didn’t have it.

Under the arms. It’s my secret.

Liver point. I don’t want anyone to know about it.

Wrist point. It’s so embarrassing.

Top of the head. It means that I’m a loser….

Beginning of the eyebrows. …and that I’m weak.

Side of the eyes. I hate this social anxiety.

Under the eyes. And I feel really bad about it.

Under the nose. It makes me feel bad about myself.

Chin. It makes me less than others.

Collarbone. It means there’s something wrong with me.

Under the eyes. That I’m flawed.

Liver point. I shouldn’t have social anxiety.

Wrist point. I have this annoying, difficult limiting problem.

But what if it’s not that “I am the problem”?

Beginning of the eyebrows. Social anxiety is a problem that I have.

Side of the eyes. It’s really difficult to deal with.

Under the eyes. But it’s not who I am.

Under the nose. It’s something that I have.

Chin. It might be what I have.

Collarbone. But it doesn’t define who I am.

Under the arms. I have a challenge with social anxiety

Liver point. But I’m not the challenge.

Wrist point. I’m inherently okay.

I was born inherently okay.

Top of the head. I just have this shitty challenge.

Beginning if the eyebrows. I’m okay.

Side of the eyes. I want to begin accepting myself while I have this challenge.

Under the eyes. And I can do that either quickly or more slowly.

Under the nose. I’m not sure how fast of a learner I am.

Chin. But I’m not the challenge.

Collarbone. I have a challenge

Under the arms. I now choose to separate myself from this challenge.

Liver point. I have this challenge with social anxiety…

…and I choose to accept this challenge

Top of the head. I choose to begin accepting myself while I have this challenge.

This challenge that I am separate from.

Deep breath.


Good. Close your eyes again

Now, notice how that sits with you. Notice how that feels to you. Notice what’s different.

Then, just open your eyes.

This is the beginning. Maybe this is a profound shift for you. If so, awesome. I’m very happy for you.

This is part of the acceptance journey. We’re going to take that to the next level tomorrow with my whiteboard presentation. Well, that was actually what is going to happen the next day. We’ll just cut it off here. As I wasn’t going to say much interesting stuff anymore for you.

I hope this has been helpful. Now, if you want to register for a potential (I’m not 100% sure that that’s going to happen) but a potential next social confidence challenge which we may run in May, you can go to that is

Then we run another one, you’ll be the first to know about it, you’ll automatically be signed up. Right? So, hope you’re hanging in there. All the madness going on outside. Tap to release your feeling, to drop the excessive worry. I hope you’re enjoying your time inside, I am at least. Alright, hopefully you are good. I’ll connect with you next week again. Bye for now.

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