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In today’s episode, Sebastiaan will be talking in detail about the beginning stages and their action steps to go from one stage to the next and the next.
Go watch the full video now!
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See you on the inside!
THE FIVE STAGES TO SOCIAL CONFIDENCE
There are five stages to go from social anxiety to effortless social confidence.
In this video, I’m going to talk about these five stages.
Hey, my name is Sebastian van der Schrier. I’m a former social anxiety disorder sufferer [and] social confidence coach. I have been coaching people to overcome their social anxiety since 2009. I’m a former social anxiety disorder sufferer myself and I run a podcast called Social Anxiety Solutions.
Now, what are these five stages?
I’m going to bring in the whiteboard, and we’ll get into it right away.
All right, here we have the whiteboard.
I’ve actually never talked about this on my YouTube channel, just inside the 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge.
That’s actually where you’re going to get this in more detail.
But I first want to go over these stages.
Now these stages, I’ve been able to get to as a result of observing my own journey and guiding lots of clients and observing the people inside my Social Confidence Club where I guide them through the stages.
STAGE ZERO: Build hope
When you’re at stage zero,
And it is a dark place. There might be a slight sliver of hope but there isn’t much of it.
And it really seems like this is part of you.
This is you, you’re a socially anxious person. And this just is the way it is for you. And there’s just nothing you can do about it.
When you’re at that stage, stage zero, you need to build hope in order to move to the next stage.
Well, how do you build hope?
Well, you do that in six [action] steps.
These six [action] steps are:
Action Step #1: Know what social anxiety really is.
No, it’s not what you think it is. Usually, unless you’ve been following this channel for a while, you probably have a good idea of what it actually is.
Action Step #2: Know why you’re suffering with it, what emotional health is, [and] what social ease is.
Action Step #3: Understand how you can use tapping to overcome it completely.
Action Step #4: Experience the shift. You are going to feel better. You are going to have some actual results.
Action Step #5: Know the five common reasons why people struggle to overcome their social anxiety, even with a tool like tapping.
Action Step #6: Know these five stages.
Now, when you have all of these six, you’re going to feel more hopeful, you’re going to build some hope.
And that then moves you into…
STAGE ONE: Reducing your suffering
Now, to go from social anxiety to social confidence is not going to happen overnight – it’s going to be a journey.
There’s a whole bunch of stuff that you need to learn.
There’s a whole bunch of things that you need to apply.
And so since it’s not going to be gone overnight, you need to have the tools and resources in the mindset in order to instantly reduce your suffering.
So that’s what stage one is all about.
Now, at stage one, we want to reduce your suffering.
Now, where are you at stage one? If you’re at stage one…
Now, what do you need to do at that stage?
Well, [overcoming] social anxiety is a journey – it’s not going to happen overnight.
And because you’re going to continue to deal with this problem for a period of time, you want to minimize the problem.
In other words, you want to minimize your suffering.
How do you do that? We do it in four [action] steps.
Action Step #1: Understand the journey and optimally prepare for it.
And that means you’re going to learn a couple of things about the journey itself.[Like…]
– Things to do.
– Things not to do.
– How to speed things up.
– What to avoid in order to slow your progress dow?
– What to do when you get stuck?
– How to build your motivation when it drops?
In other words, those kinds of things about the journey.
It’s step one.
Action Step #2: Understand your psychology, thinking, and emotions.
Most people do not really understand how to handle that.
What it really is and how to deal with it?
When you understand that,
– you’re going to feel more empowered,
– you’re going to have more control.
– you’re going to have the ability to calm yourself down and not freak yourself out too much.
And that’s going to significantly reduce your suffering.
Action step #3: Learn some simple tapping techniques.
Action Step #4: Apply these simple tapping techniques.
They are super, super simple.
And when you apply them, especially along with these mindsets in psychological understandings and understanding of the journey.
That’s going to reduce your suffering significantly.
That then moves you into…
STAGE 2: Building momentum
Now here at this stage,
– You’ve actually already reduced some of your anxiety.
– And you definitely don’t feel so bad anymore.
– So you’re not beating yourself up so much anymore.
– You’ve built some self-compassion.
– You’re more accepting of the anxiety when it comes up.
– Anxiety starts to leave faster.
– and you feel a bit more in control.
– And definitely, even more, hopeful than before because you’ve gotten even more results.
Now, you’re at stage two build momentum.
At this stage, you’re still suffering – you’re still dealing with social anxiety and it’s still pretty bad.
And so it really sucks.
What you want to do here is you want to get your subconscious on board with the change that you’re about to make.
Because at this moment, you’re having a lot of up and down in your level of motivation.
“Yeah, I feel like it, I’m going do it. But oh, man, I didn’t want to do this tapping”, “[I] will watch some Netflix”, and “by the way, I’ve got a lot of homework to do”, “I don’t have time for it now”. “Fifteen minutes? Geez! No, I really can’t do that”.
And you come up with excuses and you sabotage yourself.
So here, you need to build momentum in order to move on to the next stage.
And so what you want to do in order to get to that place, is simply a couple of action steps.
Action Step #1: Learn how to get lasting results.
It helps you understand why you’ve not been able to get results in the past.
And you [will] know what to do instead – to get lasting permanent results.
Action Step#2: Create a state of certainty.
“I can and will overcome my social anxiety”.
Because if you believe that you cannot or will not overcome it, you have low motivation, you take little action, which leads to mediocre results at best.
And that thing kind of perpetuates the belief that you cannot overcome it.
Whereas when you shift that belief inside, which you can do with tapping, you get to a place where you’re like, “I can and [I] will overcome this. Oh my god!”.
Now you have lots of energy to change.
Now you’re building momentum.
And that’s what you need in order to, succeed at this journey.
By the way, there are different levels of succeeding. I’ll get to that. Maybe at the end of this video.
Action Step #3: Set a realistic goal and align with it
What does that mean align with it?
It means get your subconscious on board with it. Get your subconscious to be a ‘yes’ to that change.
But even though consciously, you want to be at ease, you want to freely express yourself, tell stories – if you’re a storyteller, make jokes – if you’re a joker, express what is true for you and be your true self around others.
Your subconscious, like, “no, no, that’s dangerous” for reason, XYZ.
So here at step three, you get your subconscious on board with that goal.
Action step #4: You destroy any remaining blocks to social confidence
You consciously and subconsciously align with the goal that you want.
So [for example], [this is] a famous [illustration]: The Iceberg.
10% [of it] makes up your conscious mind and 90-95% is your subconscious mind.
Now, here [in your conscious mind], look how little power you have.
If you want to go [to] the [right] direction, but your subconscious [will be] like “No, no, we’re staying right here”.
Guess where are you going? You’re not going anywhere.
So these four steps [will help you] to have alignment.
So that, [in your conscious mind] you’re a “yes” [to social confidence].
And [in your subconscious], you’re no longer a “no” to social confidence.
So, boom! That moves you to…
STAGE 3: Reducing your social anxiety.
Now at this stage, you’ve already made some progress [again].
Because often, there’s anxiety associated to change.
And you’ve dealt with this anxiety associated with the change.
At stage three..
– You’re now feeling already lighter,
– You’re feeling more optimistic,
– You’re feeling more hopeful,
– You have made shifts inside,
– You’ve already reduced the anxiety, a bit,
– You’re managing better,
– You’re suffering less.
– And now, you’re starting to feel quite a bit more hopeful.
And in order to move from stage 3 to the next stage which is stage 4: Building Confidence.
You need to take four particular action steps.
Action Step #1: Stop beating yourself up.
And there are particular techniques to do that – to stop that so that you’re no longer doing that.
Action Step #2: Make the anxiety leave faster.
There are specific exercises to do that.
Action Step #3: Decrease your overall anxiety.
There’s a particular action step – a tapping guided action step, to get to that place.
Action Step #4: Eliminate your social anxiety triggers.
There’s a specific formula – a specific strategy in order to do that.
By going through these steps, you then move to…
STAGE 4: Building Confidence.
I’m going to actually leave out stage four and stage five because I want to inspire you to actually join the [30 Day] Social Confidence Challenge.
Because step four, [which is] building confidence [will lead] into stage five, [which is] effortless social ease.[Stage 5] has a couple of action steps underneath it, as well.
And I’ll detail those more inside the challenge.
And I’ll go into more detail of these.
And the exciting thing about social confidence challenges, you’re actually going to move through these steps.
I’m guiding you through the steps.
I’m taking you by the hand.
I’m leading you to go from wherever you are, even if you’re already in stage three, or stage four, even, you’re going to make progress.
And you’re going to get further along this journey to social ease.
And that is very exciting.
And that feels really good.
And it’s simple.
You just you get an email from me in the morning, you read it at the end of that email.
By the way, it’s an entertaining email, not a boring email.
I tell stories of my own life.
I tell stories of my clients who have made transformations, and you’ll recognize your own issues in it.
And you’ll get insights on how to make progress on your issues.
You’ll get insights that will help you feel better.
That will help you feel more hopeful.
That [will] help you feel more confident.[That will] help you feel less upset about yourself.
And then at the end of that video is a simple tapping video.
And that combination day by day is going to move you from stage to stage.
And however far you get depends.
What I didn’t say yet, which I’m also going to cover inside the [30 Day] Social Confidence
Challenge is that there are 21 milestones along this journey.
So as you start walking this path, you’re going to have accomplishments.
They’re not really accomplishments.
They’re like, milestones, right?
You hit them at some point.
For example, you’ll notice not beating myself up so much anymore. That’s a milestone.
You notice that there’s a particular situation in which you used to feel anxious, and no longer being anxious in that moment. In that situation. You’re like, “where is it? oh my god!”. That’s a milestone.
When anxiety doesn’t stick around for that long anymore. That’s a milestone.
When your overall anxiety decreases, that’s a milestone.
Etc, etc, etc…
So there are 21 of those.
And I covered those inside the [30 Day] Social Confidence Challenge, as well.
So this bit of teaser, yeah, I know.
And I’m doing that on purpose.
Come join [us]! This is going to be life-transforming.
Don’t miss out on this.
So to join, if you haven’t already, go to bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge that is, bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge.
You can join completely anonymously. Nobody will ever know that you’ve joined it or you can fully participate in the comment section.
And get that sense of community as we’re working together towards the same outcome of social ease.
It’s going to be very empowering, unlike anything you’ve ever tried, anywhere else.
There’s nothing like this out there and it’s going to rock your world.
So, come join [us at] bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge.
See you there!
Have a good one.
Bye for now.