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The 5 Stages To Effortless Social Ease



In this episode, Sebastiaan will be discussing the up and down journey to overcome your Social Anxiety and the 5 Stages to effortless social ease.


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There are five stages to go from Social Anxiety, all the way to effortless social ease/ social confidence. 

Hey! My name is Sebastiaan. I’m from I’m a former social anxiety disorder sufferer, and I’ve been a social confidence coach for 12 plus years. 

And because I’ve been doing this so long, and I had to overcome my social anxiety, I’ve been able to map out visually how to go from social anxiety to social confidence. 

And this video, well… the video that you’re about to see that I’ve taken from the 30-day challenge that we’re currently running (we only run that once a year, it’s closed for registration). But I’ve taken this video out of it because it’s so powerful. And I thought it was very helpful to show to everyone, not just the people inside the challenge. 

So in that video, I demonstrate the five stages. And I cut out a little bit of the beginning of the video. And in that video, I’m basically saying, Hey, guys, if you’re still here on day 16, congratulations, that’s awesome, you’re a persistent person. 

And that’s necessary because it’s kind of an up and down journey. 

Then, I go into demonstrating it like this. 


Here’s a little graph. Alright? 

So, this is the Length of Time (LOT). And this is the Amount of Progress. Let’s call that the AOP. 

Now, this is where you’re at right now. Or actually, this is where you started 16 days ago. 

And this is where you want to be = Goal. 

Now, how long is the length of time is? We don’t know. 

For some people, it’ll be three months. 

For other people, it will be three years. 

And we don’t know where you’re at, and how long it’s going to take. 

But a lot of people think ‘Ah, okay, well, I’m here right now. And I want to go there. So I’ll just do these exercises. And it’s going to be a matter of hop. Okay, one straight road. Easy. We’ll get there.’ Well, it’s not like that. 

Sorry, I hate to bring it to you. But it’s more like this. 

It’s not a straight upward curve – Progress. Progress. Progress. 

No, it’s rather like this. 

You begin and you make some progress – Whoa, this is really cool. You plateau a little bit, you make some more progress, then you only make a tiny bit of progress over time. And you’ve got a big breakthrough. Whoa, this feels so good, blah, blah, you plateau for a while. And then it seems like you’ve got a setback. And you’re all upset. You’re like, oh, no, this is but you use that “setback”, which it isn’t. It’s just a healing opportunity. It’s a time where something that was lurking underneath the surface is now being revealed, ready for you to tap on, to heal, to move past, so you have more resilience, more strength, more solidness inside, so you actually move past it. 

And boom, you surpass where you were before. 

And then you make some progress, you fall back, you make some progress, you plateau, blah, blah, blah, blah. 

And then… 

So eventually, you get to your goal.

And this is just an example. Right? But it’s not linear. So it’s an up and down journey. 

Knowing that, understanding that, makes it so that when you’re plateauing for a while you’re not upset. 

When you’re making big progress like this, you celebrate it, but you also know it’s like okay, that’s just part of the journey. 

When you have a “setback”. 

Okay, SB = setback is not an SB but it is a HO = a healing opportunity. Yeah, we love those. Even though they feel really shit. But they are amazing because they’re amazing healing opportunities. 

But you might be out of sorts for a while, you might feel worse for a couple of days.

I’ve reported some of my setbacks on my YouTube channel, as well, you know, while I was in it, and I’m feeling really crappy right now, and you know, blah, blah, blah, miserable

But I know from experience that because I’ve gone through this before this is a fantastic healing opportunity. 


What I do I work through it if I can work through it, you know, I’m, I mean, I’m seeing my coach every week and my mentor every now and then and so I’ll run through them like hey, help me deal with this. 

So, I’ll do whatever I need to do in order to turn that “setback” into a healing opportunity. So I know that I’m making more so making bigger progress. 

So you’ve got that on your journey. And then, you make progress, you plateau for a little bit, etc. 

And sometimes, you’re plowing away for like, a month of tapping, you only make like 5% progress or 10% progress – celebrate that! That’s part of a journey. 

Sometimes a lot of little tapping, work that you do is step by step releasing a particular resistance, that then unlocks the opportunity to make big progress. 

So here, this might be a period of, I don’t know, a month, who knows, and you’re only making tiny progress. And you’re like, Well, I’m not sure how well this is working for me, and it seems like I’ve hit a plateau and maybe I can break through and all of a sudden bomb, you have a big breakthrough. 

So that means you just got to keep going, you got to keep going, you got to just trust the process, celebrate all the little victories, and just keep going. 

So, it’s an up-and-down journey. So that’s one thing I wanted to show you. 

Then the second thing I want to show you… also, that’s the thing I’ve never really addressed, or at least not in this way it is…so this is the journey, right? That’s the road of course. 

And then here, these are the stages. 

Stage zero, stage one, stage two, stage three, stage four, and stage five. So it’s six stages. 

But you know, you start in stage zero. And stage zero is where you’re building hope

So this is actually where you’re in your suffering, where your social anxiety is really bad, you don’t know what to do. And you know, you have no solution, you tried facing your fears, change your thought nothing works or only minimal progress. 

You’re kinda on the journey. But you know, it’s not great. 

And then there are a couple of action steps in order to go from stage zero to stage one. 

So you need to: 

1. understand what SA is and why you’re suffering with it — what it really is. Your brain perceives a threat and activates a fight-flight-freeze response, which results in these symptoms that put your whole system in survival mode in order to deal with the threat that your brain is perceiving. 

2. Knowing that that’s one thing. Why are you’re having that problem? The five reasons why people fail. 

3. What are effortless social ease and mental health? What is it really? We’ve gone over that. 

4. What’s the blueprint to social confidence? You got to learn to tap. 

5. And then you got to get proof/ evidence that you can make progress. You got to get proof that tapping is a real thing. 

6. And you got to experience a shift. A big one or a small one doesn’t really matter. 

And all of this moves you from the goal of state zero is building hope

So tick all these boxes, and now you’ve built hope.

We’ve gone through a lot of these steps already in the past 16 days.

In order to get you to stage two, stage two is to stop your suffering

You move out of state zero or in stage one. That’s the goal to stop your suffering. 

One of the steps is accepting where you’re at. Right? Acceptance. We’ve gone partly into that already. 

You have more two, three, whatever however many steps it checks the box, check the box, check the box, and you stop your suffering. 

Actually, you reduce your suffering, but stopping your suffering sounds a lot better. 

And then you get to the next stage, which is to build super momentum. And this is where we’ll be talking about overcoming subconscious resistance. So your subconscious is no longer holding you back from what you consciously want = effortless social ease. 

And this is where you understand the journey. 

So this is actually part of that stage. 

You have the rocket fuel to keep going. 

Now again, this is again, a couple of steps, a couple of steps in order to get there, check, check, check, and you move to the next one, check, check, check, and you move to the next one. 

So stage three, here’s where you start reducing your social anxiety

And then here is where you’re building rock-solid confidence. 

And then here, at the last stage, is where you’re creating effortless social ease. 

And so let’s tick this, then achieve this, etc. 

Now, it’s not exactly as linear as that. But it’s pretty much like that. 

And then, as you’re going through these steps, you’re starting to achieve particular milestones. 

So milestones, for example, are experiencing a shift. You’ve already checked that milestone. 

Another shift another milestone, another milestone in developing self-compassion. 

Another milestone is no longer beating yourself up. 

Another milestone is no longer feeling anxious in a particular social situation that you used to be anxious in.

Another milestone is anxiety-dissolving a lot faster than we used to. 


There are actually 21 of them going to go into at the end of the challenge. 

So as you can see, it’s a visual path. Right? 

Now, the last drawing of my beautiful art is this. Maybe you can guess what this is? I hope you can. 

What is this? It’s a mountain. 

So you’re here, and you got to climb up that mountain. So it’s going to be challenging, you’re gonna have some challenges along the way. 

But where you’re at right now, right here, is a lot more challenging, than not going on the journey. 

So this is actually a beautiful journey to go on. Because you’re learning about yourself. You’re healing emotional wounds, you’re starting to find out who you really are. 

It sounds cheesy, but you’re discovering a lot more of yourself and you’re shedding these beliefs that are just nonsense – that are not true. 

And you’re updating your system. 

Windows 95 is out. There’s nothing wrong with your computer, but you’re running old software. Even the best computer doesn’t run very well on Windows 95. So you got to update that stuff. 

So that’s what you’re doing. 

And that’s challenging sometimes but it’s worth it. It’s so worth it. 

And then the last thing I wanted to say is S+A = Study + Action study plus action, just studying won’t get you there. This is not a logical problem. 

Study+ Action means you study you take action so you learn more tapping and how to apply it. You learn more come a concept and you take some action. 

And through that, you’re on the journey. You’re On the path. 

And it’s just like studying for something or the example I gave with learning salsa

before. You’re probably so annoyed with me talking about Salsa all the time, but it’s my passion, I love it. 

So you need to learn more, you need to do more and through doing so you will figure out what it is that you don’t know yet, where you’ve got gaps, where you need assistance, where you need to put more focus. 

Often, we don’t know what it is that we need to know that we don’t know yet. 

But it will become clear. 

I bet you’ve learned a few things already in the past 16 days that you didn’t even know that you needed to know. 

There’s a lot more like that. 

I’m just giving you an overview.

And the overview that I’m giving you these 30 days, I’ve taken a long time to be able to put that together. 

And by the way, a lot of this, I’ve just taken from other areas, other areas of therapy, a lot of it is from my coach, a lot of it is from my mentor, a lot of it is from the top people in the tapping world or neuro-linguistic programming world. 

And I tried on these concepts, I tried on these ideas. And I have taken it to the social anxiety realm because I’ve worked just with socially anxious clients for the past 10 years. 

And I have my own journey to overcome this. 

So I had to test all these things. 

And I saw what worked over and over and over. And that’s why I’ve been able to kind of make it more visual and say, Well, everyone needs this. This is a requirement. Everyone needs acceptance. Everyone needs self-compassion. Everyone needs to release their resistance. Everyone needs to have fuel along the journey. Everyone needs to understand the journey. Unless you want to suffer big time and make it last make it take a lot longer. 

These are all ways to shortcut the journey. 

So so there you go. Alright! That’s the end of my little presentation there.

So I hope this is helpful for you. And I hope that it is clear for you. These are the concepts, for the first time producing visually. So so there you go. 

I’m quite excited about it. I think it’s pretty clear, but you know, I’m not for sure. 

So in the comment section below, put down an insight that you had that is going to help you or that is helping you after this presentation. Or a particular question that you have specifically about this. About the journey to social anxiety. Or just give me a high five emoji that you are on the path. Okay? 


Alright, so go ahead and write that in the comment section. And subscribe if you want more information like this. 

And if you’re interested in joining the Social Confidence Club, where we’re actually walking through these five steps, these five stages, and all the steps underneath it together as a team as a group, then register for the early announcement list by going to 

We only open once a year and that is mid-February, we’re going to most likely sell out all the spots. 

So if you want to secure your spot, or at least be informed as one of the earliest ones go

Alright! Looking forward to what you write down in the comment section. 

Bye for now.

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