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When suffering from Social Anxiety, you often feel unworthy and alone.
But YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS JOURNEY.
We are here for you.
And most of all, we support each others’ JourneyToSocialEase.
And in this episode, I have interviewed Felicia, who was a member of our Social Confidence Community in 2018.
Felicia shared her experiences on her JourneyToSocialEase, most specifically what obstacles she had faced, what learning she unleashed, and what benefits she had gained.
Sit back, relax, and be inspired to start your Journey to Social Ease.
Note: The Social Confidence Club is currently closed for registration.
If you’re interested to join, pre-register using the link below and you will be notified as soon as enrollment starts.
I have something special coming up for you.
It’s an interview with someone who suffered from Severe Social Anxiety, who has made a tremendous transformation. Her name is Felicia, and you’re about to hear my interview with her.
My name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier. I’m a former Social Anxiety sufferer and a Social Confidence Coach. Since 2009, I’ve solely been coaching people with Social Anxiety; I’ve overcome my own Social Anxiety. And in 2018, I ran the first-ever Social Confidence Community. And Felicia is someone who went through that community.
What that community entailed? We’ve talked about it briefly in the interview. It’s unedited. Just raw.
The only thing I want to say is that at some point in the interview, I’ve talked about the Social Confidence Community, that I might do another one in the future? And that has since happened because this interview is from a year and a half ago.
So, enjoy the interview. It’s very inspiring. It’s awesome. You’re going to love this.
We since created a Social Confidence Club, which is at the moment close for registration. But in the future, it’s going to go open for registration.
I’m showing you this interview at this time because we’re close to starting the 30-Day Social Confidence Challenge, which is really awesome.
This is to inspire you to get these kinds of results for yourself. And the best way to kick that off is with a FREE 30-day Social Confidence Challenge, which starts on January 1, 2021.
Spread the word. Join by going to bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge
Without further ado, enjoy the interview with Felicia. Here we go.
Seb: Hello, my name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier. I’m a former Social Anxiety Sufferer and a Social Confidence coach. I do a podcast. I have a YouTube channel. And last year, I ran the first-ever Social Confidence Community. It consisted of a drip-fed content piece, a forum, a live webinar piece, and the drip-fed content was the members would get tapping lessons sent the forum was where everyone could talk about it and ask questions. And the live webinars were where I would take people to the front, ask them what’s your biggest social anxiety issue, and I would just work with them, whatever it was, and everyone watching would just follow along and tap along.
That was the concept. We ran that for 10 – 11 months, something like that. And it was great. People loved it. And I have Felicia here, who I’m going to ask some questions. So welcome. Thanks for being here.
Felicia: Thank you
Seb: I said to you earlier that we’re going to do this in my usual very professional, informal way. So I’ve written down my questions; I will just fire it off.
Can you maybe explain how your Social Anxiety was before the community started?
Felicia: I know this wasn’t the case for many people in the community, but I know for me, particularly, it was pretty rough.
Seb: What kind of situations would you experience? How intense would it get?
Felicia: It would be pretty bad. For me, it’s strangers, like people I truly didn’t know, walking up and trying to talk to me that never went well. I was getting a lot of physical symptoms like it was hard for me to breathe. Like my throat would start closing up things like that.
Seb: Yeah. And how would you talk to yourself when that would happen?
Felicia: It was kind of “I wasn’t really overthinking” at that moment. While it was happening, I would just kind of freeze and kind of be a statue.
Felicia: Afterward, I got pretty down with myself, but I think before this, it was really hard to put a label on what was happening to me.
Seb: Because you weren’t aware of what was going on?
Felicia: No. I think, my entire life as a kid, I was diagnosed with ADHD, and then they undiagnosed me. I left three or four months before the community started. So then I was like, “So what’s wrong with me?” even though I was trying to figure out.
Seb: Then, what is it? And what was most difficult about your Social anxiety experience?
Felicia: Definitely just being in situations where I don’t know if I should be myself or just going to parties or seeing friends. That was a struggle. It was like, I have a couple of other friends that also have Social Anxiety, and we can really relate to each other. But besides that, it’s really hard to get somebody to understand what you’re going through.
Seb: Yes, it’s a very common experience. I hear a lot of this. It’s this big secret. We’re all supposed to get that kind of stuff.
Seb: How long have you been dealing with Social Anxiety?
Felicia: I want to say, pretty much most of my life.
Seb: Yeah. And were there things you tried before to try to get rid of it?
Felicia: I did. I took medication. And it never worked out well until recently.
Actually, as soon as I got off all the medications I had before, and then I started a new one for anxiety. That didn’t work out.
And then, I also didn’t know what was wrong with me. It was hard to find ways to cope with a lot of just negativity.
Seb: Yeah. And when you stopped on medication, and you started one particular medication. When was that?
Felicia: I started it. I think it was around the same time that the community started. But what happened was that it had a little hill where it would make me have more anxiety for two weeks. And I think that part was so intense that I just kind of called it off.
And then I started doing it again. I think after the community ended. It’s really been helpful. And I think a lot of it has been because I’ve done so much work now that having the extra emotional help, I’m able to combine the two.
Seb: Well, whatever gets the job done. That’s what my mentor would say.
And before it did, did you know about tapping already or not?
Felicia: I think I saw a video of yours a long, long time ago when I was 16 years old. And I think I subscribed to the email list. And then, way back in the day, when I know you had previous communities or not communities, Or previous self-help modules, what do they call?
Seb: Yeah, I had a previous product. Social Confidence System.
Felicia: Yeah. So I think what happened was, actually a long time ago, I bought it. But then the second email will come with a link, and then the email never came. And then I was too nervous to ask about it.
Seb: Oh, wow.
Felicia: So I think eventually, I was kind of lost. So when I found the email for the Social Confidence Community. I guess I’ll try this out.
Seb: It’s always fascinating to hear how people find out about me because it’s not typically the first thing people go to. We’re becoming more popular now. Because tapping is so effective, it’s rapidly gaining popularity, but it’s still not number one yet.
Was there an obstacle that would have almost prevented you from saying yes to the community? By going for it?
What I mean by that is, before you actually decided to go for it. And sign up. Were there thoughts you were having in your mind that almost made you say, ‘No, I’m not going to do this?’
Felicia: The only thing I think, part of it was there was no set date on when it would end. And then, at the same time, we were being charged monthly. Because I’m young and I work a minimum wage job. How long can I keep it up?
Seb: Yeah. Okay.
Now we have a bit of a setup; I know your obstacles and what your problems were. So you would freeze in situations and particularly where.
What was your worst Social Anxiety scenario? Was it at work? Was that at school? Or where was that?
Felicia: Work for sure. Because it was kind of weird, I always felt so grateful and so blessed in all my previous jobs because I always just really got along well with the people around me, which wasn’t the case anywhere else.
And then what happened was, I switched to this job at a coffee shop. And it changed everything. So, I wasn’t getting along with the people. All the customers were coming in, making me super anxious, and nothing was going well.
Seb: Yeah, you were the barista, right?
Seb: Yeah, I remember. So would you have anticipatory anxiety prior to going to work? Or would it just show up at work?
Felicia: Both. It was pretty rough.
Seb: All right. And then, we did the community, and what was the biggest benefit you gained from that?
Felicia: I feel more like I could just sit with myself more. I don’t have so many racing emotions, where it’s too complicated. Just to be comfortable in my own skin.
Seb: That’s great.
Felicia: And I think like, definitely, is also started, like, kind of a positive chain. We’re like, okay, I did this. And even after the community ended, I still feel like I have tools to keep working, and keep getting to a place I really want to be.
Seb: Nice. That’s awesome. Great. Cool.
And a somewhat similar question, but I’m going to milk this for what it’s worth.
What are your overall results after the community? What has changed? How’s your Social Anxiety now? How’s your social ease now?
Felicia: Actually, I like that question better.
Definitely, physical symptoms are pretty much almost gone, which is a huge, huge thing. And I definitely feel like, if this were before the community assessment, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I definitely wouldn’t be able to put my thoughts into words, as well as I can now.
Seb: Yeah, that’s awesome. That’s spectacular. Right? That’s a massive transformation. It
Felicia: It really is. It really is.
Seb: Cool. And how do you feel when you’re in a social situation now?
Felicia: It really is more easeful. That’s a good word to describe it.
I’m not overthinking it. And I’m not too worried about my own physical reactions, even my movements, how I’m going to respond to whatever they’re saying, how I’m going to talk with my hands or whatever.
I can just say what comes to mind.
Seb: Okay, great. So it’s no longer these pre-planned calculative, I can only say this, I shouldn’t say that kind of thing anymore.
Felicia: Or at least the rules have loosened a little bit.
Seb: Yeah. I’m also trying to interview people now that haven’t fully made that transformation yet, because some people who are new to my work or new to tapping for Social Anxiety. They might see testimonials, someone who’s completely free of the problem and totally at ease, and everything’s great. And it’s too far from their reality to fathom that that can even be possible.
So even people who have made it like who have made it much better than before, but maybe not completely where you want to be, that’s maybe easier to get for them.
And so, I want to see if I can interview what different stages. It’s a bit harder to get them on the call. But it even is with the other ones. But anyway, I appreciate that you’re doing this. This is very nice, thank you.
Okay, let’s go on to all my other questions.
Has it been worth the money you’ve invested? Because, like you said, a minimum wage earner?
Felicia: I think so. For me, unfortunately, it’s a big problem. One of the biggest problems I have to overcome (my Social Anxiety). And it’s been that way for a long time. So to finally find something that works, it’s great.
Seb: Nice. And was it a painful process?
Felicia: Well, I mean, if you’re talking about physical pain, no, not at all.
But, I would say it does take a lot of time. So it was hard to manage that. And it feels good to let go of negative energy.
But I also think what would happen is some days; sometimes it can get worse after tapping because you haven’t completely gone through the process, and you’re running out of time or something.
Sometimes, to feel those painful emotions come up is a little bit uncomfortable. But that’s the closest it gets too painful.
Seb: Yeah. And what I want to say to that is:
For one, sometimes you kind of tap on the more surface thingies. And then you uncover what was actually underneath. And now you’ve tuned in to a deeper emotional wound, which is actually ripe for healing, but experiencing that, it’s quite uncomfortable.
But I don’t want to put things in your mouth, but my experience is. It’s not to the degree that you can handle it. Right?
Seb: Yeah. So it’s somewhat uncomfortable, but it’s emotions you feel on a day to day basis, in moments that you don’t want to feel it anyway. And now you’re actually bringing them up, and you have them the tools to work through them.
Felicia: And it feels nice to just feel like you have a sense of control. Because many times are being around a lot of people and you feel like these things are happening and you don’t want them to, but to purposely bring it up for healing makes you feel more comfortable with yourself.
Seb: Yeah, Exactly. Taking control of your inner world, in a way, which is, which is nice, especially if you’re used to not having any control whatsoever. And things just happen to you, and emotions are just coming you don’t know what to do with them. And it’s all over the place. And it can be quite an overwhelming experience.
When you learn how to tap in the right way, and I mean, we’ve also gone over quite a lot of your inner psychology and how it all works. And when you have these particular mindsets in the right place, you become quite skillful at managing your own emotional state.
Man, I should interview myself. I was interviewing you. Stop talking too much, Seb.
What’s something that you learned from the community that stands out? That’s very helpful to you today?
Felicia: I can’t think of a good answer for that off the top of my head. I think I would need a minute.
Seb: I’ll put it on the back burner in case it comes up and come up. If not, it’s fine. It was actually not on my list. I just thought about it, Probably not my last question.
What specifically did you like most about the community?
Felicia: I think I really did like the thought that there were other people in the webinars telling their story. So it did feel personal in the way, and it was kind of like a half community where it’s online so, you’re not worried about presenting yourself, which is very important for social anxiety. Yeah, I kind of like comfortable around people but then not have to worry about how you’re reacting to them.
Seb: In the first five months or so, the forum was quite active, and we really started to get to know each other quite well. And I really had the sense of we’re all in this together, and a sense of community, yet you can remain anonymous. So it’s a special kind of setup. And I think very helpful for people with social anxiety.
What are the three other benefits of the community?
Felicia: Three other benefits?
The information was very helpful.
I’m pretty intellectual. I like learning. I think I’ve just enjoyed the Psychology part of it, as well as being ‘Okay, I’m getting a better understanding of myself and why I’m in this position.’ That was really helpful.
Another thing. I didn’t really go on the forum too much. Because there was a problem with a password, I fixed it eventually, later on. But from what I did see, there were people who were just talking about everything; it wasn’t just about tapping; it was about they would actually introduce other things that helped them, like books and things like that.
Seb: Exactly. So mutual sharing. Cool.
Well, actually, I’m not running the community anymore. At the moment, I’m doing some other things. And I’m thinking of putting something else together that is somewhat similar to it. So I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from everyone. And so I might run an improved version in a different format, somewhere in the future, but it’s actually quite a lot of work to manage it behind the scenes.
So let’s just say I have a holiday for a while.
But would you recommend the community in the way that you’ve experienced it?
Felicia: I would. I like it.
Felicia: It was extremely helpful. It really started things for me. The goal was, you want to be free of it by the end. But I think you also truly like to work that much harder to get everything you could from it because it was in your head.
Seb: Awesome. Great. That was pretty much it. Is there anything else that you’d like to add?
Seb: Great. Awesome. Okay, well, then, I just want to say, thank you very much, one, for being part of the community, that was really cool. And for two, doing this little interview really helps people to see that, “hey, there’s actually something that can help me overcome this problem” because most people don’t really feel that they can overcome it.
Also, because of the recommended approaches that are out there (i.e., change your thoughts), they change their thoughts and feel a little bit better, but then they go out into the real world, and their anxiety triggers them just as hard.
Or they face their fears, and they get temporary results, or they do hypnosis things, and that doesn’t work. And they try all these things. They try something, get their hopes up, it’s going to work, it’s going to work, and then it doesn’t work. And it’s like, “this doesn’t work.”
I try another thing. And again, they get their hopes up, and it doesn’t work again. And now they get more and more skeptical. And they start to feel like, man, I can never overcome this. Like, different people that I interview, and, I give them before the story, they’re after story.
And they can tell these are real people that I’m interviewing, this is you, you’re not an actor, other people that I’ve interviewed, they’re not actors, these are real people who had real problems, and now it’s a lot better, or they don’t even have the problem anymore. And yet, it’s still difficult for people to believe that they can make that transformation. And they think they’re the toughest case ever.
What would you say to them?
Felicia: I would say it’s definitely hard because I feel like this is more still a developing field trying to help these people. It was something that definitely wasn’t focused on. It’s like such an almost, I don’t want to say small, but I’m not sure how many people are affected by this, because nobody talks about it.
So I think like, there’s still so much to dive in that people are still doing stuff. That’s still trial and error.
Felicia: So I mean, I could testify, it works.
Seb: Good. Good. Thank you for that, by the way. I think it’s 8% of the population that is diagnosed with Social Anxiety Disorder in the US. And that’s the ones that are diagnosed.
It also takes an average of 10 years for people to reach out for help for social anxiety. Jesus 10 years, that’s a long, long time. And then I’m not even talking about all the people that don’t reach out for help because they don’t believe that it will work or they’re too ashamed of their problem.
My estimation is that it’s probably 40 or 50% of the population that’s dealing with this problem to various degrees. So yeah, it’s a massive problem.
Anyway, let’s not get too depressed about things there are solutions that do work, as you can see, and the future’s looking bright. So thank you again, very much, really appreciate it. And we’ll be in touch.
– End of Interview –
All right. I hope you loved that as much as I loved seeing it back. It was really cool to see it again.
Felicia, if you’re watching this, thank you very much again.
And if you’re watching this, and you want to start getting rid of your social anxiety, finally, then join me for the 30-day social confidence challenge on January 1, 2021. It’s going to be amazing.
Every day, you’re going to get a quick email and a quick video with a tap along, guided instruction, lots of new, specific strategies to neutralize your social anxiety, get rid of the limiting beliefs, learn to develop a better relationship with yourself, start to reduce it, eradicate that inner voice that’s nagging at you all the time. This is going to be a super powerful 30-Day Challenge.
You’re going to love it. It’s totally free.
So, register now by going to bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge
And leave a comment below. What kind of comment? Well, what do you think of the interview? What did you learn what inspired you? What is the question that you might have?
Alright, here we go. That’s it for now. Have a great week. And I’ll connect with you very soon. Bye for now,
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