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In this episode, I will be doing a one-on-one interview with one of the Social Confidence Club members.
Watch Andris as he shares his real experience about the following:
– his Social Anxiety struggles before joining the SC Club
– his experience and his progress into becoming a member of my Social Confidence Club
– how the power of EFT Tapping helped him get more comfortable now more than ever
– his overall #JourneyToSocialEase
Sit back, relax, and enjoy the interview!
Seb: Hey, this is Sebastiaan van der Schrier from www.social-anxiety-solutions.com
I’m a former Social Anxiety Disorder sufferer and Social Confidence Coach.
I’ve been anxiety free for years. And I’ve been coaching people with Social Anxiety since 2009.
I’ve been obsessed with Social Anxiety solutions since I’m 17. I’m 36 now.
And two years ago, after nearly a decade of coaching, I launched the first-ever Social Confidence Community.
At the start of this year (we’re recording this at the end of 2020), we had Coronavirus, and there was a lockdown. During that lockdown, I decided to do a 30 – day challenge.
After that 30 – Day Challenge in August, I was actually going to run a second community. But I decided to move that forward, changed the name from Social Confidence Community to Social Confidence Club, and invite people who have done the 30 -day challenge to join that Social Confidence Club. And today, I’m talking with Andris.
Andris is one of the people who joined the Social Confidence Club. And that was in May, I guess?
Andris: Yeah, it was, I think it was May.
Seb: Yeah. And right now, it’s December 18 (today). And basically, when you’re watching this, I’m assuming that you’re considering joining the Social Confidence Club.
So, I’m just going to ask Andris for his honest experience, and where he’s at, and so on.
And Andris, this is going to be a simple question-answer format.
Questions that I picked off the internet and just took it from there. OK?
Seb: All right. Can you explain what your social anxiety experience was before all of this – before the Social Confidence Club, before the 30-Day challenge? What was that like?
Andris: Well, it was actually a constant struggle; the anxiety was pretty strong, I would say.
And I felt really uncomfortable speaking with people, talking with people; Eye contact was really bad for me. And basically, just being in social situations was making me get nervous.
And then I started university. And then I kind of came to the conclusion that “Oh, man, I have Social Anxiety!”.
I didn’t think about this in those terms before university. But the university can kickstart it all. I had one moment where it was pretty really stressful for me. I was triggered a lot. And that kind of kickstarted it all.
But the constant struggle for a couple of years. I will say – 6 years. But it wasn’t that bad before university.
Seb: OK. And how old are you now?
Andris: I’m 24 right now.
Seb: You’re like a late bloomer in the Social Anxiety world. It only got bad once you’re 18.
Andris: Yeah, it was the case – ’til 18, I was kind of OK. Then I experienced one really bad situation in a social gathering. And that shocked my whole system. But I was OK after that. I was quite OK. I would say. I still felt a little bit uncomfortable and then not anxious.
But when I was 23, I joined the university, and I had a traumatic experience in a social gathering, and that kind of shot the anxiety through the roof again.
Seb: OK. And when you were in social situations, what was your experience there? Well, you said eye contact was a problem. What would happen when you would…with regards to eye contact?
Andris: I would just cringe, feel panic. I would say that when I make eye contact with other people is like I’m being noticed as being weird or different, or like I’m hiding something. I had this issue like I’m hiding something. And other people notice that.
So that was a big problem. I cringed out a lot.
Seb: And how did that affect your life?
Andris: OH, not in many good ways, I would say.
It’s really hard to connect with other people. It was really hard to connect with other people.
And basically, I couldn’t make eye contact.
I couldn’t talk with other people.
They’re noticing that I’m blushing a little bit and nervous, and so they kind of pushed me a little bit off. And that makes me feel sad, of course.
Seb: And what did that lead to in terms of your social life or lack thereof?
Andris: Well, the actual results I can tell that I have like, really…
I don’t have many friends. That’s for one. And I have a couple of them. But I don’t have as many friends as I would like to have. Right?
So, the social life is not really adventurous. I would say, and not really fun. That’s a big problem, actually.
Seb: Got it. And when you were in those social situations, and you said you felt panic and nervousness and so on, what were thoughts that were running through your head?
Andris: Basically, that people are going, in some ways, to attack me.
That I am not allowed to do certain things: I am not allowed to say certain things. Because of like, I’m a weirdo or whatever.
And that made me feel panicky.
Seb: Hmm, Got it. And what was most difficult about it all? Or most frustrating?
Andris: The most difficult part was just to go through it all.
Just to go through it all and experiencing all those emotions. And it was hard. I would say because I had to do a lot of homework. And that was kind of stressful, and I’m like feeling panic all the time or feeling very nervous.
That kind of added to the stress. It was just hard. It was a struggle to go through it all.
Seb: Mm-hmm. OK.
I think that’s a difficult thing to go through. And a very common thing that a lot of people can relate to. I’ll ask you my next question.
What were some of the things you tried prior to tapping and in social confidence club and 30-Day challenge?
Andris: So, in September, my anxiety kind of kickstart the dread, as I told you.
And in October, I visited the therapist. I didn’t know what to do, and I just visited the therapist once, and I didn’t have a very good experience with her. She kind of didn’t get me, I would say. And she told me like, ‘what’s wrong’? You know, it wasn’t a good session, I would say. But she was feeling compassionate towards me. But I felt that she couldn’t help me at that point.
In October last year, I searched YouTube or information videos and just typed in eye contact problems, feeling awkward while having eye contact. And then I saw Sebastiaan – your video. And I was interested in this technique (EFT).
I didn’t know about it previously at all. My mom kind of told me something about it. She used it for herself, but I didn’t know about it in detail.
And in October, I purchased one of your first systems and started to do those tapping exercises which was there.
And then, in May, I joined the Social Confidence Club.
Seb: Hmm. OK. And before you joined the Social Conference Club, there was the 30-Day challenge.
After the 30-Day challenge, there was about a week or two, perhaps where you had time to decide whether you wanted to join the Social Conference Club. Did you have any doubt about joining?
Andris: No. I was ready. I was determined. And I was ready. And I think I thought it’s a great, great opportunity.
Seb: OK. Can you imagine why someone might have doubts about joining?
Andris: Um, I think people do not believe in EFT, that’s one of the big ones, like people not believing and think it’s not working or something like that.
Because it doesn’t bring the results really fast, not as fast as we would like to have it, right? That’s one.
And maybe people think it will take a really long time or whatever.
Seb: Yeah. That’s a little bit in between, isn’t it?
I mean, it’s not going to be overnight. But it’s also not going to take 20 years, but it will take effort over a period of time in order to make progress, as we now all know.
Andris: Sure, sure.
Seb: What are your results now after six months of Social Confidence Club? Six / Seven months? What has changed? How’s your social anxiety now? What’s your mood like?
Andris: Yeah, so basically, I can tell that the first of a couple of months, I had progress here and there, and feeling more accepting of my anxiety.
And then after some, like four months, I started to feel that ‘Oh, man, I’m less anxious,’ it’s easier for me to talk with people, it’s easier to make eye contact”.
And what I witnessed just last month, I would say, from last month onwards, that I feel more accepting of myself as a personality. And I feel more compassionate towards myself; I feel more at ease with myself and feel more comfortable. And it’s easier to talk with people. I can make actually, as I told you, the biggest issue was eye contact. But now I can make proper eye contact (Of course, I have to put in work in that area.)
But overall, I just feel that I accept myself more. And that brings a lot of relief.
Seb: Beautiful. That’s it.
For the big part, overcoming your social anxiety is a journey of self-acceptance. Because when you’re OK with yourself, then it’s safe to be yourself. And then there’s no threat. And it’s a progressive reduction.
So it’s pretty much like you described — your anxiety gets less, and your comfort with yourself increases and awesome. That’s great.
Has it been worth the money you’ve invested?
Andris: Oh, man. Sure. Absolutely yes, I would say because I don’t know if you will ask me. Still, regarding the community and the content itself and how it’s presented, I can’t even imagine, like previously, before Social Anxiety Solutions and this 30-day challenge, I was going to psychologists like therapists before May. It was February.
I was like paying the same amount visiting a therapist, and it was OK, it was good. I like it. But we weren’t working with EFT. So, it’s more like a mindset works down there.
But EFT is like connecting to deeper issues.
Seb: Yeah, working on the emotional side, and working with the subconscious. Was it a painful process?
Andris: Sometimes, yeah, sure.
In the EFT part, like tapping and reducing, like going into those old emotions. For me, it wasn’t that bad going in your childhood memories or whatever. It wasn’t that bad.
There were memories, specifically, kind of sad ones and hard ones. But I overcame it pretty easily, I would say.
But overall, sometimes I felt down through the journey. And sometimes we all feel a little bit down. And then I had setbacks, of course.
But I can tell it was extremely hard. Sometimes it was tough.
Seb: Yeah. And what happened after these setbacks?
Andris: My mantra or the one thing I think is — whenever I felt anxious, or these bad emotions (feel sad), I didn’t feel depressed but just feel sad a bit. I would just tap.
I tried to tap on those bad emotions. And now I can tell, ‘OK, the day is bad. It’s not really good. You just sleep. And after one day or two, you’ll feel a little better.
But at some point, it felt like it will go forever. But no – it kind of diminished. So, it’s in the process.
Seb: Yeah. It’s an up and down journey. And sometimes, for some people, you experienced some setbacks, or you experienced that you get triggered badly, and that can be tough. I am not going to lie to you. But it can be tough. It’s like, what you say, but it doesn’t last forever. It’s temporary.
And for most people post that (setback), there’s usually a breakthrough or insight or something like that once that is done.
Andris: I wanted to add at that point.
In my first month in the Social Confidence Club, it was kind of hard for me regarding setbacks. But after I got more experience with EFT, anytime my mindset changed, anytime I had a setback, I knew that OK, this is an opportunity. I can use this.
After tapping on those big setbacks, I noticed that that’s how I can make a lot of progress.
Seb: Yeah, exactly. Nice.
What did you or what do you – because you’re still in the club.
What do you like most about the Social Confidence Club? What specifically do you like most about it?
Andris: Well, specifically, I can point to maybe three things.
Seb: I’m going to ask you for three benefits afterward. So, pick one, pick your favorite.
Well, the content is amazing. But I would say the community, because in times of struggle, and when you are really feeling sad, or just the situation is kind of hard. People can bring you up, and people can support you. So that was a big part for me.
Seb: Awesome. Yeah. Multiple people say that I’ve been interviewing from the club?
Andris: Because it’s true!
Seb: Yeah. All right. Yeah. Right. It’s just a really cool kind of vibe that has been created. Right? I facilitated it, and I put certain things in place where I thought, “OK, this might bring it about,” but every one has put in their thing, and everyone has put in their part of it. And so something has naturally kind of started to grow.
And I’m pretty proud of the atmosphere that we’ve created. It’s a very supportive, kind, non-judgmental, encouraging, just friendly place where people can feel safe, let their guard down, and let their issues come up. And we’re all on the same path.
Andris: Yeah, I agree. I agree. Totally.
Seb: What about the community aspect of it do you like so much?
Andris: For me, just being able to put myself out there. And when I felt sad, that’s one thing when I felt sad, right.
When I felt that things are hard, I just contacted the community, and people were supportive. That’s for one. And so, this community feeling, right?
But the second part of it was that I was able to put myself out there. And I was able to say my thoughts.
And from that, I kind of went into this good feeling of socializing here a little bit. I can write out my thoughts, my opinions. And I won’t be judged
So, I opened up a little bit from that.
And now I can tell that that kind of transferred into real life, I feel like I can, I can speak freely, more, more freely.
That part of it helped me.
Seb: Well said. I could have said this in the beginning. But just the format of the Social Confidence Cub is we have the following:
Next question. What are three other benefits of the Social Confidence Cub for you?
Andris: Three other benefits?
I liked that part of how you presented the content and presented all those presentations and videos on Wednesdays. So that helped a lot. It was easy to grasp.
I actually just felt big relief regarding my anxiety because I knew I kind of felt I’m in good hands because you’re our leader and our coach. So, I just felt, “OK. This man has progressed and reduced his anxiety and feel at ease now. And he knows where to take me.”
And you have a lot of experience in working with other people. So, I trusted you, and that mindset helped me to stick with it.
Seb: Nice. Awesome. Good. Would you recommend the Social Confidence Cub? If so, why?
Andris: I would! Yes.
I would absolutely recommend this club because I can’t even imagine where I could find anything similar to this: regarding the content, regarding the specifics about Social Anxiety, how to tap on these issues.
I really can’t imagine another place.
Exposure therapy for me, I tried it, it’s hard. I don’t have the confidence to do it all the time, or whatever.
I actually don’t think it’s like a long term solution. I knew the therapist wasn’t helping me the way I would like to improve.
I didn’t find any other places like this. And that’s the biggest part of it.
The feeling that you’re in good hands. Experienced with people and coaching. It’s it plays a big part. And it played a big part for me, and I would recommend it to people who are just thinking of joining the club.
Seb: Awesome. Cool.
Well, thank you for your time. I appreciate you sharing. You’re a valuable member of our club, of course. And I appreciate the wanting to help other people and share your experience because it helps people decide if this is this something for me.
Anything else you’d like to add?
Andris: Oh, thanks for asking that. I want to add that people who want to go into this challenge trust EFT works. At some point in the journey, if I didn’t felt it, but I sometimes thought that “Oh, man, what’s going to happen?”
Many different thoughts, but I can tell you that EFT works and this approach in dealing with your anxiety. It does work. Just stick with it. I would say commitment is a big part. You will form a habit, and it will come naturally.
But the big part is that EFT works, and this all stuff works.
Seb: Yeah. Awesome. All right. Thank you, Andris. And when you’re watching and we look forward to welcoming you inside our club. Alright, that’s it for now. Thanks again, Andris. And we’ll be in touch. Bye.