Celebrating the New Year by beating yourself up is NOT the way to go.
Start the year right by creating the right intentions towards social ease and freedom.
Tap along to help you have the right perspective as you make new beginnings and decide on fresh resolutions.
I wish you a fantastic year 2020! May you have a new year where you feel at ease, comfortable, and anxiety-free.
Welcome! We are here at the Black Beach with some beautiful sand. It’s about 7 in the morning now. We drove here on the 31st of December. You are watching this a little later.
We sit down to do some meditation, watch the sunset, and come up with some goals and some intentions for the New Year. My guess is that you have goals and intentions as well. My even stronger guess is that one of your goals is to get rid of your social anxiety to feel at ease that’s probably why you are watching this.
So I thought we will do a little tap along to help you have the right perspective to get to that place. It’s going to be real simple.
If this is the first video you’ve seen, I doubt it, I am going to use techniques called EFT, short for “Emotional Freedom Technique”. It is a silly looking technique with which you tap on specific acupressure points of the body.
Studies have shown that that tapping send signals to your part of the brain called the “amygdala” which is in charge of hormones released to your body. In particular, studies have shown that it decreases the production of “cortisol”, which is your stress hormone, and increases the production of “serotonin”, which is your happy hormone.
As you tap, this biochemical responses create a sense of calm. So you focused on something, you’re upset about it, and you feel what ever kind of emotion you are feeling with the tapping, and it soothes that emotion to calm it down. So we are using that particular kind of technique along with some particular wording.
Just follow along with me. If you don’t exactly know where to tap, just “monkey-see, monkey-do”. It can’t be any easier than that. So I’m tapping at the side of my hands and repeat after me out loud.
Actually, no, don’t just repeat after me out loud. Close your eyes. Take a deep breath.
And take another deep breath and slow your breath down.
You may be listening to the birds if you can hear them or the sea coming in and coming out.
And as you are going inward, I want you to, this can be a little painful for a second but for a purpose. I want you to think about the problem you are having. You are dealing with this social anxiety. Its messing up your relationships. You are worrying about it. You are concerned about how are you coming across people you are running into everyday. It’s affecting your life in a very painful way. You are not able to live your potential. You are upset when you get anxious most likely. This is just a really difficult problem.
That’s where you’re at. Now, open your eyes. Tap on the side of your hand. And repeat after me.
“Even though this is where I am at…”
“And it really sucks…”
“This is where I am at!”
“I don’t like it.”
“I want to feel at ease.”
“But, I’m not there yet.”
“I am willing to spend the possibility….”
“That I am on my way there.”
“Even though, I don’t like where I am at…”
“And I am having a hard time accepting it…”
“I accept that I am having a hard time accepting it.
Now, tap on the beginning of your eyebrows.
Say, “this shitty, social anxiety problem…”
On the side of your eyes. “I wish it wasn’t here.”
Under the eyes. “I hate the feeling that I do around others.”
Under the nose. “It’s frustrating to see other people just being free.”
On the chin. “It feels embarrassing that I have this problem.”
Collarbone. “It makes me feel ashamed of myself.”
Under the arms. “I am worried that it will never go away.”
On the liver bone. “What if I’m a tough case and I can never overcome it.”
Wrist point. “I have all these feelings about my problem.”
Top of the head. “I release all my emotional attachments…”
“…to my resistance…”
“… to letting go of these feelings I have for this problem.”
Beginning of the eyebrows. “I want to feel a little bit better.”
Side of the eyes. “No I don’t.”
Under the eyes. “First I have this problem fixed. Then I’ll feel better.”
Under the nose. “I should not have this problem.”
Chin. “But I do.”
Collarbone. “I am willing to consider the possibility…”
“…that I have this problem for a reason.”
Under the arms. “And maybe, its true that I cannot live my potential now.”
On the wrist point. “But what if my social anxiety…”
Top of the head. “…forces me to look inside, heal my wounds, and update my limiting beliefs, so I can start living my potential.”
Beginning of the eyebrows. “Its really difficult to be where I am at.”
On the side of the eyes. “But certain perspective help me suffer less.”
Under the eyes. “It’s difficult to heal those wounds.”
Under the nose. “Unless it isn’t.”
Under the chin. “I want to feel at ease socially.”
Collarbone. “Maybe it’s a bit of a journey to get there.”
Under the arms. “Part of the journey is healing those wounds.”
Liver point. “And this weird tapping might be able to help me.”
On the wrist point. “People have done it.”
Top of the head. “They’ve gone from social anxiety to social ease.”
(And by the way, you can find those people on my channel, I’ve interviewed a whole bunch of them. And I’m one of them.)
Beginning of the eyebrows. “Since other people have done it, maybe I can do it too.”
Side of the eyes. “Maybe it won’t happen in a day or a week or even a month…”
Under the eyes. “…but I can make a little bit of progress each day.”
Under the nose. “A lot of steps starts to add up.”
Chin. “I can do a little bit everyday.”
Collarbone. “So, slowly but surely…”
Under the arms. “..I’ll start feeling safer being myself.”
Liver point. “As I heal those wounds, and the limiting beliefs that were that were formed at those times…”
On the wrist point. “…I start to feel safe being my true self.”
Top of the head. “And that work is worthwhile.”
Good. As you start beginning at the start of your eyebrows, I want you to close your eyes again.
As you hear the sea and the birds chirping and all of that good stuff, I want you to slow your breathing down. Imagine breathing into your heart. You might even want to put your hand to your heart and feel the warmth of your hand on your heart or the pressure there. Either works or both.
I want you to think of someone that you like or someone that you appreciate or someone that you love. It might be an old person, a young person, or a child. Your child, your parent, or a friend. It doesn’t really matter. Just someone that you care for. And as you are thinking about that person, think that that person has the worst social anxiety ever like when you have it at your worst.
Now noticed how you feel towards that person that you like, or your love, or you appreciate. As that person is suffering with social anxiety, “What is your reaction towards that person?”
Good. Now open your eyes.
Likely, you want to help that person. You feel compassion towards that person. You feel empathy. You don’t want them to suffer. Am I right? Hopefully so.
Since that is the case, now think about how you treat yourself when you feel anxious. Is it the same? Hopefully it is. But very likely, it isn’t.
What we tend to do is beat ourselves up after we’ve got anxious. Isn’t that weird? It’s not you are getting anxious on purpose. Something happens that your brain perceives a threat and activates the fight-flight-freeze response. Put your whole system in survival mode so you can run away from that threat that your brain perceives or you can fight it.
Those are typically not very good options in a social situations so the next options is you freeze. You can’t think of things to say. You can’t be social. You have all these problems. You are suffering at that moment. So, why beat yourself up in those moments?
It’s not very productive. It makes the anxiety worse. It decreases your esteem. It decreases your confidence. It adds insult injury. It makes everything worse. Instead, what you want to do is to treat yourself the way you treat a person that you care for who was dealing with that anxiety.
So, tap on the side of the eyes and say “I’m not going to do that.”
Under the eyes. “When I feel anxious I should not beat myself up.”
Under the nose. “It is such a successful strategy.”
Under the chin. “It really makes me feel better.”
On the collarbone. “It really makes me feel less anxious when I beat myself up.”
Under the arms. “It is such a confidence boost.”
On the liver point. “Maybe that is not true…”
Wrist point. “…and I am willing to consider…”
Top of the head. “…that I am suffering in those moments, and I could use my own support.”
Take a deep breath.
Hopefully, you are feeling a tiny bit better. My expectations is that you do. If that is the case, great! Share this video with someone who else is suffering like this. As you are feeling in this a little-bit-better place, set a goal for yourself.
Close your eyes. Set the goal of being at ease around others, being comfortable around others in 2020. Somewhere in 2020. Be a fantastic goal. If you are more spiritual or hippie, set an intention. Intentions are very powerful. Set that intention for 2020.
I wish you a fantastic 2020 so you may feel at ease, comfortable, and anxiety-free. That you may have a jolly good times and you may speak your mind and all of that good stuff.
That is my wish and intention for you, for everyone who sees this video, whenever you see this.
This is Sebastiaan from social-anxiety-solutions.com.
Subscribe here. Have a great 2020! It’s going to be awesome Bye for now.