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The below success principles are for you to overcome social anxiety and unlock your social confidence in the easiest, most effective way possible.
I commit to doing 30 minutes a day, for however long it takes. I do my best. And my best is good enough. It doesn’t matter how fast I go. I measure my success by whether I put in the 30min a day or not.
I will keep putting in 30 min a day until I have what I want, or run into a roadblock I can’t seem to overcome. In that case I seek help. If I miss a day, I refuse to beat up on myself, instead I simply pick it up the next day again. I am committed to 30 min a day.
These success principles you might want to print out and memorise them.
I am aware that you may hate where you are now. I know it sucks. And I know you’re very eager to change. But don’t let your enthusiasm to change cause you to rush. If you have a deadline right now as to when you want to be socially confident, get rid of it. You cannot rush this. Doing so will cause your results to suffer. At best… Most people who struggle to get results do so because they try to rush it. Do not fall into that trap. Take your time.
And, rather than try to do it all at once -which doesn’t work- be consistent and keep moving forward. Do so and your results will start to deepen and you will feel calmer, more relaxed, less anxious, more free, and so on. Change will happen quickly, but it will still take time. Everything that is in the SCS has been put there intentionally. I recommend reading everything at least twice so you’re sure you got it. This is a long-standing challenge you’re dealing with. Approach it with dedication, persistence and focus. And most importantly, take your time for it.
This page can be seen as a blueprint for going from social anxiety disorder all the way to social confidence. It has taken me almost a decade to get this information together. It’s very powerful information, and will get you empowering results when you put in the effort, energy and dedication to make it work for you. I have created this advice for you to follow in an as structural and linear fashion as possible. It’s based upon what I’ve learned from the top therapists in the world that I studied under, my own personal journey, and the insights from working with many socially phobic clients.
In most cases it goes from step 1 to step 2 to step 3 etc. Simply follow the advice and preferably don’t skip any steps unless I suggest it. I’ve created all the information for a reason. Every bit of information is valuable. Going from one step to the next, reading everything carefully without skipping any steps is the fastest and most effective way to get where you want to be. That being said, I want you to know that there are more ways that lead to Rome. This system is one way to achieve social confidence, and I believe it’s the best way to get there in a DIY manner.
However, there are other ways too. There are skilled EFT practitioners and other energy therapies that can be of benefit to you. I’m convinced you can get life-changing positive results with this system. I believe the results you will be able to get will surpass your expectations when you put in the effort. And yet, I also want you to know that this is a one-size fits all approach. If you’re ever really stuck, work with a therapist (a good one) who has experience and can help you. Follow the roadmap, enjoy the changes, keep moving forward, and when you are ever stuck, get some assistance.
Some people feel excited and want to do 2 hours per day. Others want to take it easy or might not have much time themselves and only want to do 15 minutes per day. Both are fine, though roughly an 30 min to an hour a day is recommended. My recommendation is to commit to a bare minimum of 30 minutes per day (take the weekends of if you want) and at an absolute maximum 2 hours. Don’t do more! Less than 15 minutes is probably too little to finish an exercise and more than 2 hours will overwhelm and exhaust you and your system.
When you don’t see much change in the beginning, keep going. Trust the process and continue forward. It takes a few days/weeks before you will start to notice significant results. But if you do your inner work every day those results will be there.
Start every day at the same time as this will make the process easier as you know what to expect and you will quickly form the habit of doing the exercises to get your social confidence. Drop everything you’re doing. Set your alarm for it. Make it the priority of your day.
If you come up with excuses such as “I don’t feel like it”, “I’m tired”, “I will first watch this program/send this email/finish this game/etc”, “I don’t feel so well”, “I’ll do it double tomorrow”, “I don’t have time today”, “I have too much homework/things for work to finish”, “I have to walk the dig/feed my fish”, etc.
… Catch yourself in the act of making excuses!
And notice how you almost tried to sabotage yourself. Remind yourself that this is what all the people do that do not get the results they’re after in life. Be happy that you caught yourself in the act of making the excuse, and then immediately start with the exercise.
A question you can ask yourself, which I did often, is:
“What do I rather have? Social confidence, connecting with people, having great friends, having peace of mind, finally being myself, being free in the world, feeling great about being me, feeling confident, living my life to the fullest…. Or giving into this lame excuse?
There will be excuses (resistance) like this coming up. So you now know to expect it. And I know you will persist and push through the excuses as you want to feel confident about yourself, connect with others, live life to the fullest, etc.
In case you experience intense negative emotions simply keep EFT tapping (what this is will be explained shortly).The common response is -when we feel overwhelmed by emotion- to stop what we are doing. Don’t do this here, keep doing EFT tapping. The emotions will eventually fade.
You will be following along with certain EFT tapping audios where you repeat the words I say and tap where I instruct you to tap. When you do this, you want to do this with emphasis. If you are just repeating words and thinking about the next thing you’ll d after you’re done tapping, your results will suffer. Robotically repeating the words is less effective. Get into it. Feel the emotions, get into the pain.
Much of the tapping is focused on the negative in order to release and neutralise it. But you also want to have a short period of the day where you focus on the outcome of social confidence. When you write down these social successes, and you focus on them for a bit by writing them down, you’re creating and/or enhancing neural pathways of “social confidence” in your mind. The goal setting exercise you’ve done earlier, some other exercises in the SCS, and this daily practice of writing down social successes helps you do this. This may sound like a useless exercise, but it is in fact very powerful.
Buy a simple notebook. And then every day (before going to bed for example) take 5-15min to write down your social successes. It can be a simple as “I felt relaxed when meeting Jimmy”. Or “Jeff’s a fun guy, his joke about x was hilarious, and I loved it when I laughed out loud”. With this simple exercise you start to focus on the little social successes you already experience. It is simple, and feels good as you do it. This builds up a storehouse of positive social experiences your brain can go to as reference for how to feel in the future.
Listen and tap along (using the tapping points you’ve learned) :
To stay motivated and inspired on your journey, I highly suggest you subscribe
to my weekly podcast show on iTunes, called Social Anxiety Solutions. And I would go back to the first episode and listen to one a day, or one every few days, or one a week, whatever you prefer.
If you can’t seem to overcome your social anxiety and you’re frustrated about your results, and worried you’ll have to live with your social anxiety for the rest of your life… this podcast is for you. You’ll hear me (an ex-social anxiety disorder sufferer) interview the super stars of the therapy and psychology world who have been traditionally trained psychologists or psychotherapists who have incorporated an exciting new field into their practice: “Energy psychology”.
These experts share their most effective techniques, empowering solutions, and unbelievably inspiring stories of transformation. This can help you finally gain relief where nothing has worked, and can significantly shortcut your journey to social confidence. Each show we discuss a social anxiety related topic (shame, self acceptance, sensitivity, bullying, fear of rejection, connection, loneliness, etc) and you’ll get specific action steps to move forward each week. Listen in and gain the perspective, inspiration and techniques to beat your social anxiety.
Be supported on your journey and create effortless social confidence; where you enjoy connecting with others, unlock your potential, have fun in social situations, and create the friendship and satisfying social life you want.