Meeting New People The Socially Savvy Way

Meeting new people can either be one of the most rewarding experiences you can have in life or it can be the most terrifying thing you can think of. Not to mention doing…

If you currently belong to the second group don’t worry, you will soon belong to the first if you follow the advice and tools on this website.

Acquiring the ability to comfortably and successfully meet new people can give you an amazing freedom. You can expand or change your social life anytime you want.

You can build a social life from scratch with the people you want as you have an abundance of opportunities.

And you can also use the skill to meet the opposite sex as well. Not bad, right?

This article will give you the nuts and bolts of how to be socially savvy when meeting new people.

There are several articles on this site (Go here to check) that will help you to eliminate your negative emotions and thinking while doing this, but this article’s focus is on the practical part of overcoming your social anxiety, the actual meeting of “strangers“.

Meeting new people is in a way just like learning to drive a car; it’s a skill. Practice the skill and you will get better at the skill.

Keep at it and it will become automatic, just like driving a car is by now effortless for you (or a bike for that matter).

If you still feel anxious meeting new people now, don’t worry. Take the steps necessary to overcome the most negative feelings and once you’re over those return here to become successful meeting new people. Then the real fun can begin!

A small part of social anxiety is not knowing what to do or say when you meet someone new. That is what we’re diving into now.

Making A Great First Impression

When you are meeting new people your first impression is important. It’s however not the end all be all, because people tend to update their first impression of you, but still…

… it is important so make it count!

Here are some tips to make a good impression.

Nod and Smile! Smiling makes you appear inviting, approving of the person you meet, confident and comfortable.
If you can’t for the life of you give people a warm smile, then just nod, squint your eyes in a friendly way and think about the person already liking and approving of you.

Keep that thought in your mind, it’ll help. You might even grin a little doing this. Good stuff.
Be the first one to introduce yourself. When you’re meeting new people or a group of new people the introducing part is inevitable.
Don’t anxiously wait for “the big moment” to happen, but be smart and be the first one to stick out your hand and say “I am -your name-” or simply “My name is -your name-”.

People will follow your lead and will always stick out their hand and introduce themselves to you. Once they do, say “nice to meet you, -their name-.
Not too firm, no fish-hand either. When you shake someone’s hand, give a firm hand. Not so firm that they’re hurt and suspect you to want to break their hand, but just firm enough to not have a hand that only rests in theirs.
A fish-hand makes you appear weak and a hand-breaker-shake will make you appear insensitive and/or try-hard.
Remember their name. People love to be called by their name, it gives them a feeling of importance. You are probably also rather be called by your name than by “hey you”, right?
It’s more respectful and it also quickly creates a bond between you and the person you meet. After all, the person is important enough for you to remember their name.
Like the other person. If you like someone, and you show this by for instance remembering their name or sincerely complimenting them, they tend to like you more also.
Think about it, don’t you hate the people that don’t like you? What’s wrong with these people?! And on the other side, don’t you think the people that like you are the best people on this earth? It’s how we tick…

Questions To Ask

When you are meeting new people, the simplest questions are most of the time the best ones to ask. It’s called small talk.

Small talk is talking about mundane things like what you do for work and where you’re from. It’s causing you and the person you meet to feel at ease. This is because you don’t have to think much about answering these questions.

After about a minute or so the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing each other subsides and you can get into whatever you want. Small talk leads to great talk.

Some examples are “what do you do” and “where are you from”. You can ask these in just about any situation.

If the people are enjoying talking about this you can be curious and ask more questions about the subject they’re talking about.

If someone asks you why you want to know -which won’t happen by the way- you can say that you’re just a curious person.

Powerful Words And Gestures

There are some things that make you appear more socially savvy. Here are some seemingly insignificant, yet powerful ones.

Saying uhuh and nodding your head. When the other person is talking, nod your head and say “uhuh”, ‘mmm’, “I understand”, “I see”, “really?”, “OK”, “yeah” etc.
By doing this you communicate that you’re actually listening. Instead of just waiting for your turn to talk… It also gives of signs of approval and this makes the person feel at ease.

If the other person is telling you something about their life and you’re just staring without blinking or acknowledging what is being said the person will wonder if you‘re listening at all… Not good.
The word “So”. This word you can put in front of a question you ask. It makes the sentence come out a bit more smoothly and it’s less interruptive of the conversation or silence that is going on.
You can even be fancy and make it “So uh, what do you do for a living?”
The word “anyway”. This is one of the greatest words in the English language. You use it to change any conversation in any direction you want. Anyway, enough about this, onto the next topic.
That reminds me of…Don’t say this out loud. But when you meet someone new, listen to what they’re saying and ask yourself how you can relate to that. What in your life is similar to their story? Don’t interrupt them, but think of what you can say to relate to their story after they finish.

Where To Meet New People

Meeting new people can be done anywhere and everywhere. You can do it on the internet, in public transportation, in the library, at work, in a bar or club or at your local gym or soccer club.

It doesn’t matter much. If you’re friendly and comfortable meeting new people they will be as well and so the place itself doesn’t matter as much.

Though there are of course differences in meeting new people in a night club versus meeting them in a library…

What To Do / Wat Not To Do

Do’s:

Listen to what people are saying. It shows you’re interested in them, which makes them feel good about you. People like people that like them.
Be curious. Most people love talking about themselves so don’t hesitate to ask them more about what they’re talking about. If they’re passionate about what they’re speaking of, ask them more questions about that topic.
Be honest. If you lie, and you get “found out”, you look like a dumbass that just tries to impress people because you’re insecure. Not what we want.
Besides, what’s fun about telling a lie? Honest people are respected, liars are laughed at. Though it might be behind their backs…
Touch! You don’t have to hug people after you say hello, but within the context of conversation try to touch the person in a nonchalant fashion. If you’re not naturally doing this it might take some practice.
It’s worth it though, people that touch come of as warm and friendly. And also, touching speeds up the bond that is being created when two “strangers” meet.
Shut up… Don’t try to fill every gap in the conversation with chatter. If they don’t talk, try to feel comfortable with the silence.
Compliment people. Only if it’s sincere of course. A fake compliment makes you appear as weird and try-hard. It’s as if you need someone from that person. A real compliment makes you appear confident and friendly.

Just say:

“Wow, that’s pretty cool” or “I’m impressed” or “Interesting, tell me more” or “No way, really? Or … You get the idea.

If you’re impressed let it be known.

Look the person in the eye. In other words, maintain eye contact. It shows you’re listening and you’re interested. Do blink though, we don’t want to come of creepy.
Ask what they mean. If you don’t get what they’re talking about, ask!
It shows you’re actually listening, it makes sure you understand what they’re speaking of (in case they quiz you later) and it gives them the chance to elaborate on something they’re talking about.. All good stuff.

Dont’s:

Interrupt people constantly. When someone is talking he wants to express his thoughts, feelings, idea’s, opinions etc. He/she is most likely interested in yours, but after he/she is finished. Wait with your talk. Good things come to those who wait…
Make lame jokes too early. It puts you in the dork/dumb ass position. Nobody wants to be friends with the dork…
Be silent all the time. If you are, at least acknowledge and approve of the people talking. This way you’re silently participating in the conversation anyway.

Comfortable and successfully meeting new people is an amazing and rewarding skill to have. You get to meet so many different and interesting people once you master this skill that you have to buy an agenda just for your social life!

Techniques To Create Conversation Skills
Move beyond your comfort zone
Structurally developing habits to become socially confident
Tips on how to make friends

“Become Comfortable Starting A Conversation With Anyone”
Go to Part 1/3: Asking Questions To Start Conversation?!

Go to Part 2/3: Conversation Starters For Every Situation

Go to Part 3/3: Asking Conversation Starter Questions…

“Starting Conversations 101”
Go to Part 1/4: Creating Interesting Conversation Starters

Go to Part 2/4: Steps To Creating Your Own Good Conversation Starters

Go to Part 3/4: How To Start Conversations

Go to Part 4/4: Mentally Rehearse Your Conversation Openers

“Conversation Topics Mastery”
Go to Part 1/2: 24 Interesting Conversation Topics

Go to Part 2/2: Conversation Exercises For Conversation Confidence

“Conversation Questions Mastery”

Go to Part 1/2: Excellent Conversation Questions For Conversational Mastery

Go to Part 2/2: Questions To Keep Conversation Going?

Normal Phone Conversation Starters

If you want to completely overcome your social anxiety disorder, getting coached by me personally (from the comfort of your own home and the ease of sitting behind your PC) have a look at the specifics of my 1 on 1 Skype coaching package Social Anxiety Coaching

And of course…

Subscribe to the free Secrets Of Social Confidence newsletter and receive your “Social Anxiety Destroyer Starter Kit” within minutes!

This consists of 2 videos with accompanying PDF’s you can start watching in minutes from now. These will teach you some simple to use, yet very effective techniques for dealing with anxiety.

Doing so will help you out immediately in dealing with your social anxiety.

Fill in your name and email address, then click on the subscribe button to receive the next issue of Secrets Of Social Confidence!

The moment I receive your confirmation, I’ll send you the “Social Anxiety Destroyer Starter Kit” so you can take your first steps towards social confidence.

Go from Low Self Esteem back to the Home Page

July 31, 2012 #SASBlog

Author
Recent Posts

Join me

Sebastiaan

Sebastiaan van der Schrier is a Social Confidence Coach and ex social anxiety sufferer. He helps socially anxious people become confident using a unique and painless approach. He is the host of the Social Anxiety Solutions podcast show and runs the first ever online Social Confidence Community.