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“I’m SA free but don’t have a social life” – Part 2



Last week, Sebastiaan gave 3 practical tips to break free from an old habit of not putting yourself in social situations.

Check it out here:

In this week’s video, Sebastiaan will give you 3 inner psychology strategies and tapping techniques to get yourself to actually take action and help you make this change easier.



I don’t have any social anxiety…but I don’t have any social life either.

That’s the question I got last week.

I answered part 1 of it in the video.

I gave three practical tips that you can check out in last week’s video.

Basically, the summary is:

Tip #1: Find something that you love, and then go do it.

Tip #2: Be Consistent. So show up all the time.

Tip #3: Be Friendly

Super simple, practical tips. But there’s a lot of thinking behind it.

So go check out that previous video.

Now, what I’m going to share is 3 Inner Psychology strategies and tapping techniques to get yourself to take action. Because that’s the most challenging thing, so let’s get into that.

Now in order to do those practical things, to make that a lot easier, because it’s easier said than done, right? Because you have this pool away from it, most likely?

Or why do you have that pool away from him most likely?


Some part of you is not on board with that.

And it could very well be the case this person, I don’t know what it is, I didn’t get a name, what this person writes. He says, “Well, I think I don’t have the identity. I have this identity of being this guy who sits in his house and doesn’t really go out.” 

Okay? Well, you have a particular idea about what your identity is.

And if you’re right about that, then that’s your identity. That’s your self-image. And your subconscious mind will do anything and everything to make sure that you remain congruent with that self-image.

There’s a particular quote that goes something along the lines of “There’s no greater force in the human mind than to remain consistent with the way we see ourselves.”

Wow, I even take on a different voice. I forgot who it was from. Anyway, Tony Robbins, or Zig Ziglar, or one of these legends said it, so it must have been good.

Anyway, so you have this idea of yourself. And if you’re very attached to that, it’s going to be hard to take action, because then what you’re trying to do being Mr. Social, whereas your self-image is being Mr. Reclusive (hide in the house), is very contradictory.

And your brain is like, well, that’s not safe to do that. You’re not that kind of guy. Right?

And so, it’s going to pull you back. It’s going to resist you going in that direction because you’re going to be fake, not real.

And so, you’re going to get rejected, and so on. And so, it’s not safe.

So there’s that pullback.

So you want to shift and change that around.

Simple tips, I’m going to give you:

Tip # 1: Simply verbalize out loud while you tap from point to point who you are & how you see yourself 

Because that’s basically emotionally routed to your nervous system. How you see yourself.

So, I’m this guy who sits at home, I don’t ever do anything, I just sit at home, I don’t get out of the house, I’m probably scared to get out of the house. So, I will never get out of the house.

I’m this kind of guy that has these kinds of thoughts.

I’m this kind of guy that has these kinds of behaviors.

I’m this kind of guy that has these kinds of values.

I’m that guy.

This is how people see me.

You just basically described this whole limited perception that you have of yourself. How you currently see yourself. And doing that while you tap, will start to loosen the emotional hold that that has.

And especially when it brings up emotions for you, when you picture yourself in that way, you want to neutralize those emotions so that doesn’t have such a strong pool for you anymore. That’s one.

Tip #2: You want to visualize yourself the way you want to be. 

So, you want to visualize yourself, as you would like to see yourself.

So, you say flourishing social life. Whatever that means for you authentically, visualize it as if it’s already true.

And you can do it in two ways, (well, in multiple ways, but the two most common ways).

One is you can see yourself. So, as you’re sitting in your chair and you’re visualizing yourself, you see yourself interacting with other people, having a great social life, enjoying your weekends, having lunches with people, sitting in the park, doing this, that and the other blah, blah, blah, you see that.

And the other thing you can do is visualize it from your own perspective. Looking out of your own eyes, putting yourself into the future, seeing what you would see, hearing what you would hear, feeling what you would feel, so you would see yourself around other people and so on.

And I think the first one is going to be more powerful because you see your new self, your ideal self, if you will.

And as you see that, you just want to tap.

Tap on the feelings that triggers. Often that trigger feelings of, “Oh, that’s not me, I can’t be that” – it triggers feelings in a trigger spots, any feelings that it has tap on them.

And any thoughts that come up for you tap on them, okay?

And neutralize that so that when you think about that, it doesn’t feel bad anymore. And it might even feel inspiring to you.

Okay, now leading to Tip #3: You might ask yourself, “why am I not that guy?” You might get a bunch of answers.

And you might ask yourself, Well, “why can I not be that way? or why can I not have that life?” And you’ll get a bunch of answers.

These are your internal objections, which are simply emotionalized thoughts — thoughts that have emotion connected to it.

And what tapping does is it disconnects the emotion from the thought.

So, you might have thought, well, that’s not me. And when you think that, it might feel true, and you’re like, yeah, it makes you smaller, makes you shrink a little bit.

When you tap on that, that shrinking feeling will go away. And that thought will just be neutral.

So do that for all the answers you get, which are thoughts that have emotions to it, tap in each thought – one by one. You might use the phrase, I release all my emotional attachments to… (and then feel the thought that will release the emotional attachments to the thought), and give it 30 seconds after you’ve set that thought. And do that for all of the thoughts that come up.

That’s it!

That is going to be very, very powerful, and it’s going to shift things. And it’s going to make things a lot easier in terms of taking the three practical action steps that I have given you.

I’ll give you one quick bonus. Take a piece of paper after you’ve done all of this inner work. Write at the top of it:

“Wouldn’t it be nice if…”

Which is a kind of like a pre-frame for your mind. It’s like a daydream. It sets you up to daydream.

Because it’s like, wouldn’t it be nice if?

Rather than it has to be this way. And this is how it’s going to be because your brain is going to come up with objections, potentially.

And when you say, wouldn’t it be nice if?… That’s kind of like you’re pondering, you’re curious, wouldn’t it be nice if, and then start writing down how you would like things to be?

Wouldn’t it be nice if…I go to this thing that I’m interested in? You know, I go to this salsa class, and it’s surprisingly fun.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…I’m able to laugh at my clumsiness?

Wouldn’t it be nice if…I really connect with the teacher?

Or would it be nice if…there’s a real welcoming vibe at this class, which, by the way is the case.

Certain places are a lot more welcoming than other places.

Yoga studios (most of them at least). dance classes, meditation places is a lot more inviting typically than a nightclub where “cool people” go.

So be smart and strategic about where do you go. Go where you’re appreciated most. Where the people are the nicest, where you like to be.

And by the way, if nightclubs is your thing, nothing wrong with that. I meet nice people there too. But generally, it tends to be more “cool people”.

So, wouldn’t it be nice if…this. Wouldn’t be nice if…that.

Wouldn’t be nice if…I walk away from this event, and I feel great.

Wouldn’t be nice if…I am that kind of person. But I just thought that I wasn’t.

Wouldn’t be nice if…it feels surprisingly natural to be that way.

Wouldn’t it be nice if…I feel a lot calmer than I thought?

Wouldn’t it be nice if…I have a good time, I laugh, they laugh.

Just paint a picture. Daydream. And that helps your brain to go into the direction of what you do want instead of being over-focused on all the things that could potentially go wrong.

Those tips are going to help you.

Hope this is helpful. Great question. Thank you very much. And have a great week!

This is Sebastiaan from

Check out the podcast called Social Anxiety Solutions where interview Psychologist, Coaches, Healers, Psychotherapists, best selling authors, amazing people. Go to Click on podcast or find the podcast in iTunes, Spotify, all your players, just type in Social Anxiety Solutions. Go to the earliest episodes, the first 60 I do interviews.

Since then I got a little bit lazy. In other words, I had other projects, but at some point I’m going to do these interviews in again.

Alright, so, I hope this was helpful. Have a great week and I’ll talk to you very soon. Bye.

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