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SUMMARY
What makes personal change tough? Where is that resistance to change coming from?
In this video, I will explain why many of us find the journey to social confidence difficult. I will tell what you can do to make it easier. Plus, a quick tap-along that can help make you feel that change is possible.
FULL TRANSCRIPTION
Hello, this is Sebastiaan from social-anxiety-solutions.com. I’m a former social anxiety sufferer. I help people overcome social anxiety so you can feel relaxed, calm, and at ease in social situations.
I snuck into a roof so I can shoot this video for you with a little bit of interesting and bizarre background.
I’m going to talk to you this week about a common myth regarding the journey to social confidence. #JourneyToSocialConfidence
There is a common misconception about that. And that is: change is hard. I want to talk about that because change can be hard. If you go through a breakup, that’s a painful change. That’s a hard change. It can be a hard change depending on which I drew on. Sometimes if you are the breakuper, it can be hard to do.
If there is a death in your family, or if there is a divorce, etc. So change can be very hard. It’s true. Also, when you try to overcome your social anxiety, and you are told that you have to go do some exposures and force yourself to face your fears, that is hard. It’s true.
Not all changes made equal. The kind of change that I am talking about is: the kind of change that I personally experienced. The (kind of change that) I helped my clients go through is very different. That kind of change is not hard. Why not? Well, because you are tapping on your face and body while you are processing stuck emotions from the past, while you are healing emotional trauma, while you’re shifting and letting go of emotionalized thoughts and limiting beliefs that are causing the perception of threat. So that is not hard to do.
It is a bit challenging sometimes because you are tuning into uncomfortable emotions so your feelings goes as you work through them. But, it’s not really hard. It’s a bit uncomfortable. You are experiencing those emotions on a day to day basis anyway. Now, what you are doing is purposely bringing them to the surface for you to tap on them. So you can release them. What this does is: it results to you are no longer reliving the past. You no longer revert back to feeling like a little child because you are processing those stuck emotions when you were a little child.
You are updating false perceptions. You are letting go of beliefs like,
“People are mean or out there to get me.”
“They don’t like me.”
“I don’t fit in. I’m not good enough.”
And that actually feels very good.
It is not hard but it does require your effort, energy, and your dedication. So, that is a challenge for you. Are you going to do that?
Also, you are dealing with resistance to releasing this problem of social anxiety and being at ease. That is beyond the scope of this video and I will not get into that now.
You are dealing with resistance. There is a part of you that really wants to change. That is why you are watching this video. You want to be at ease socially. You want to be comfortable around others. You want to connect effortlessly. You want to just feel normal, fit in, and have a good time. You look forward to social situations. All of that. That is your natural, normal, conscious desire.
But, there is a deeper part of your brain, the subconscious, that is thinking that: That is not safe. Maybe yourself, people get upset with you, or you might hurt other people, or other people might hurt you. You might get rejected. You won’t be accepted. Many other reasons. Again, that is beyond the scope of this video.
So, consciously you are yes to change, but your subconscious goes “No, that is not safe for you.” Your subconscious is running the show more than 90% of the time. And so, you are going to experience resistance to that change. Therefore, you need to address that. You need to resolve that in order to get a permanent change. That requires effort. You need to focus on it, on the resistance. You need to tap to clear the resistance. So that consciously, you are yes to change and subconsciously, you are also yes to change. That requires work.
That means, you need to use your willpower in order to tap on that resistance. That means, you need to put in some effort, put in some focus, put in some energy in order to actually making these changes. If you are watching these videos, that is not enough. That is a little to it. I commend you for doing that. That is at least a bit. It is more than most people do. But you also need to take action. It’s easier to pop on Netflix or to distract yourself in another way.
It is actually challenging, not hard, but challenging to do some work. Whenever I find myself a bit challenged, I just make it small. I would commit myself to doing five minutes a day. I mean, five minutes a day, that is easy. For example, when I was learning Spanish, I had this whole course and I didn’t want to do that much. So, I just did one track a day. It was just seven minutes. I’m like, “Okay, one track a day. That’s easy to do.” And so, even though I have a resistance to learning Spanish, and I was not that motivated, I knew that I can commit to doing seven minutes a day or one track a day. That’s easy. So, I suggest something like that as well.
So, it’s not hard. But, it will require your effort, your energy, and dedication. The easiest way to deal with something like that is to commit to something small. Commit to just five minutes of tapping a day. Five minutes of inner work a day. That will start to stack up. You will start seeing results from that. And from that, you will feel motivated.
So, I will do a little one minute tap along for you. Maybe one or two rounds.
Alright, so just tap here. I want you to close your eyes and tune in to the thought: Change is hard.
See how true that feels for you. Rate it from zero to ten: Change is hard.
Maybe you feel that somewhere in your body. Maybe you feel the resistance: “I don’t want to deal with this. It is hard. It is difficult.”
Rate it from zero to ten. Keep your number in mind. Know it. Then repeat after me. Say:
Even though change is really hard…
…and it sucks…
…and I don’t want to do it…
…I honor how I feel.
Now tap on top of your head.
Change is hard.
Beginning of the eyebrows.
I don’t want to change.
Side of the eyes.
I can’t change anyway.
Under the eyes.
It’s impossible to change for me.
Under the nose.
And even if it was possible…
….it’s too hard.
Collar bone.
So I don’t want to do it.
Under the arms.
I refuse to change.
Liver point.
Change is too difficult.
Wrist point.
I release all my emotional attachments…
…to change is not possible for me.
Top of the head.
I release all my emotional attachments…
…to I can’t change.
Beginning of the eyebrows.
Because change is hard.
Side of the eyes.
It is too hard.
Under the eyes.
But maybe not all change is equal.
Under the nose.
Some change is hard and it really sucks.
On the chin.
But now I’m just tapping on my face and body.
Collar bone.
And I’m doing that from the comfort of my home.
Under the arms.
It’s not that difficult.
Liver point.
I do feel better as I tap.
On the wrist point.
Change is not that difficult. It’s not that hard.
Top of the head.
I’m open to change being easier than I thought.
Beginning of the eyebrows.
Some change sucks.
Side of the eyes.
Like break-ups, deaths, and taxes.
Under the eyes.
But through this tapping, I am healing wounds.
Under the nose.
I am shifting limiting beliefs.
Chin.
This makes me more resilient.
Collar bone.
It makes me stronger.
Under the arms.
Without those emotional wounds…
… people can’t poke thei grubby fingers to me.
On the liver point.
This change is good for me.
Wrist point.
It is easy enough for me to do it.
Top of the head.
I choose to put in some effort and energy for this safe and beneficial change.
Take a deep breath. Inhale, relax, and exhale.
Good. Hope that has been helpful. If you like that, subscribe here or there.
I make videos like this every Thursday. Every Friday, I released testimonials of people who have put in the work, and put in the effort, and are tapping, and are making these kinds of transformation.
I will talk to you next week. Have a great one. Bye for now.
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below for a free video course to start to overcome it.
Sebastiaan van der Schrier is a Social Confidence Coach and ex social anxiety sufferer. He helps socially anxious people become confident using a unique and painless approach. He is the host of the Social Anxiety Solutions podcast show and runs the first ever online Social Confidence Community.
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