Frequently Asked Questions
FAQ’s about the Social Confidence System:
What is EFT?
I’ve personally used EFT to overcome my own social anxiety. I’ve been anxiety-free for years after suffering from severe social anxiety.
And since 2009 I’ve been using it in my coaching to help hundreds of socially anxious clients beat their social anxiety with great success.
EFT is very effective to beat your anxiety.
What is it?
It stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques and it’s a psychological form of acupuncture.
But instead of using needles, you tap on certain acupressure points on the face and body while focusing on a traumatic memory or painful emotion.
The tapping processes the emotion, and you experience relief. In a short time, you end up feeling calm and at peace.
How is that possible?
Studies have shown that EFT reduces the production of the stress hormone cortisol and increases production of serotonin and other neurochemicals.
These biochemical responses help regulate the autonomic nervous system and create a sense of calm.
It's an incredibly effective, yet gentle technique to rapidly neutralise excessive negative emotions like fear, anxiety, hurt, shame, anger, guilt, insecurity, and to clear limiting beliefs like “I’m not good enough”, “people don’t like me”, “there’s something wrong with me” and so on.
On my "Social Anxiety Solutions podcast" I interview psychologists, researchers, therapists, coaches, doctors and psychotherapists who rave about the effectiveness of EFT.
They share how it helps their clients get much faster results with less stress, and how it helps people get results for whom nothing else has worked.
Each show we discuss a social anxiety related topic (worrying about what others think, not feeling like you belong, how to overcome shame, how to increase self acceptance, bullying, fear of rejection, dating and sex, how to make friends, etc) and the experts share their best social anxiety solutions.
You can listen to that here (or type in “Social Anxiety Solutions” in iTunes or your podcast app):
EFT is a technique that has been scientifically proven to get results and is supported by the world's leading personal development experts, medical doctors, and psychologists.
It combines modern psychology with ancient Chinese medicine to rapidly release negative emotions.
EFT has been featured in popular media like Dr. Oz show, Larry King, Psychology Today, Huffington Post, and it’s now being used by an estimated 10 million people worldwide.
The best way to know what the power of EFT can do for you is by giving it a committed try.
Don’t just read about it, TRY it. Give it a committed try and you’ll have your world rocked.
On my website I teach how to use EFT to overcome social anxiety.
I have a free “social confidence starter kit” for you where I share how I overcame my social anxiety, and what steps are required using EFT to do the same.
And part of that starter kit is a free video series where I teach EFT, and give you an experience of it, along with some exercises to reduce your social anxiety immediately.
You can get that here.
Why are my EFT’s results only temporary?
When you're only having temporary results there are 3 common causes of this.
1. You're using tapping aimed at the social anxiety symptoms, and you're not addressing the underlying causes of the anxiety being there.
What we label as anxiety (racing heart, doom thinking, tightness in chest, lump in throat etc) is our body's response to the activation of the fight flight freeze (FFF) response.
This response gets activated whenever your mind perceives danger.
If you're only tapping on the social anxiety symptoms (the racing hear, the doom thinking, etc) you may get some temporary relief.
But, when you're just tapping on the symptoms of the problem, and you're not using the tapping to get rid of the perception of danger, your mind still perceives danger.
As long as there is a perception of danger, there will always be the in-built response to danger (FFF-response) to put your body in survival mode.
And you will still feel anxiety.
The below animation explains what anxiety really is quite well:
However, when you use EFT on where you learned the perception of danger and you get rid of it, there won't be a FFF activation, and your anxiety will be gone.
2. You haven't overcome the subconscious resistance to being free of your social anxiety.
"Subconscious resistance is your subconscious mind resisting something you are trying to achieve consciously.
While you consciously want to overcome your social anxiety and feel calm and confident socially...
... your sub-conscious is resistant to your letting go of it.
It resists change because it believes it’s not safe or beneficial.
And as long as your powerful subconscious believes change isn’t safe and beneficial for you…
… it will make sure you won’t change.
To explain subconscious resistance in detail and how to get rid of it is beyond the scope of this little window here. I interview EFT-Master Lindsay Kenny on this exact topic here.
You'll have a crystal clear understanding of subconscious resistance, how without resolving it your results will always be temporary, and you'll be guided through some tapping to clear the general subconscious resistance.
Aside from that I've interviewed tapping expert and psychologist Steve Wells on the same topic, here.
The title of the interview "this stops 95% of social anxiety sufferers from getting better" says it all.
Until you overcome the subconscious resistance, you'll always struggle because your subconscious doesn't believe you're safe without anxiety.
Once subconscious resistance is cleared, and all parts of believe change is safe and beneficial for you, you'll be able to permanently be anxiety-free.
3. You haven't dealt with all the aspects of your social anxiety problem.
Social anxiety is in most cases a more complex problem, with lots of aspects (smaller parts) to it.
As an analogy, you can see social anxiety as a huge pie, which can be broken down into smaller parts.
There are pie slices of resistance, of symptoms, memories, parts of memories, beliefs, fears, emotions, etc.
Your social anxiety might consist of 100 pie slices (aspects).
If you only address 80 of these, there are still 20 aspects active, and these can cause you to remain anxious in those situations.
Until all of the parts, or aspects, have been resolved, you may still feel anxiety in social situations.
And it may seem like "EFT didn't work very well" or my social anxiety eventually "came back" or EFT “didn’t work at all.”
In reality, the parts of the problem (the slices of the pie, or aspects) you have already resolved are often still resolved, and the anxiety is caused by the aspects that remain.
Persistence is key. You might need to work with an expert to find the remaining hidden aspects.
Once all the aspects of the social anxiety problem have been resolved, you'll be free of your anxiety.
Can I download the SCS?
Unfortunately, this is not possible.
While I would like for you to have that convenience, and while you're not the first person requesting this, I have chosen to not make this possible.
I do not want to risk the product being one of the many downloads on a peer-to-peer sharing website. Therefore I only offer the SCS in this format, with streaming videos.
I hope you understand.
What if English is not my first language? Will tapping or the SCS still work for me?
That English is not your first language is not a problem.
When we verbalise certain phrases while tapping this is for the most part to keep us focused on the emotions and feelings.
Your subconscious mind will do the translating for you automatically.
However, in some situations -especially with early childhood memories- my recommendation would be to only use your own language when there are certain phrases that have more emotional meaning to you, when you say them in your own language.
For example, my mom said “ik walk van je, parg”, which doesn’t translate that well to English.
It translates roughly to “you disgust me, annoying person”.
But in Dutch is used to sound a lot harsher, and more real to me, when I would verbalise it.
So in those situations, when you were called a certain horrible thing, or if there was a certain phrase used to describe you, or there were certain things kids would say that have emotional sting for you, use your own language.
In all other situations, you can simply use English.
I do all my sessions in English, and my coaches have all been English, and I'm Dutch and have English as my second language.
Besides, In the Social Confidence System, while a lot of it is guided and in English, many of the key exercises can easily be done in your own language.
So in short: no worries!
I am on X medication. Can I use the Social Confidence System?
First off, I'm not a Medical Doctor, so I cannot give you any advice, other than my opinion based on my limited experience.
That said, as I understand it, medication alters your brain chemistry.
And research has shown that tapping decreases the amount of cortisol production, and increases your serotonin levels. And these biochemical responses create a sense of calm.
So from my limited understanding, medication alters your brain chemistry, and so does tapping...
...which is why I suggest you check in with your mental health care provider and ask this question as he or she is the expert.
The effects of my Social Confidence System MIGHT not be as effective. They could be less effective, but that's not a given at all.
I've also heard it said by EFT experts that the positive effects of your medication improve. However, this is merely speculation, and isn't advice.
I may depend on the type of medication, the frequency you take them, how you respond to them, etc.
Again, best to consult with your doctor.
When your doctor gives you the go ahead sign, my suggestion would be to use the program, and see what results you are getting.
If you are getting great results, then continue forward and be sure to keep in check with your doctor regarding your prescribed medication.
It might just be that the medication needs to be adjusted as the reason for taking the medication (which I ASSUME is excess anxiety) could become less relevant, or not relevant.
If and when you are changing as you go through the program, you want to check in with your medical doctor.
I am emotionally numb. I don’t feel anything about my past. I only get triggered in the moment. Now what?
This is something I dealt with in the beginning of my EFT journey as well.
I would get triggered in real life scenarios, but when I was asked in a therapy session how I felt about XYZ I had no emotional response whatsoever. Couldn't feel anything.
I've since also worked with quite a few clients who've had the same challenge since then and have they have gotten great results after initial struggle.
So you're not alone this and there are solutions available.
A few things can be going on here. One is that you’re not vividly imagining what can be going on.
Some simple instructions (really vividly image being in the situation again, step into your younger self's shoes, see what you saw, notice the details, the expressions on the faces, the look in the eyes, hear the sounds, tune into what you felt) can remedy this.
But this is less commonly the case when you can't feel the feelings. Though try this first!
It is more likely that your subconscious has switched off your awareness of your feeling in order to keep you safe and protect you from the enduring emotional pain.
This is what was the case for me.
I had experienced a lot of trauma for a long time, and my subconscious had shut off the ability to access my feelings about the past.
It took some persistent inner work of get back to feeling my feelings and emotions again.
And it’s been SO WORTH IT!
When you are disconnected from your feelings like you describe, I don't recommend working with the Social Confidence System alone.
You really want to get some proper help, and I highly suggest working with a therapist.
Check out this very empowering podcast interview with EFT Master Sophia Cayer on the benefits of working with a great therapist.
Contrary to what you might believe, change does not have to be painful, and you can get results quite quickly. A first session you'll already experience huge relief.
And in time you'll feel so much better it's beyond words to describe.
Trust me on this one, I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I'm at to day if I hadn't worked with the many experts who have guided me.
Me suggesting you work with a therapist might not be what you like to hear, but working with an expert alongside doing the tapping work and other energy psychology techniques will give you the best possible results.
I wouldn’t be where I am if I hadn’t worked with my coach. Aside from being free of anxiety, my life has improved on so many other levels, it’s beyond description the benefit I have gotten from getting outside help.
There’s this ridiculous stigma on working with a therapist, but there’s tremendous value in it.
I strongly recommend listening to the advice of psychotherapist, supervisor of therapists, and my supervisor, Dr David Lake, on this podcast show:
If you absolutely cannot do that for whatever reason, you may experience some success by using the trauma buster technique on all your memories.
Additionally, there are a few other techniques I recommend looking into.
There’s Matrix Re-imprinting (you would do this with a practitioner, not by yourself) which is an advanced form of EFT which combines Neuro Linguistic Programming and Inner Child work.
I have been using this for years and have benefited from this both personally and have used it successfully in my coaching.
Matrix Re-Imprinting is a tool that can be used for people that have their emotions numbed, like you say you experience.
Additionally, there’s a variety of other energetic healing tools I benefited from which I recommend checking out.
One is called "the Emotion Code”, another one called “PSYCH-K”, another one called TAT, and another one called “Logosynthesis”.
These are all very powerful healing techniques too, I use them in my own coaching nearly every session, I have benefited from these tremendously, and they can be very helpful to you too.
Seb, my life sucks to much. Please HELP!
Sorry to hear you are suffering so much. I know it can be really hard to deal with this, and you’re not alone in this.
I also know there are many ways to find relief in your situation.
Understanding your problem, can help give you relief. This video simplifies what’s going on:
These beliefs I refer to at the end of the video are learned through negative life experiences, or (mini) traumas.
Via various approaches (like using EFT in the right way) these negative life experiences can be neutralised, and the beliefs causing the perception of danger can be let go of.
Regardless of how bad your social anxiety is, and how long you’ve had it, there is great hope for you when you use the right resources, and get help where you need it.
You can start to help yourself by learning more about Emotional Freedom Techniques.
In my free social confidence starter kit I share how to overcome social anxiety using EFT, and you also receive a video series where I teach you the tapping, and give you an experience of it. With this you can reduce your social anxiety today.
Get the free social confidence starter kit here.
Plus I have tons of free videos on YouTube that can help you. You can find my channel here.
I also have a podcast. On it you’ll hear me (an ex-social anxiety disorder sufferer) interview the super stars of the therapy and psychology world who have been traditionally trained psychologists or psychotherapists who have incorporated an exciting new field into their practice: “Energy psychology”.
These experts share their most effective techniques, empowering solutions, and unbelievably inspiring stories of transformation.
Each show we discuss a social anxiety related topic (shame, self acceptance, sensitivity, bullying, fear of rejection, connection, loneliness, etc) and you’ll get specific action steps to move forward each week.
Listen in and gain the perspective, inspiration and techniques to beat your social anxiety.
Be supported on your journey and create effortless social confidence; where you enjoy connecting with others, unlock your potential, have fun in social situations, and create the friendship and satisfying social life you want.
You can find the podcast in iTunes under “Social Anxiety Solutions” or download or stream them here.
And aside from these resources, I strongly suggest finding a great therapist.
In case you suffer from social anxiety, I can likely help you via online coaching. I have a bunch of testimonials, what to expect, FAQ’s and a form to sign up for a free 20-min intro chat on this page.
Here's a video testimonial as a taster of what's possible:
And there are tons of other great practitioners as well, if you prefer to work with someone else.
And, EFT isn’t the only amazing tool available. There’s emotion code, PSYCH-K, Logosynthesis, TAT and many other amazing modalities that can all help you beat your social anxiety.
I use these techniques in my coaching, and interview the founders of these great energy psychology techniques/modalities on my Social Anxiety Solutions podcast.
So there is plenty of hope and resources available. The question is, what are you going to do about it?
There’s only one moment to stop suffering and that moment is right now.
Decide today that you will take action. Have a look at the abundance of resources I provide. That can be a great first step forward out of this pain.
Each tiny step matters!
A lot of tiny steps makes for a lot of progress.
There’s only a set amount of steps to get to your goal. Start right now, and keep moving forward.
You got this.
Do I have to talk out loud when I do EFT?
Can I whisper?
You do not necessarily have to talk out loud.
What you verbalise is mostly to keep you tuned in to the negative emotion.
People often are worried about people overhearing them (which by the way is a perfect thing to aim your tapping on!).
As long as you remain focused on what you're working on, whispering is fine.
You can even "say it out loud in your mind" (nobody hears it, you hear your own voice in your head).
What is better, 1 on 1 coaching or the Social Confidence System (SCS)?
The SCS is my life’s work. There’s thousands of hours of work and tens of thousands of dollars that have been invested in creating it.
And, it’s the result of nearly 15 years of total immersion obsession with social anxiety and the solutions to it.
I’ve learned from the top therapist, researchers, guru’s and applied the best of their work to social anxiety.
The SCS is really, really, really good. Easy to say as it's my own program, but check this page and hear people who have tried it say some nice things too.
While it's not perfect, it's proven to have been an efficient way to overcome social anxiety step-by-step.
As a downside, it’s a one-size-fits-all approach to overcoming SAD. It’s a do it yourself approach. And while I guide you step-by-step, and the exercises are easy to accomplish, no online program, no matter how good it is, can ever replace 1 on 1 personalised coaching.
1 on 1 coaching is a whole other level of special.
Here you get personalised attention to your specific issues. There is the power of the human connection. You’re guided, it’s fun, and the changes are the deepest and happen the quickest.
With personalised 1 on 1 work you get the best possible results in the shortest amount of time.
How can I become charismatic/be successful with women (or any other pickup artist related question)?
First of all, I'm not a pick up artist. Second of all, I’m sorry you’re dealing with issues in this area.
I’ve had them myself, and they are very painful.
My current perspective is that “charisma”, “being attractive”, “enjoying making eye contact”, “feeling confident starting a conversation with a woman”, “being confident sexually” are for the most part a result of your inner psychology.
Achieving this “inner psychology” is something that partly comes from experience, but for the most part can be achieved by getting rid of the learned insecurities, fears and negative limiting beliefs that are in the way of you being comfortable with yourself.
Luckily, there are nowadays very powerful emotional release techniques, like EFT.
These can help you get rid of your fears, insecurities, shame, low self esteem, etc.
They can help you create a solid inner psychology more quickly than any other self help technique I’ve ever found.
I interview many EFT experts on my podcast, who are also psychologists, healers, coaches, researchers and psychotherapists.
They share how thanks to EFT they have been able to help their clients overcome issues with shame, social anxiety, sex problems, dating issues, not belonging, much faster than with regular therapy.
Here's a quote from one of the podcast episodes, by a psychotherapist in practice for over 30 years.
In the world of techniques there's nothing like tapping as far as I'm concerned and I’ve looked into all of them, every single one. I think of my therapeutic life and techniques as before tapping and after tapping. I’m the same person but my results for just phenomenal after tapping.
Dr. David Lake
Psychotherapist
Find the podcast episodes here...
...or type in "Social Anxiety Solutions" in your podcast app.
With EFT you can get rid of what's in the way of you being more comfortable with yourself.
Once you’re more comfortable with yourself, and more comfortable starting a conversation, you can start to gather some real life experience to enhance your positive beliefs about yourself.
The bad news is that this isn’t going to change overnight. The good news, is that you can change it.
And, with EFT and other techniques like it you can much more quickly achieve your goal.
My EFT-based Social Confidence System helps in making you more comfortable with yourself big time.
However, while it will make you more comfortable with social interactions and women, it is not focused on approaching women, dating, and sex.
It’s an online DIY program that helps you get your inner psychology together, by getting rid of the insecurities and low self esteem...
... by neutralising your excess neediness...
... by eradicating your social anxiety at it's roots.
It's not a "knowledge" program. It's about using a simple emotional release technique (EFT) to clear anything that's in the way of you being socially comfortable.
There's no "awkwardly forcing yourself to face your fears". It's a totally different approach.
And it's very powerful.
I’ve spent most of my teens and twenties looking for *the* social anxiety cure, if such a thing actually existed. After a 10+ year search (& plenty of snake oil salesmen), I stumbled over the psychological equivalent of the holy grail: EFT & Sebastiaan’s EFT-based Social Confidence System. I’ve made more headway in a few months using the SCS than the previous 10+ years of talk therapy, cog-behavioral therapy, hypnosis & affirmations combined. Seriously. This s–t works. Thanks again, Sebastiaan!
You can find out more here.
Ow, and stop watching porn. It’s messing you up more that you might want to hear.
I suggest listening to the important interview "why stopping porn can reduce your social anxiety" with porn researcher Gary Wilson here.
Additionally, if you're really stuck with women and you have been for a long time, I suggest you reach out to a therapist.
Google “relational therapy” and see if you can find someone to help you.
There’s a huge stigma on therapy, but when you have the right therapist this can be better than any kind of technique, or any kind of self-help program out there.
Find a great therapist and work together to help you become completely comfortable with yourself, your sexuality, who you are as a man, your purpose, your relationship with women, etc.
That's when you're naturally charismatic, and you attract the amazing relationships in your life you truly want.
FAQ’s about 1 on 1 coaching:
Will it be hard or painful?
There are no endless hours of talking about your problems. No reliving of painful trauma.
And no forcing of yourself to awkwardly face your fears…
… just positive steps that go directly to the core of your social anxiety.
You'll feel calmer, relieved, and more energised after every single session.
Using the approach we use, overcoming your social anxiety does not have to be a struggle.
The key to our coaching sessions is eliminating the negative emotions (shame, fears, anxieties, embarrassment, etc.) that hold you back.
Together, we’ll change your irrational, self-limiting beliefs into powerful and positive ones.
Yes, you might experience a brief flurry of negative emotions... yet you won't dwell on them any longer than necessary.
I'm talking about minutes here.
While you will tune in to negative emotions and memories from the past, the emotional upset you experience is short-lived.
With EFT -and other energy psychology techniques- we get rid of the pain gently and efficiently.
Do I have to face my fears?
You do not have to force yourself to face your fears.
No awkward exposures necessary.
This is not CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). You do face your fears, but you do so internally first.
I help you get to the root of your fears. And using EFT we then effectively neutralise it.
After this you will face the situation you formerly feared with confidence.
Will I look foolish?
One of the main techniques I use to get quick results for my clients is EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques).
This technique -used in the right way, and applied to the right issues- rapidly reduces negative emotions.
Doing this technique involves tapping on certain acupressure points on your face and body.
During our coaching sessions I will instruct you where to tap, and what to say.
You'll be copying me. You tap where I tap, and you repeat what I say.
Yes, that looks a bit silly at first. But, you won't need to do that in public.
I will teach you some simple strategies for using it in public settings, without other people noticing it. So that you can calm down your anxiety in the moment immediately.
So aside from tapping inside the privacy of your own home, no you won't look foolish.
In fact, nobody has to know that you're getting rid of your social anxiety, as you're doing the tapping from the comfort of your own home.
Will this really work for ME?
When you have tried a lot of things and nothing has worked...
it's common to start to feel hopeless you will ever overcome your problem.
But this kind of coaching is nothing like what you may have tried before.
This is an entirely different approach.
Let’s look at some logic and reason.
You’re not born anxious. Which means you learned how to become anxious.
From painful experiences in your past you created negative limiting beliefs.
These beliefs cause your brain to perceive danger in social situations.
This perception of danger activates the fight, flight, freeze response.
This results in anxiety. The animated video I created explains this quite well:
I will help you find the experiences that led to your social anxiety. With EFT (a technique to rapidly release negative emotions) we then neutralise these, and in doing so get rid of the limiting beliefs.
Once we’ve changed the core beliefs responsible for your mind perceiving danger…
… the built-in response to danger (fight, flight, or freeze response) won’t get activated.
And your anxiety will be gone.
What is EFT? Is it a placebo?
EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Techniques and is part of a powerful new field called Energy Psychology (EP).
EP combines established Western approaches to therapy, such as exposure therapy (a researched and established Western approach to treatment) with non-Western, holistic techniques of healing and spiritual development.
EFT is an unusual looking tapping technique that combines ancient Chinese acupressure with modern psychology to quickly shift the brain’s neural pathways.
EFT has been proven to be effective and can help you process trauma, release negative emotions (shame, hurt, fear, anxiety, guilt, etc) and change negative limiting beliefs often much faster than conventional therapy can.
EFT is not a placebo. You don't have to believe in it for it to work.
EFT is also not a distraction technique. To the contrary, when you use EFT you specifically focus on the problem while you stimulate certain acupressure points on the face and body.
While it's a relatively new approach (about 20 years old) it's beginning to become mainstream.
EFT was featured on the Dr Oz show, the Huffington post, Psychology today, etc.
Personal development experts like Tony Robbins and Wayne Dyer recommend it.
The techniques of EP have provided me with invaluable tools for working with trauma. No therapist can afford to remain ignorant of this new and exciting field.
Nathaniel Brandon, PhD
Author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem
EFT is being used by millions of people worldwide, and leading voices in the psychology world recommend it.
EP techniques and procedures can bring about remarkably rapid changes in the way people feel.
Bessel van der KolkProfessor of Psychiatry, Boston University School of Medicine
In the below video you see the results of EFT experts working with war veterans suffering from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - one of the worst anxiety-disorders).
The transformation of these people is both obvious and profound. After I saw this video, I decided to use EFT to overcome my own social anxiety.
If you're skeptical, there's probably nothing I can say that will convince you that EFT is the real deal.
And that's OK, maybe it's not your thing.
However, I know that when you give this a committed try (and get help when you need it), you'll become a raving fan.
Because when you feel something shift inside of you, that change is undeniable.
And when you rapidly release a sense of shame or a feeling of fear that's been with you for decades, you'll know EFT is the real deal.
Don't disregard this, give it a committed try. You'll have your (inner) world rocked.
How long will it take to overcome my SA?
Anywhere from a couple of weeks, to a couple of months.
How long this will take depends on a variety of factors.
Like how intense and pervasive your social anxiety is and how challenging your past has been.
And how much (subconscious) resistance you have. Or what your current life experience looks like.
Every person is unique and every situation is unique. So it's impossible to give you an exact prediction. However...
Your social anxiety problem can be broken down into smaller pieces. And using EFT we focus on getting rid of one piece of your problem at a time.
Step by step you’ll start feeling more and more confident and at ease.
And in a relatively short time you will be able to just be yourself and enjoy social situations like others can.
I can give you an estimation, based upon 6 years of solely coaching socially phobic clients.
Here are the averages:
More than 90% of people experience an emotional shift after the first session.
They feel something has changed. They report feeling lighter, more comfortable, happier, more at peace, more optimistic.
Some people are done in just 3 sessions. About 35% of people is free of social anxiety in 3 weeks.
Others who have very severe social anxiety I see for more sessions. However...
Just about all people I work with experience life transforming results within 3 sessions.
What I can promise you, is that you will start to feel more calm and confident after each and every session.
And, you can expect a progressive reduction of your social anxiety.
What is the benefit of working with you?
Having overcome my own social anxiety, I can personally relate your problem.
I am specialised in helping people overcome social anxiety. I solely work with socially anxious clients.
Since Oct 2009 I have helped hundreds of socially anxious clients for thousands of hours.
I know you can get rid of this too.
You might prefer working with me because:
- You get to share your story and challenges with someone who understands your thoughts and feelings. Instead of judged, you feel understood and accepted.
- You don’t have to do your own detective work. So you don’t have to worry about doing it wrong. You feel safe making this important change in your life.
- You are guided to discover the challenges you’ve been blind to yourself. These blind spots often are the core issues to shift. By shifting these life-transforming change happens on a profound level.
- You are deeply listened to with someone who is totally present with you. You chat with someone who meets you where you’re at. You’re then gently probed and invited to come to your own insights.
- You quickly update the outdated programs that sabotage your life.
- You have personal access to me via email. You receive support, encouragement, and perspective.
- You often have fun making change!
Can I use EFT to solve my SA on my own?
You can definitely use EFT on your own.
And when you...
1. Take the time required to study it.
2. Gain experience using it.
... you are likely able to make some progress on your own.
However, “some progress” and “life-changing results” is a world of difference.
The results you are able to get on your own vs the results you get when working with an experienced coach is bigger than huge.
Overcoming your social anxiety is challenging.
Even if you’ve studied and know all about EFT…
You need to uncover the right past events that led to your current suffering.
Find the beliefs that cause the perception of danger. Know how to change them effectively...
... there is (subconscious) resistance that needs to be uncovered and overcome.
You need to know what to do when you get stuck, and why you get stuck.
And you need persistence to clear out every last trigger.
In short: It’s quite a puzzle solve on your own.
I don’t know of anyone who has done it on his own. I have had a lot of outside help myself.
The real deeper issues we are often blind to consciously (we have so-called "subconscious blinds-spots")
Having had someone guide me, who has the perspective has been life-changing.
One EFT Master says “even the best surgeon can’t remove his own appendix”.
You could start out on your own, and work with a coach once you’ve reached a plateau.
Or, you can start out with a coach and get a head-start.
Or, you can be guided and supported on your whole journey to social comfort.
Working with an experienced coach you can overcome your social anxiety in the most gentle and quickest way.
What if I don't know what caused my SA?
Most people I work with don’t know what caused their social anxiety.
In fact, I’d say about 75% of them either don’t know, or what they think is the cause turns out not to be the cause.
This is because often the causes are hidden to you consciously. But your subconscious mind has all the answers.
During the coaching process I’m using some simple and efficient techniques to help you get to the root of your problems.
You don’t need to worry about doing it wrong, you simply follow my lead.
Finding the causes of your social anxiety is not your job.
I’ll help you uncover the repetitive negative experiences, the (mini)-trauma’s, the resistance to letting it go and the negative limiting beliefs.
This is an easy process, and often quite fun (as you can hear and read in the testimonials on this page).
Together we form a team and we will uproot whatever it is that caused, and is perpetuating your social anxiety.
I had a happy childhood, why am I anxious?
You don’t need to have a traumatic childhood in order to develop social anxiety.
The events responsible for your social anxiety can be subtle. It can be a critical father, an anxious mom, or being compared to your older brother.
And sometimes a single experience can kick-start it.
Plus, something that was terrible to you as a 7 year old, can be seen to you as “insignificant” as an adult.
You might not consciously know why you're anxious, but I can assure you there is a reason, and it can be found and eliminated.
You don’t need to worry about “where it came from” during coaching.
Your subconscious mind knows exactly what is causing your social anxiety.
And, with some gentle guidance it will naturally present what needs resolution.
If the above questions did not answer your question…
For any other questions about EFT specifically, please visit the official EFT website
For any question about your specific social anxiety challenge, please consider booking a 20min intro chat with me, to see if coaching is something for you.
*I cannot give you insight into your issues, or coach you via email.
For any other question that isn’t answered by the above answers yet, please use the contact form below and keep your question to 200 characters or less.
Thank you.
Warm regards,
Sebastiaan