SUMMARY
Have you ever wondered if there is one significant negative emotional experience that caused your social anxiety?
Did you think that if you clear this one negative experience, your social anxiety problem will be finally resolved?
Get the answer by watching today’s video.
Or, join us in our FREE 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge where you will receive powerful lessons and simple exercises to help you significantly reduce your social anxiety.
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FULL TRANSCRIPTION
Tapping Myth #2: There is only one core event.
Hey, this is Sebastiaan from social-anxiety-solutions.com
I’m a social confidence coach, and I help people with Social Anxiety feel calm and relaxed in social situations.
I’ve been doing that for about 12 years, and I overcame my own Social Anxiety, and I got on quite a journey to get to this place.
And a big part of getting to this place is learning and applying and receiving coaching sessions from coaches, psychotherapists, and others who specialize in a particular technique called tapping. Also called E F T.
If you do it in the right way, you can call it EFT Emotional Freedom Techniques. That’s why I talk more often about tapping because my approach is slightly different.
It’s a bit of a mix of all the techniques that I found to be effective. So, don’t let that bore you about what’s the perfect term.
Alright.
One of the misconceptions that are out there / one of the myths is that – “Okay, I have social anxiety. Now I’ve learned a little bit about tapping. And the idea is that there’s a particular core event. And if I find this amazing core event, then all my Social Anxiety will be gone. Once I’ve cleared that. Once I’ve used tapping to neutralize that experience.”
And I’m here to tell you that is not true in general.
And like I said, I’ve been doing this for 12 years, and I’ve logged over 5,000 coaching hours, and I haven’t had a single client for whom that was the case. So I’m talking about hundreds of people.
Now, there is often an Initial Significant Experience that kick-starts to Social Anxiety, or like an experience that worsens pre-existing Social Anxiety. And that one is very important to address because it’s like the splinter in your finger. When you don’t remove that splinter, the wound cannot heal.
However, that specific experience you cannot always get to.
Sometimes, it’s as easy as questioning ~ “Well, when did my social anxiety start? Well, I had this experience where I got rejected in front of everyone. And after that, it went downhill.” — Okay, that’s a very clear clue.
Or “I got bullied, and after I got bullied, the moment I started to get bullied, that’s when my Social Anxiety started.” — Aha! Those are clear clues.
However, that’s not there for everyone.
And sometimes, it is there, but it is hidden to you consciously, and you cannot access it immediately because it’s too painful of an event for your subconscious mind to let you go to immediately.
So what do you do then?
Well, you just relax.
And you don’t make such a big drama out of finding this core event. Because even though it’s the splinter that needs to be removed from your finger, it will be removed at the time you’re ready for it.
Often enough, you simply need to do a bit more work, get a bit more experience, have more comfort with the technique, have more experience of releasing more recent events that are not so big and traumatic.
And sometimes, you simply need the help of an expert to guide you through that.
By the way, I call that out on my channel more frequently, and that’s not because I desperately am looking for more clients. In fact, I’m not available for one-on-one coaching. So, I just want to make it clear that I’m saying that to you because there’s tremendous value in that. I don’t want you to underestimate that.
There’s a big difference between going at things all by yourself or having assistance from someone who’s an expert.
So, let that be clear.
Now back to the story, there’s not a single core effect.
So what is there then?
Well, typically, my experience is that there is a bunch of stuff that happened in early childhood – Repetitive Negative Experiences. In other words, relational trauma, relationship with your mom, relationship with your dad, maybe critical parents, maybe you had an alcoholic parent, maybe your parents were perfectionistic, maybe they’re always fighting, something! I can go on and on about what it might have been.
And that has made you more vulnerable to developing Social Anxiety in the first place, or it already kick-started the anxiety really early on.
And this is often the case when people report, “I’ve been anxious for as long as I can remember,” which is almost ~ well, let’s say a little bit more than half of the people that I’ve seen over all of these years.
And then, there’s sometimes an Initial Significant Experience that kick-starts the Social Anxiety or that worsens the pre-existing anxiety.
But then, you’re dealing with this Social Anxiety problem.
And then, from that place, along with your vulnerability to Social Anxiety, other crappy social experiences happen.
Other significant emotional experiences start to occur.
And some of these are important to look at and address as well.
And as you’re having these significant emotional experiences, you learn things from them.
You get rejected in front of a bunch of people – the example that I used earlier.
You might develop the belief from that “Ah! Guys that are like this hate me or girls that looked like that hate me, or they looked down on me, or I’m weird, or there’s something wrong with me or people don’t like me or whatever”. So you get some learning from it. It’s a split-second subconscious learning which forms of belief.
Now that belief is an emotionalized thought through which you perceive the world in the here and now.
So, right now, you’re running around with a lot of old beliefs. And these old beliefs are causing your brain to see threats, which results in? You guessed it – anxiety.
The trick is to neutralize these beliefs that cause the perception of threat.
And a lot of these come from these specific experiences.
Now, you do not have to worry that every single event that ever happened to you, that was traumatic, you got to treat? It’s not like that.
There are certain key ones, the first one, the worst one. And there’s just a bunch of things that need to be addressed. And that can take time. So you want to go gentle, and you want to go easy.
If there is such a thing as your core event, and you’re not able to find it or doesn’t come up when asking yourself questions like: “what was the first time I can remember feeling this way?” Then just relax. It’s going to come to the surface. When it needs to come to the surface, you can work with a practitioner, and you just go with what your subconscious mind presents to you.
You work with the elephant in the room.
And what I mean by that is like, what is the thought or what is the emotion? Or what is the bodily sensation? Or what is the future fantasy? Or what is the memory that is in my awareness right now?
What is grabbing your attention? What’s the elephant in the room? That is the thing that your subconscious is presenting to you on a silver platter for you to work on.
And that’s when you tap.
And you’ve addressed this particular thing? Okay, what’s the elephant in the room now? It’s this thing.
It just follows the trail, and bit by bit, step by step, eventually, if there is such a thing as your core event, it will bubble to the surface for you to release. And it’s good stuff.
I hope I have cleared that up for you.
And this was EFT Myth #2.
Subscribe if you haven’t already.
One more quick thing, the 30 Day Social Confidence challenge is going to kick off on the first of January 2022.
That’s going to rock your world.
What I put in these 30 days is some of the best of the best of 12 years of being a coach.
And now, seven years before that, studying social anxiety solutions, over 600 sessions that I received as a client or mentoring or supervision, workshops all over the world, and the best of the best is crammed in just 30 days.
Bite-sized, simple 10 minutes videos each and every day where you make a little bit of progress to it.
By the end of 30 days, you’ve reduced your Social Anxiety, and you feel so much more hopeful, you have a much better understanding of how you psychologically function, why you have the problem, and how you can step by step overcome it.
This is really, really fantastic, and I think you’re really going to love it.
So, you can sign up by going to bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge.
That’s bit.ly/socialconfidencechallenge
Go do that now, and I’ll see you very soon.
Bye!
If you experience Social Anxiety, click below to receive the FREE “7 Secrets to Social Confidence” Mini Course!
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