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Are you afraid of judgment from others?
Well, not surprisingly, though, this is the number 1 fear of people who suffers from social anxiety.
And in this episode, Sebastiaan will be guiding you through a tap – along on this particular fear.
Enjoy tapping along!
Are you afraid of being judged socially?
My name is Sebastiaan van der Schrier. I’m a former Social Anxiety Disorder sufferer, and I’m a Social Confidence coach.
Welcome to Social Anxiety Solutions!
The fear of being judged is, according to my poll (which is an email to all other people on my email list) the number one fear that people who suffer from social anxiety have.
Of course, it’s a fear that I dealt with for a long time myself as well. So, I know what it is like. And I also know what is required to overcome it.
However, I’m not going to talk so much about that because that’s actually a long story. People are not typically so interested in a longer story. They just want a quick fix.
And my guess is that you want a quick fix. So, I’m going to give you a quick fix.
However, before I give you that quick fix, what we’re going to do is we’re going to do a little bit of tapping on that particular fear.
I want to set the stage and make it clear what this is going to do and what this is not going to do.
When you have a fear of being judged negatively, the deeper underlying issue is that you’re not okay with yourself.
You’re not really accepting all parts of yourself.
Some parts of yourself, you might be okay with, but other parts of you you’re not.
And you might also not really trust people, etc.
There are a bunch of things going on deeper underlying issues. And as a result, there’s that fear.
That fear is more like a symptom than the actual cause.
In order to get rid of the fear completely and feel totally at ease socially, there’s a lot more that needs to be done than the simple 3 or 5-minute exercise we’re going to do.
But these 3 or 5-minute exercise that we’re going to do is likely going to reduce the fear for you. And so, then you have a bit of a taster. You go, “Wow, hey, this kind of works, I feel better. What if I actually start doing the deeper inner work? And actually, I now have perhaps found something with which I can overcome this problem so I can live a quality life where I don’t have to be afraid of other people’s judgment.”
So, this is just going to work on the symptoms, and it’s going to reduce them a little bit. And likely just temporarily.
Though, who knows!
I think it will benefit you for a longer period of time a bit.
But if you’re smart, you actually start doing the work to overcome the problem completely.
If you have weeds in your garden, you can take a scissor and start cutting the weeds – that’s going to do something. It’s going to make your garden look a little bit better.
But soon enough, the weeds are back because the root has not been removed.
What you want to do with this approach is remove these weeds’ roots in all so that they won’t grow back anymore.
That’s possible because then, “I’m not worried about your judgment at this moment.”
When I’m out, I’m not worried about people’s judgment. And that’s because I’ve done the deeper inner work, not a five-minute tap along.
That being said, it is going to help you feel a little bit better. And that’s what I want this to be.
Long explanation. We’re going to keep this under 10 minutes. So, we’re going to do five minutes of tapping.
I want you to close your eyes. And with your eyes closed, think of people’s judgment that you’re afraid of.
You can either think of people in particular or you can think about people in general.
And rate your fear of their judgment on a scale of 0 to 10.
10 is as strong as the fear can get; 0 is I feel completely fine.
Now follow along with me.[Just tap here on the side of the hand and say,]
Even though I’m afraid of people’s judgment,
I’m worried about what they think of me.
They might reject me.
They might not like me.
They might criticize me.
And they might think all these horrible things about me.
I’m afraid of their judgment.
And even though I have this fear…
…I want to try to accept this fear.
Even though I don’t like it,
I want to try to accept this fear
at some point perhaps…
a little bit…
Good![Tapping on the beginning of the eyebrows] I’m afraid to be judged. [Side of the eyes] I’m afraid that they’ll judge me. [Under the eyes.] I am worried about their judgment. [Under the nose.] And it’s not safe to let go of that fear of their judgment. [Chin.] I can’t let go of that fear. [Collarbone.] It’s impossible to let go of that fear. [Under the arms.] I’ve always been afraid of their judgment. [Wrist point.] I’m so used to feeling this fear of their judgment. [Top of the head.] It’s part of my identity! [Beginning of the eyebrows.] Who would I be if I don’t have this? [Side of the eyes.] I can’t let go of it. [Under the eyes.] I release all my resistances and aversions to letting go of this fear. [Under the nose.] It’s scary if they judge me. [Chin.] They shouldn’t do it. [Collarbone.] I can’t handle it. [Under the arms.] What if they judge me? [Liver point.] I’m so worried about it. [Wrist point.] If they judge me… [Top of the head.] I’m going to crumble. [Beginning of the eyebrows.] It’s the worst thing in the world. [Side of the eyes.] If they judge me, I will die. [Under the eyes.] There’s no way that I can ever handle someone’s judgment. [Under the nose.] They will have a negative thought about me? [Chin.] Oh my God! [Collarbone.] How will I ever be able to stand that? [Under the arms.] It’s such a disaster if other people have thoughts in their minds about me. [Wrist point.] I can’t allow that to happen. [Top of the head.] I got to control their thinking. [Beginning of the eyebrows.] They shouldn’t think these things of me! [Side of the eyes.] This fear of their judgment. [Under the eyes.] I wonder what would happen… [Under the nose.] …if I allowed them to judge me. [Chin.] I can’t do that! [Collarbone.] I got to fight their judgment. [Under the arms.] I wonder what would happen if I gave them permission to judge me. [Wrist point.] They’re doing it anyway! [Top of the head.] What would happen if I gave them permission? [Beginning of the eyebrows.] I’ll never give them permission. [Side of the eyes.] It’s not safe to give them permission. [Under the eyes.] What’s the worst that could happen? [Under the nose.] They’re already judging me anyway. [Chin.] What if I just accept it and allow it? [Collarbone.] It’s usually just my imagination of what they think of me anyway. [Under the arms.] I’m willing to consider the possibility… [Wrist point.] …that giving them permission to judge me [Top of the head.] …will make my life a lot easier. [Beginning of the eyebrows.] I choose to give them permission to judge me. [Side of the eyes.] You think I’m a loser? [Under the eyes.] Go ahead and think it! [Under the nose.] You judge me to be weak? [Chin.] Go ahead. [Collarbone.] You think I’m less than you? [Under the arms.] Go ahead and think your thoughts! I cannot control them anyway. [Wrist point.] Maybe I think I’m a loser or weak. [Top of the head.] That – I do have control over. [Beginning of the eyebrows.] And I want to neutralize those thoughts about myself. [Side of the eyes.] No, I don’t. [Under the eyes.] Yes, I do! [Under the nose.] This remaining fear of what they think of me. [Chin.] It’s just my projections that I put on to them. [Collarbone.] So I choose to give them permission to think whatever the hell they want. [Under the arms.] And focus on my own judgments of myself. [Wrist point.] And release the emotions connected to these judgments. [Top of the head.] When I stop judging myself so harshly… [Beginning of the eyebrows.] I start feeling better about myself. [Side of the eyes.] This isn’t about their judgment, so much. [Under the eyes.] This is about my judgment of myself. [Under the nose.] And I am weak, and a loser, and I’m pathetic. [Chin.] Or not? [Collarbone.] I release all my emotional attachments to all of the ways I judged myself, and all the reasons for it.
Deep breath…and relax!
Close your eyes again. Tune in the same thing you tuned in with before. And notice what has happened.
Notice how you’re feeling now.
Let me know in the comments section what happened for you?
Are you feeling better? Are you feeling worse? Did you have any insights? Do you have any questions? Do you have any feedback?
Put it in the comment section. I’d love to hear from you.
Again, what we’re doing here is just the tip of the iceberg.
You won’t overcome your social anxiety with a simple tap along, but you can make a little bit of progress.
And overcoming this is a process.
A lot of little steps over a period of time.
Chipping away at all the layers that make up the social anxiety.
I hope this has been helpful.
Let me know in the comments section what your experience was.
Talk to you soon!
Bye for now.
See you there. Bye!