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Achieving Self Acceptance Using E.F.T Technique

 

SUMMARY

Have you ever felt that your anxiety is your fault?

Have you ever felt down about yourself?

And most especially,

Have you ever felt sensations in your body whenever you are #FeelingAnxious?

Then, you have to watch the whole video.

In today’s episode, I will let you watch and witness a unique #livecoaching session I did here on Youtube.

In this particular session, I coached Adi and we focused on #SelfAcceptance.

Watch, #relate, and tap-along!

If you haven’t watched the FULL live coaching session, go to:

bit.ly/livesocialanxietycoaching




FULL TRANSCRIPTION

Hi, this is Lia from Team Social Anxiety Solutions. I am stepping in for Sebastiaan to give you a real quick video about self-acceptance.

This is a snippet that Sebastiaan did a few months back. At that time, we were running the free 30 Day Social Confidence Challenge (registration currently closed at the moment).

We asked thousands of people participating in the challenge “Hey, we’re doing a live coaching session, anyone who wants to volunteer?”

We then got a list and we ended up working with 3 people. They are real social anxiety sufferers – they are Victoria, Adi, and Antoine.

It was a very powerful 90 minutes coaching session. And we are making this video today so you can benefit from it too.

Now you might say “Hey Lia, that doesn’t concern me! The issue that you are talking about during their session was their issue. It was not my issue. How am I going to benefit from it?”

Let me stop you right there and ask you this question:

Whenever you are feeling anxious, and you blush, or you feel as if there is a lump in your throat, or your chest tightens, how do you feel about that fact that you’re having those sensations in your body? Do you feel ashamed of it? Do you fear what others might say negatively about you because you’re having those issues?

I will most likely get a ‘yes’ from you

And, it’s not just you!
You are not alone.

It’s not just you having those issues. Most likely than not, whatever issues that you’re having with your social anxiety are the same issue that they were talking about in that coaching session.

When you watch the coaching session, you will get a lot of insight from it.

You will feel better and you are going to relieve some of your anxiety or some tension in your body.

Most importantly, you’re going to have an experience of the power of the tapping technique just by watching. That’s really cool!

Without further ado, I want you to watch this snippet as Sebastiaan work with Adi.

Seb: Let’s go to Adi. Can you please unmute yourself?

Client:
Yes

Seb:
All right.

Adi:
My dog is barking right now.

Seb:
All good. Anxiety level? 0 to 10 right now?

Client:
Pretty like, 7.

Seb:
Good. And for you, it’s the same question. How are you feeling about the fact that you have these sensations going into your body right now?

Client:
I guess, I have started to try and accept it more. But it’s definitely hard to accept it sometimes. It affects you every day, I guess.

Seb:
What Victoria was saying earlier, she’s had a good shift that she now feels quite accepting of her anxiety. But for certain people, it goes faster than for other people. It just is what it is. There is no good or bad, but it wasn’t something that she was told. Now consciously, all of a sudden, she immediately accepted it. It’s been the tapping that helped that acceptance land on a subconscious level.

Because acceptance of your anxiety is taught in other places as well. But it’s very, very difficult to do to try to talk yourself into acceptance and convince yourself that now I’m accepting my anxiety.

It is very tough to do because you have all these strong emotions, and you can’t out- talk these emotions, or at least that takes a long time.

Therefore, what we’re going to do is we are using the tapping to deal with the non-acceptance. For example: “I’m pissed off of my anxiety!” — That is a genuine feeling and a very normal feeling.

But it’s also in the way of accepting it. We wanted to look at what the feeling that you are having now as you’re having that anxious experience so that we have something to tap on and to focus on.

It is something that you said that becomes our top tapping targets. Like “it’s kind of difficult to accept it.” Right?

Client: Yeah.

Seb:
It’s also common for people to have resistance to accept their anxiety, and I think that that is what’s going on. That’s what we’re going to go first. Just tap on the beginning of your eyebrows and say: I don’t want to accept my anxiety.

Client:
I don’t want to accept my anxiety.

Seb:
(Tap on the side of the eyes) That would be stupid

Client:
That would be stupid.

Seb:
(Tap under the eyes) I’m not going to do that.

Client:
I’m not going to do that.

Seb:
(Tap under the nose) It’s dangerous to accept my anxiety.

Client:
It’s dangerous to accept my anxiety.

Seb:
(Tap on the chin) I have to fight it.

Client:
I have to fight it.

Seb:
(Tap on the collarbone) Because that really helps me

Client:
Because that really helps me

Seb:
(Tap under the arms) When I get upset at myself for feeling anxious

Client:
When I get upset at myself for feeling anxious

Seb:
(Tap on the liver point) Such a confidence booster.

Client:
Such a confidence booster

Seb:
(Tap on the wrist point) It really helps me reduce the anxiety.

Client:
It really helps me reduce the anxiety.

Seb:
(Tap on top of the head) It’s really the best strategy.

Client: It’s really the best strategy.

Seb:
(Tap on the beginning of the eyebrows) Or maybe not.

Client:
Or maybe not.

Seb: (Tap on the side of the eyes) I wonder what would happen.

Client: I wonder what would happen.

Seb:
(Tap under the eyes) If I accepted the anxiety that I’m having.

Client:
If I accepted the anxiety that I’m having.

Seb:
(Tap under the nose) It doesn’t mean that I like it.

Client:
It doesn’t mean that I like it.

Seb:
(Tap on the chin) Or that I want it to stay.

Client:
Or that I want it to stay.

Seb:
(Tap on the collarbone) It also doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do anything anymore about resolving it.

Client:
It also doesn’t mean that I’m not going to do anything anymore about resolving it.

Seb:
(Tap under the arms) This just means I’m looking at reality in the face.

Client:
This just means I’m looking at reality in the face.

Seb:
And I’m saying yes, this is the way it is.

Client:
And I’m saying yes, this is the way it is.

Seb:
(Tap on the liver point) So I’m not making it worse than it already is.

Client:
So I’m not making it worse than it already is.

Seb
: (Tap on the wrist point) But my anxiety defines me.

Client:
But my anxiety defines me.

Seb:
(Tap on top of the head) It makes me weak and pathetic.

Client:
It makes me weak and pathetic.

Seb:
(Tap on the beginning of the eyebrows) Or maybe not.

Client: Or maybe not.

Seb:
(Tap on the side of the eyes) What if I don’t have to believe that judgment?

Client:
What if I don’t have to believe that judgment?

Seb:
(Tap under the eyes) I release all my emotional attachments to anxiety that makes me weak and pathetic.

Client:
I release all my emotional attachments to anxiety that makes me weak and pathetic.

Seb: (Tap under the nose) Deep breath…

Seb:
(Tap on the chin) What are you aware of? Thoughts? Feelings? Insights? Impure thoughts? Sorrow realizations? Anything.

Client:
I realized that you don’t have to let it make you feel even worse than it already does to your feelings.

Seb: And what are the feelings about it right now?

Client:
I’m not going to be like this forever. Now, I’m in the process of getting better.

Seb: Okay. All right. But that’s great motivational talk. But do you have any negative feelings that you’re having right now?

Client: Nothing specific, I guess.

Seb: Okay. All right. Are you feeling any shame about the fact that you’re experiencing anxiety? (I know definitely that I felt super ashamed of it for a very long time. It’s very difficult to get rid of) Or embarrassment or humiliation or any of the like.

Client:
Probably like the shame, sometimes.

Seb:
Okay. How about right now? At the moment, are you feeling anything of it in your body?

Client:
Most likely, I just feel a little bit hot.

Seb:
Okay. How are you aware of that feeling hot? Is it in your face? I used to get around a lot around my ears. My ears started glowing, and other people have it in their neck. Some people would have it on their cheeks, other people just rise. How are you aware of it?

Client:
I feel it around my face.

Seb:
Okay. If you had to rate that on a scale of 0 to 10, how strong is that?

Client:
Probably like 6.

Seb:
Okay. What I want you to do is I want you to just pay attention to that shame about the fact that you’re anxious and just allow it to be there, and just keep tapping. If it’s easier to close your eyes, feel free to do so. If not, you can keep them open.

You’re just allowing that chain to be there. You’re not running away from it, you’re not fighting it, you’re not pushing it. You’re kind of observing what it does.

Keep breathing. Otherwise, we’ll have a different kind of session.

Seb:
Good. Now tap on your collarbone. What are you noticing? There’s no right or wrong answer. It if gets worse or is it the same, that’s fine. There’s a solution for everything. I just want to know your honest experience.

Client.
I’m feeling the same.

Seb:
Okay. Just tap here and say: I shouldn’t feel ashamed.

Client:
I shouldn’t feel ashamed.

Seb
: (Tap on the side of the eyes) It’s bad to feel ashamed.

Client:
It’s bad to feel ashamed.

Seb:
Real man doesn’t feel ashamed.

Client:
Real man doesn’t feel ashamed.

Seb:
(Tap under the nose) I definitely don’t feel ashamed.

Client:
I definitely don’t feel ashamed.

Seb:
Not at all.

Client:
Not at all.

Seb
: (Tap on the collarbone) Never have felt ashamed.

Client:
Never have felt ashamed.

Seb:
(Tap under the arms) Never will feel ashamed.

Client:
Never will feel ashamed.

Seb:
(Tap on the liver point) Because I shouldn’t feel ashamed.

Client:
Because I shouldn’t feel ashamed.

Seb:
(Tap on the wrist point) It’s pathetic to feel ashamed.

Client:
It’s pathetic to feel ashamed.

Seb:
(Tap on top of the head) But I am experiencing some heat.

Client:
But I am experiencing some heat.

Seb:
Definitely not shame.

Client:
Definitely not shame.

Seb:
But I’ve got some heat going on.

Client:
But I’ve got some heat going on.

Seb
: (Tap under the eyes, then under the nose) Deep breath…

Seb:
What are you noticing? Again, no right or wrong answer

Client:
I still feel the same.

Seb:
Okay. All right. Wait, what you’re saying is mostly the shame is still the same that you’re feeling? Or the anxiousness is still the same? What specifically still feels the same for you?

Client:
Probably the feeling of anxiousness.

Seb:
Okay. How’s the shame feeling though? The heat? How’s that?

Client:
A little less, actually

Seb:
Okay. All right. How bad is the anxiety from 0 to 10?

Client:
Around 6 – 7

Seb:
Okay, got you. What’s the main feeling that you’re feeling about? Let me say it differently. What’s the strongest emotion that you have right now about this anxiety experience? It could also be a thought, like “this is fucked up or this is ridiculous or I’m so sick and tired of this or whatever”. It could be a thought or it could be a direct feeling like frustration or anger.

Client:
Maybe, I feel down about it.

Seb:
And is that a common experience for you that you’re feeling down about it?

Client: Yeah.

Seb:
What does it mean to you? That you’re feeling anxious? What’s the down feeling? The down feeling coming from you to never overcome it? Or does it mean something bad about you? Or about your situation or scenario?

Client:
It makes me feel bad. I can’t do stuff that I wouldn’t want to do, like making relationships.

Seb:
Well, I’m sure nobody else can’t relate to that. Everyone can relate to that. Just to be blatantly obvious, because it is very limiting, and it is very painful. You’re faced with it every day and it just consumes your thinking, and it’s just there all the time. So, I’m with you. It really sucks. I get it. It can also be something very hard to deal with because you’re dealing with it by yourself.

Typically, for me, at least, it was my secret, nobody, you know, was pretending to the outside world that everything was fine. But all the while I was suffering massively. So you’re carrying this burden with you. And you can’t really share it with anyone because there’s this shame about it. Because you think it means something bad about you. It sucks. It really does suck. But there really is a good hope and that is it’s not a permanent problem.

It is something that you can overcome. It will take a bit of time for most people, but you can start to make progress on it.

When you’re saying “I kind of having a down feeling it” Is it fair to say that you’ve tried a few things to overcome it? Or not?

Client
: I tried different therapies like hypnosis, meditation, things like that.

Seb
: A whole bunch of things. It challenges how you try a few things. You’re lucky like Victoria, you just show up and like, it’s pretty much miraculous that you’re right here. It’s really cool. But, if you’re not as lucky and you try something. And the first time you try it, you’re optimistic. Like “wow, this is going to be great. I’m going to overcome this problem. I’m going to do this strategy, and then I’m going to do that and then up, okay.”

But we then actually do it, and it doesn’t work, that’s a big disappointment. That’s a pain for realization, that is a kind of down-like feeling. And that can also start to build on the feeling like, “Oh my god, what if there’s something wrong with me?” You know, “what if I’m broken? What if I can’t fix this? What if I have to live with this for the rest of my life”,

But somehow, someway because it’s so painful you drag yourself to try out the next technique or therapy or strategy or hypnosis. “This is great, it works for everyone” You try it, and you get a little bit of results listening to one of these tapes. You’re like, Wow, this is great. This is going to be it. And you know, two weeks later, you’re back to square one. You’re like, Oh, my God. And now this whole belief that this can’t work, I’m broken. I’m a tough case that just starts to build up and starts to grow stronger and stronger. And at the same time, there’s also a part of your mind that says, hey, it’s not good for you to get your hopes up again. Because every time you get your hopes up, you’re going to get severely disappointed and knocked down and it’s going to really, really suck.
So then there becomes resistance to being hopeful and optimistic. And another way to translate that is resistance to letting go of that down feeling. So that’s what I want to tap on with you first. So just tap on the beginning of your eyebrows, and just say, I don’t want to let go of this down feeling.

Client:
I don’t want to let go of this down feeling.

Seb:
(Tap on the side of the eyes) It’s not safe to be optimistic.

Client:
It’s not safe to be optimistic.

Seb:
(Tap under the eyes) It’s much better to remain pessimistic.

Client
: It’s much better to remain pessimistic.

Seb
: (Tap under the nose) I refuse to be optimistic

Client
: I refuse to be optimistic

Seb
: (Tap on the chin) If I do that, I’ll get hurt.

Client
: If I do that, I’ll get hurt.

Seb
: (Tap on the collarbone) I’ll be disappointed again.

Client
: I’ll be disappointed again.

Seb
: (Tap under the arms) I don’t want to deal with that.

Client
: I don’t want to deal with that.

Seb
: (Tap on the liver point) I release all my emotional attachments to this down feeling.

Client
: I release all my emotional attachments to this down feeling.

Seb
: (Tap on top of the head) What are you noticing?

Client
: I feel a bit more relaxed.

Seb
: Good. How’s the anxiety feeling?

Client
: It’s gone down a bit. I would say its 5 now.

Seb
: And I guess you’re now more in acceptance of the anxiety and there’s no resistance to it. So I’m going to let you sit with this for a while I move on to Antoine, okay?

Client: Okay.

Seb
: Thank you thus far.

— End of a coaching session with the Client —

All right. I hope you enjoyed it.
If you haven’t watched the full session by going to bit.ly/livesocialanxietycoaching.
That’s it for today! See you on our next Thursday video.




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