The disease called low self esteem is causing people to be unhappy, anxious, insecure and unfulfilled.
It is related to social anxiety, but definitely not the same thing. When you improve your self esteem however, you will positively effect your social confidence as well.
Since you first need to become aware of things before you can actually do something about it, let’s dive in and first explore the who/what/where…
First we’ll have a look at what low self esteem is, then we look at where it comes from and finally we’ll check out what the traits are.
Once we know this, we can go from low- to high self esteem by building our self esteem in a simple, structured manner..
Good plan? All set? Here we go.
So you know what high self esteem is, right? (If not, you can read it here) People with low self esteem are generally the exact opposite. They have an overall negative opinion of themselves.
And, they have irrational beliefs about themselves as a human being. They for example believe themselves to be worthless and/or inadequate.
I’ll go deeper into the traits later on, but first let’s see where it comes from.
Where Low Self Esteem Comes From
Low self esteem can have quite a bit of causes.
Right… What are the causes?
Well, it has a lot to do with your parents and your upbringing.
Now before you say “aha, I knew it! And start accusing your parents and cussing them out for all the bad things they might or might not have done to you….”
Take a deep breath!
Hold it… And let go…
Relax, it’s not only the parents that are responsible. It’s also your school, community and surroundings.
It comes down to not having had enough love, acceptance and approval growing up. Or having been abused in some way (verbally, emotionally, physically, sexually).
So it can have to do with a divorce, a parent dying, workaholic parents who where never there for you, alcoholic parents who neglected you, parents that think you need to be raised super tough etc.
Lots of reasons can be the cause. And the real reason is not that important.
For now just accept that is has been as it was. Forgive the parties involved, and take charge from here on forwards. (Easier said than done, I know. But there will be practical tools that assist you in doing so soon. I promise.)
You can also have developed low self esteem later on in life.
Possible causes for this can be being hurt in a relationship, your social life, at work, your community etc.
According to research the degree of self esteem is also in a small amount determined by the genes you inherited.
This could very well be the case, but it is my belief that whatever your degree of self esteem is right now…
…You can absolutely change it for the better. You just need to know how.
Right, onto the character traits (or better said, character-restrictions):
DISCLAIMER: If you read this and get angry or sad because it is confronting…
Please be aware that I’m writing down facts and that my intention is to help you become aware of your restrictions.
Also, keep in mind that most people have some of the below traits. One person has more than the other. Anyone of them is decreasing your ability to be happy and fulfilled so I would advise you to work on them as much as you can.
When you are conscious of them, you can change for the better and live a happier, more fulfilling life.
People With Low Self Esteem…
- Are unsure of who they are and what they stand for.
- Don’t believe in their abilities and skills.
- Feel that they’re not good enough. They feel undeserving of the good things in life.
- Are perfectionists. Mostly because of the fear of making mistakes and disappointing others.
- Have an intense fear of failure so they won’t try new things.
- They unrealistically fear change and are reluctant to make decisions out of the fear of making the wrong one.
- Are overly sensitive to criticism or disapproval. Are constantly seeking approval and acceptance from others.
- Seek to please others. They put other peoples needs above your own needs. (And no, this is not healthy and nice…)
- Are very self-conscious and seldom express yourself openly.
- Avoid a lot of situations out of fear of judgment.
- Put yourself down all the time. When you accomplish something great or get a compliment you neglect it or say “it was just luck”. When you “fail” or do something wrong you take full credit for it and agree that that’s the way you are.
- Have addictive or compulsive behaviors (alcoholism, drug addictions, eating disorders etc).
- Feel undeserving and therefore won’t take proper care of yourself.
And also when you…
- Make mountains out of a molehill (a tiny issue is the end of the world to you).
- Are socially withdrawn. You have a lack of social skills and self confidence.
- Go into vicious negative thinking-loops and experience an overflow of negative emotions.
- Have a constant sense of depression, inadequateness and uneasiness.
- Are unable to accept compliments. You feel ridiculed because you don’t see yourself in that complimentary way.
- Don’t trust your own opinion. You constantly adjust it to suit others needs.
- Intensely fear what others think of you and if you’re doing “the right thing”.
- Have problems in dealing with anger. You cannot control it properly and are in denial of it impacting your life.
- Wear a “social mask” because you are afraid people don’t like and respect your “real self“.
- Fear arguments and lie and exaggerate to avoid disagreements.
- Are overly serious. When you cannot see the humor in things.
So, If you have a lot of traits of the low self esteem person…
… don’t worry. It’s already great that you now know of it, so you can go about changing it.
As you can see, low self esteem is basically messing up peoples lives in a big way.
Since it is responsible for just about everything you do, feel, and experience in your life, it is important to get rid of as much traits (restrictions) as possible.
The links to articles below will give you a wide range of awesome tips and pointers on how to start the process towards high self esteem and inner fulfillment.
If this journey is to overwhelming for you, I can guide youand assist you in being socially confident, enjoying a high self esteem.
Go to the coaching package Social Anxiety Coaching by clicking on this link.
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